Discouraged

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    Dec 23, 2009 1:54 PM GMT
    I signed up with RJ three months ago. I thought I would meet people I have things in common with, have some interesting discussions, get great tips about health and fitness and lifestyles. But I have been turned off by some things I read, some mean people, the popularity contests, pretentiousness, and (probably most discouraging) a lack of responses from people when I reach out to them with a simple "hello, my name is David." There are exceptions, but they don't come close to outweighing the negatives. I am thinking this may be too much like high school for me, and that maybe I should stop even trying. Maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance... but...
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    Dec 23, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    Take a break and try again - other guys are looking for you too (they r here...somewhere) It's not exactly what I thought it would be either - but some of the surprises are awesome, and in the course of navigating the process I've learned something about myself. If nothing else, I have been inspired to keep training. Beyond that I have read some incredibly funny posts, profiles and comments that remind me that there are lots of other gay men out here who see it the way I do.
    C'mon - you're obviously too intelligent to just settle into something like mankunt,...I mean hunt....icon_wink.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 23, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    Perhaps it is just myself, but when I see a guys profile that says "In a relationship"...I think that they are usually interested in only meeting other couples. So, I tend to shy away from them and concentrate on the single profiles.
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    Dec 23, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    malefeet saidPerhaps it is just myself, but when I see a guys profile that says "In a relationship"...I think that they are usually interested in only meeting other couples. So, I tend to shy away from them and concentrate on the single profiles.


    Seriously? Have I misinterpreted this site that much?

  • LuckyPierre

    Posts: 192

    Dec 23, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    Hi David and Partner! Happy Holidays!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 23, 2009 4:00 PM GMT
    Hey djdorchester2, Howdy to you two from us two! We remember your posts very well from that scandalous topic about open vs monogamous relationships.

    Wasn't that a hoot! You made some excellent points. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 23, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    meninlove said Hey djdorchester2, Howdy to you two from us two! We remember your posts very well from that scandalous topic about open vs monogamous relationships.

    Wasn't that a hoot! You made some excellent points. icon_wink.gif



    Aw thanks. Not everybody would agree with you though! I really do have thick skin and don't mind a little debate between reasonable people who disagree.

    As I thought about it more (and maybe I'm putting too much thought into it!), it's maybe that I'm new to the site and so I haven't yet caught onto why the "Would you suck off the guy above you" threads are so popular and such hate-traps. Or why people start threads like "Which kind of insect would you be if you were a woman?" It's because people who have been on this site for a long time are running out of things to discuss? Maybe? I don't know. I'm not being a hater... just was hoping I would find more acceptance on this site than I have.

    But, as meninlove and the guys who posted above him prove, there are exceptions and it's why I've hung on as long as I have.


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    Dec 23, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    heheh, some topics are deliberately satires of other topics by guys with their hair on fire.
    Danisnotstr8t made a topic about pepper and eggs to demonstrate the inanity of some threads.

    There are a wealth of great people on here, but it takes awhile - we met many after our first year here. People get to know you by your posts more than anything else.


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    Dec 23, 2009 5:02 PM GMT
    meninlove said heheh, some topics are deliberately satires of other topics by guys with their hair on fire.
    Danisnotstr8t made a topic about pepper and eggs to demonstrate the inanity of some threads.

    There are a wealth of great people on here, but it takes awhile - we met many after our first year here. People get to know you by your posts more than anything else.


    I liked that thread. icon_sad.gif
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    Dec 23, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    lol, Mr F, so did we, and Doug even posted a poem a la Dr Suess on it.
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    Dec 23, 2009 5:39 PM GMT
    I'm new too, so if it means anything "hiiiiii"

    Which forums are you perusing? I would think the fitness threads are a little less... dynamic than the threads you seem to be talking about.
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    Dec 23, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    loll Welcome to RJ, roundhouse! ( and Merry Christmas, too!)
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    Dec 23, 2009 5:55 PM GMT
    djdorchester2 saidI signed up with RJ three months ago. I thought I would meet people I have things in common with, have some interesting discussions, get great tips about health and fitness and lifestyles. But I have been turned off by some things I read, some mean people, the popularity contests, pretentiousness, and (probably most discouraging) a lack of responses from people when I reach out to them with a simple "hello, my name is David." There are exceptions, but they don't come close to outweighing the negatives. I am thinking this may be too much like high school for me, and that maybe I should stop even trying. Maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance... but...


    This is not a RJ problem it's a society problem

    Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
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    Friedrich Nietzsche

    The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
    [info][add][mail]
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    In the stream.-- Mighty waters draw much stone and rubble along with them; mighty spirits many stupid and bewildered heads.

    from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.541, R.J. Hollingdale transl.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 23, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    How about you not put so much stock in a website and actually get out in the real world to try and reach out and meet people. You know, like in the olden days.
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    Dec 23, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 saidHow about you not put so much stock in a website and actually get out in the real world to try and reach out and meet people. You know, like in the olden days.



    I'm seeing that you have nearly 800 forum posts, and wondering why you're making assumptions about me and what I'm doing when I'm not online... especially when you hadn't even viewed my profile (according to the list of people who viewed me).

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 23, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    I don't think you're looking at this realistically
    Since when .... when you get any group of people together .... for any reason will you not find that some are:
    Pretentious
    Shallow
    and/ or plain Loco?
    But at the same time there are men here who are interesting intelligent
    and have a lot of experience in many of the things that you wanna know

    Kinda a mixed bag ..... like EVERYTHING in life
    icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 23, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    lol Texan Man, you have more posts than dj!
    Online is an extension of the real world, and part of it now just like the phone or a letter.


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    Dec 23, 2009 6:24 PM GMT
    GQjock saidI don't think you're looking at this realistically
    Since when .... when you get any group of people together .... for any reason will you not find that some are:
    Pretentious
    Shallow
    and/ or plain Loco?
    But at the same time there are men here who are interesting intelligent
    and have a lot of experience in many of the things that you wanna know

    Kinda a mixed bag ..... like EVERYTHING in life
    icon_wink.gif



    Hmm... yea, I see your point. Honestly, this is the only site of its kind that I participate in regularly. I guess I've not done a good job at filtering... I was expecting more wide-spread acceptance and it was indeed unrealistic.

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    Dec 23, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    to be honest, I've never seen you in the forums until today, so you may just be in the wrong forums.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 23, 2009 6:30 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol Texan Man, you have more posts than dj!
    Online is an extension of the real world, and part of it now just like the phone or a letter.




    Over a period of two years. And I'm not talking about how much time anyone spends on a messageboard. I spend way too much time on various ones. But, I don't expect much more out of them than entertainment and time wasting. I'm talking expectations that you're going to reach out and find your BFF's or a BF. That's what I mean by putting too much stock in messageboards and websites. No reason to be discouraged, just have fun.
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    Dec 23, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 said

    ...
    But, I don't expect much more out of them than entertainment and time wasting. I'm talking expectations that you're going to reach out and find your BFF's or a BF. That's what I mean by putting too much stock in messageboards and websites. No reason to be discouraged, just have fun.


    ditto.

    that's often the mistake : expectations.
    it usually spoils everything : in love, work, friendships, restaurants, concerts, sports, gym, diet ,HDTV, cars ... and RJ .




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    Dec 24, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    meninlove said loll Welcome to RJ, roundhouse! ( and Merry Christmas, too!)


    Aw, thanks mate. Merry Christmas to you too, can't believe I didn't mention that.... so close to the date icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 24, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    I would encourage you to keep socializing through the forums and reaching out. It will pay off.

    Don't keep weighing the positive and negatives. I've found the positives here far outweigh the downsides. Best wishes and happy holidays!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 24, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 said I don't expect much more out of them than entertainment and time wasting. .

    Expect this and this is what you'll get. But over time you'll also get to have conversations with some interesting guys you'd never meet in the three-dimensional world.
    Keep posting and people will talk to you. And in the meantime there will still be the entertainment and time wasting.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Dec 24, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    Life is like High School in General...People always want what They cant have or what They are not icon_razz.gif

    Just Find Those you Would Fit in with....Quite Simple icon_wink.gif