when do you stop giving "the kiddies" Christmas presents?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 24, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    i've always given my niece and nephew some sort of gift at Christmas..a toy when they were younger, cash as they starting maturing.

    they are both in their early twenties now. their parents are paying for their college education, car, insurance, gasoline. they both have part time jobs for their own spending money, above an beyond what their parents give them for their monthly "allowance".

    i have NEVER received a gift from them. i don't expect anything lavsh from them; a box of cholcolates, socks, cheap cologne would be wonderfull.

    am i being to materialistic here?
  • Melos

    Posts: 264

    Dec 24, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    I would say you aren't being materialistic at all, it's about the gesture of taking the time and thinking about someone, going through with it and just showing that you care.

    My sister has done pretty much the same thing to us for the past few years: expects presents for her and her family from everyone else, says she's on a budget and can't get us anything. It's understandable, but she fails to even send a card to us, but gets presents for her husband's family.... Even people on a budget can afford 2 bucks for a card.

    It's about the "stuff" you get, but just knowing that the person appreciates you and can show it.
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    Dec 24, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    That's a tough one. I've avoided this from the start and I'm glad I did now that there are a multitude of kids and now they have kids. I take care of my own family and then friends I'm very close to. I would think that now you could just switch to a nice card with a personal message welcoming them into adulthood and wishes for a great holiday and a successful new year (without your generosity). I suspect that they will not be all that surprised unless your gift has been in the 5 - 6 digit range! LOL
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    Dec 24, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    Never!
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    Dec 24, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    "Every gift given has a hope of a return."

    I just want a simple "thanks." After my sisters turned 18, and I didn't get a thanks, I stopped giving them gifts. Part of being a responsible adult is the willingness to be gracious, and thankful.

    Just my view. If you want to do something thoughtful, put a card in the mail for them to let them know you're still thinking about them.

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    Dec 24, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    Even people on a budget can afford 2 bucks for a card.QUOTE GOES HERE


    Not to mention, the gifts I have most appreciated, are those that were home made. I still have a snowman my sister made from cotton balls and paper plates when she was 7 years old. What's more, the home made cards that I received from family are the ones that get put away for me to look at in other times. Not having money is just an excuse.
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    Dec 24, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    Mine stopped when I turned 21. Make of that what you will.
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    Dec 24, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    Not at all. You're not asking for a "lavish me tit for tat" kinda gift. You're asking for a "we love you and we thought of you" kind of gift. I'd want the same thing...and someone in their twenties should have enough sense to know that too.
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    Dec 24, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    When they are out of school and have a job.
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    Dec 24, 2009 9:05 PM GMT
    I stopped when they became adults. Started again when they had kids of their own. Go on, dude....Lighten the burden on new parents some!
    ....and you don't run the risk of buy the crumb-crunchers something the parents don't want them to have. Give cash to the parents, if you can afford it.
    I really don't expect any acknowledgement or gift in return. True giving expects nothing back.
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    Dec 24, 2009 9:26 PM GMT
    Take this as a teaching moment, haha. It seems "normal" to us to give gifts and such, but maybe these "kids" just don't realize what they are doing (or in this case, not doing).

    Start up a convo one day... you know... one of those "yeah so I always buy my friend "bob" a gift, or atleast a card for the holidays and he NEVER even sends me a card... that bothers me".... something along those lines... maybe they'll get the hint?
  • ajw18

    Posts: 141

    Dec 24, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    My relatives stopped as soon as I graduated college. But the gestures kept getting incrementally smaller each year.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Dec 24, 2009 10:22 PM GMT
    My nieces and nephews just got old enough to actually give gifts. I'm kind of liking it right now.

    My thinking, at the moment, is that we aren't planning on having any kids. So I want to bribe my nieces and nephews into giving a crap about us when we're old. Maybe bribing them with gifts isn't the way to do it, but for now, it's about all we can do. The oldest is 6, so there's not too much else we can do for them right now. Well, we try and take them out when we can, but they don't live in the same city as us, so gifts is the easiest thing to do.

    My own blood aunts and uncles never did too much for me when I was growing up. The few times they did make an effort (whether it was to take us out or to give us gifts) I definitely do remember. And consequently, they were the only ones that I invited to my wedding.

    Did I ever give them cards when I turned 22? No. But I was a thoughtless, selfish 22 year old icon_smile.gif Do I remember them now, and try to include them in my life? When I can, which isn't very often.

    I just think everyone does the best they can. If you've had enough, just don't give them gifts anymore. I suspect that when they are older, and have kids of their own, they will remember you.
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    Dec 24, 2009 10:27 PM GMT
    Shopacolypse!

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    Dec 24, 2009 11:09 PM GMT
    I just turned 24 last week and this was the first year extended family did not send me any money in my card.. sooooo I guess 24 is the cut off lol.. icon_sad.gif

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    Dec 24, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    p.s. no I don't think you should expect a gift from them. That's like giving to receve which is tacky. I'd maybe wait till they move out and become established on there owns and then wonder why you don't get squat.. If there still at home, the christmas and birthday cards are usually from parents and the kids.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Dec 24, 2009 11:16 PM GMT

    I heart you, Seany.
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    Dec 25, 2009 12:33 AM GMT
    Isn't the point of giving you do so without the expectation of getting anything in return orthwise you are doing it for all the WRONG reason. icon_eek.gif
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    Dec 25, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    I don't think you're being materialistic. At this time of year, it's nice to know they have thought about you and go out of your way to give you something. If they don't give you anything, maybe downgrade what you give them. It's all in the giving icon_smile.gif
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Dec 25, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    I stop giving them Xmas gift when they start to work or go to college. I only give them gift when they graduate from college or birthday. I still have small nephews & nieces I usually give them toys or money.
    Oh I don't expect anything from them. I love my my family my nephews & nieces are the ornaments of my life. Merry Xmas to all xoxo
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    Dec 25, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    The fact that you're thinking about the fact that they don't give you presents is kind of materialistic.
    You should give presents to people, not because you expect something in return, or even because they are family, but because you want to show them how much you care about them.
    For all those people out there that think they aren't selfish because they give and give and give, only wanting a simple "thank you", you thought wrong.
    When I do something for someone, it's because I feel like I can brighten up their day, make them smile, or make them feel better about themselves no matter how small. I don't care if people thank me, because I know that their day just got a little better, no matter what their expression.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 25, 2009 8:51 AM GMT
    I would say it depends on your relationship with them.

    First off, I think the gift of my time is more valuable than any objects I could give people. Maybe that comes off a little cocksure, but when I spend time with people, it's a gift given in both directions, because I get as much out of it as my loved ones.

    Money, though it's something we all enjoy having, is terribly impersonal. Let's face it; every bill looks just like the next, so there's nothing on it to remind me where and whom it came from. And a check, once cashed, is the same.

    I think someone's gratitude serves two functions. Yes, it's a "stroke" for the gift giver, and this is something the giver is evidently supposed to not care about or expect. Second, it shows that the gift was the right one. Without this important feedback, the giver is left making assumptions or wondering if they wasted the other's time. I guess one could argue that money is always the "right" gift and the other will never resent such a present, but at the same time, it might be far less meaningful for the recipient than expected; the recipient might even see it as trying to buy affection in lieu of spending time with them.

    The moment a gift cannot be given without strings (and those include potential resentment for any lack of appreciation), I think it shouldn't be given.