Liquid Money

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2009 8:45 PM GMT
    My brother has always been overdramatic and proverbially shys away from being self-sustaining. He has worked and been able to bring in money to meet his bills, even cash to save. However, the extra money usually runs out with a few days or even a week before the next payday comes around. As a child we both knew the parents were willing to pay for things and they did fill some of the gaps while we were in high school.

    However, with his continuing habit to not control his spending, dad removed his monetary support as the brother turned 18. Sadly, this left a mother, who has issues saying no to fill the gaps (sometimes paying entire phone bills and service fees). She was stretched thin and able to say no once or twice, as he graduated and moved into a Navy career.

    After over a year of service, and a lack of communication as to what occurred, my brother has been given a general discharge. He is again without money. In a move I find insulting, he phoned mom and has been able to obtain 200 dollars for gas from San Diego, CA back to eastern Iowa.

    I have offered to house him for a few nights as he ventures back, but I am extremely fearful he will drain mom--who has finally gotten into a great savings point without him. Below are questions I have no idea how to quite answer and would love you all so much for a few seconds of your thoughts. Thank you for reading my lengthy mental trouble. May your generosity in time spent reading my troubles be returned to you 100 times over. Thank you!

    1. Am I crazy to be worried about my parents financially--just for their own peace of mind? (I could care less about inheritance as they have been more than gracious in helping me move from Iowa to Phoenix.)

    2. Do you know of any family or friends who have this money-like-water issue? Any strategies they have employed?

    3. I have suggested mom say no and just let him figure out life on his own in San Diego. Is that too harsh to cut him off and cause him turmoil as he would need to figure out food, shelter and income?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    When I first started working as a waiter (Age 16 or so) I had a problem spending my cash as soon as I got it. Working for tips, you constantly have hundreds of dollars of cash in your wallet, at 16, who wouldn't go spend, spend spend! I probably went to the bank once every month. It was bad. I didn't even deposit my paychecks - hell I made that measly $180.00 bucks in one Saturday night shift! Why cash the check? I even had a few pay checks expire. icon_redface.gif I was already responsible for buying all of my own clothes, most of my own food, paying my phone bill, car insurance, I even gave my mom rent to help her out... But My spending was out of control.

    Now I still do the same line of work, but I set my cash aside. As adults with responsibility - it's something that we need to learn on our own. I keep track of how much I earn, and I deposit once a week. It's all about keeping track of spending.

    Have him keep track in a little notebook, carry it with him in his car. The main problem people have with spending money is not knowing how much they really are spending! If you write down EVERY expense ($1.49, Soda at gas station, $5.85, Fast food, EVERYTHING), you can really gauge how much you waste. It helps a lot.

    And I would definitely say that she cut him off, if not only for one month. One month wont leave him on the streets, or without a phone, or make him starve.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 25, 2009 9:15 AM GMT
    Do NOT make this an emotional triangle.

    If you're mom has issues with your brother, then let them work it out. If you have issues with your brother's behavior, take them up with him directly and respectfully.

    Please believe me here when I say that I am speaking from personal experience. If you'd like to converse on this more, feel free to write my profile directly.