Sooo I tried to come out to my parents today...

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Dec 25, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    They are the last people on my list that I need to come out to. I've been procrastinating for a while and just want to get it over with. I've been following my mom around all day trying to find the right moment. Every time an opportunity comes up I stand there in silence arguing with myself in my head about what I should say until the opportunity passes. I swear my heads gonna explode from anxiety. What the best way to let them down easy?
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    Dec 25, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidThey are the last people on my list that I need to come out to. I've been procrastinating for a while and just want to get it over with. I've been following my mom around all day trying to find the right moment. Every time an opportunity comes up I stand there in silence arguing with myself in my head about what I should say until the opportunity passes. I swear my heads gonna explode from anxiety. What the best way to let them down easy?


    What until Sunday, after Christmas. Tell her I have something to say to you, and it's hard. It's about who I am attracted to.

    Let her finish it. Good luck!
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 25, 2009 7:39 AM GMT
    She already knows.
    But, why not (after Christmas) sit her down, with the TV, stereo, etc OFF, and ask her how she would feel if she had a gay son.
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    Dec 25, 2009 8:48 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Webster666 saidShe already knows.
    But, why not (after Christmas) sit her down, with the TV, stereo, etc OFF, and
    ask her how she would feel if she had a gay son.

    I like this advice. Good job...icon_cool.gif


    Genius, and leave it til the 26th. RElax today, try to enjoy the day /hugs/
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    Dec 25, 2009 8:56 AM GMT
    I was around my mom and her best fried for the later portion of the night tonight... and it was the first time I've seen her drink more than one glass of wine... In fact she had 4 mixed drinks with Kahlua and 2 glasses of wine. (She doesn't TOUCH alcohol normally). So she was drunk, no two ways about it.

    I discovered that her best friend in college was a gay boy! YAY! I'm pretty surprised by this....

    Then we watched "Across the Universe", of course I was singing along... My mom's friend and her daughter were comparing me to Prudence (The lesbian). I'm wondering if they're trying to hint that they know...ha.

    I'm feeling closer and closer to coming out by the minute.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Dec 25, 2009 9:02 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidShe already knows.
    But, why not (after Christmas) sit her down, with the TV, stereo, etc OFF, and ask her how she would feel if she had a gay son.


    I know that she already knows because I told everyone else in my life about a year ago.. I'm pretty sure it's something that they'd rather just not talk about. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism but I really feel the need to bring it up. The only problem with the "sit down" scenario is the long in depth talk that follows the confession. Just thinking about it is emotionally exhausting. I'm thinking more of a drive by... maybe yell it as I'm walking out the door... do they still have those messenger pigeons?
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    Dec 25, 2009 11:21 AM GMT
    When I came out to my parents, my dad looked over at my mom and said "I told ya"
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 25, 2009 11:38 AM GMT
    Good for you that you've decided to come out
    and what perfect timing to do it with the coming New Year

    You will do what you want and what you need to do
    But you're going to have to decide if Christmas Eve or Christmas day is the best time or not
    It might be that you won't have the will power anymore
    and in that case ... go for it
    but then again you might want to wait until after Christmas
    I wouldn't want you Christmas turned into an emotional upheaval
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    Dec 25, 2009 12:17 PM GMT
    Drob, Good luck to you, mate! You'll feel enormous relief the minute the words come out of your mouth. And no matter the initial reaction, at the end of the day most parents just want their kids to be happy.
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    Dec 25, 2009 1:04 PM GMT
    Come on. Not on Christmas day. Are you gonna give her nightmare?
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    Dec 25, 2009 1:20 PM GMT
    I agree with those who say to defer it. In life, timing is everything. Christmas is not a good time for this, mainly because you're grabbing the agenda for yourself. On Christmas your mother and other family members will have their own traditional holiday thoughts & priorities.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Dec 25, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    I agree with above...maybe not the best day.

    But after today...three words:

    Courage - have the courage to tell them what you have to tell them. Be sincere and compassionate (but certainly not apologetic). They raised you to be a happy and healthy adult...and you are, in part, by coming to embrace and be yourself.

    Acceptance - be willing to accept their reaction for what it is. Remember that you've had lots of time to adjust, they haven't. So their initial reaction may not be ideal. Be there for them. They need the comfort more than you do now, believe it or not.

    Peace - whatever the outcome, be at peace with what happens. You've done what you needed to do. The burden has been lifted. You are now free to live your life the way you were meant to.

    Good luck!
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Dec 25, 2009 1:51 PM GMT
    Wait until after the holidays.
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    Dec 25, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    Yeah, wait a day or two. I came out to my mom on Mothers Day. Oops icon_redface.gif
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    Dec 25, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    when I did it, I was standing in the kitchen eating an apple, leaning against the counter while my mom was cooking, I let out a casual "by the way I'm gay" muffled by a mouthful of apple. I'm sure it would have been funny to a 3rd party observer haha
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Dec 25, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    DrobUA said...What the best way to let them down easy?


    ... as though it's a let-down. bub, it's not.
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    Dec 25, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    Write down on a sheet of nice stationary, put it in a box, wrap it up and give it to your mom for Christmas.

    No need to thank me. Helping is what I do.

    funny pictures of cats with captions
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    Dec 25, 2009 3:27 PM GMT
    Wait until tomorrow. I came out the day after thanksgiving 3 years ago. It was better that way instead of possibly "ruining" a holiday. Though my mom is the most liberal Catholic I know, as opposed to your conservative Catholic parents. For them, it might never be a good day to do it, but just wait until tomorrow.

    Good luck!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 25, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    lol Steemie, there's also the aspect of putting others before yourself, especially today.
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    Dec 25, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    Heheh, No Steemie he hasn't. He's been letting opportunities pass because he doesn't know what to say or how to go about it. That's quite different you know.




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    Dec 25, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidThey are the last people on my list that I need to come out to. I've been procrastinating for a while and just want to get it over with. I've been following my mom around all day trying to find the right moment. Every time an opportunity comes up I stand there in silence arguing with myself in my head about what I should say until the opportunity passes. I swear my heads gonna explode from anxiety. What the best way to let them down easy?


    What do you mean let them down?

    That's already the problem right there

    But gifts and the quality of gifts are important!

    Do it after you have opened your gifts
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 25, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    I agree with what was said above.... "let them down"??? You need to have a different attitude.


    I'd go into it that I'm not your typical guy and talk about things you both already know make you a little atypical... and speak about it in a positive way.. .it is.

    I would agree that today probably isn't the best day for a variety of reasons.
    Wait for a couple of days. I would agree they probably already know.
    Good luck. Let us know what happens.

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    Dec 25, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    My young friend still hasn't been forgiven for 'ruining Christmas' 5 years ago!!
    YOU think it's the perfect time to make yourself happy.
    It's not all about YOU! Have some decency, think of others and WAIT a day or two.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 25, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said My young friend still hasn't been forgiven for 'ruining Christmas' 5 years ago!!
    YOU think it's the perfect time to make yourself happy.
    It's not all about YOU! Have some decency, think of others and WAIT a day or two.


    exactly. None of us live in a vacuum. What we do and say have real impacts on others, especially loved ones. Coming out isn't about making yourself feel better, it's about reaching out and wanting to bring those you love into a more intimate understanding of your life.

    Good luck Drob.
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    Dec 25, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 said
    StudlyScrewRite said My young friend still hasn't been forgiven for 'ruining Christmas' 5 years ago!!
    YOU think it's the perfect time to make yourself happy.
    It's not all about YOU! Have some decency, think of others and WAIT a day or two.


    exactly. None of us live in a vacuum. What we do and say have real impacts on others, especially loved ones. Coming out isn't about making yourself feel better, it's about reaching out and wanting to bring those you love into a more intimate understanding of your life.

    Good luck Drob.


    Agreed. Definitely wait at least until tomorrow.