Are the guys different in NYC than in LA?

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 25, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    I'm from Southern California and have lived here my whole life except for 1.5 years in Europe. I work for a company that has a NY office and I may have the opportunity to work out of there. I do love LA. It's my home. But let's face it, NY is the mecca. I love dense urban environments and there are none greater in this country than NY.

    Even though I live in West Hollywood where there couldn't possibly be more gay guys in one place, I have had zero success in meeting the right guy for me. My longest "relationship" was one month.

    Most people who live in LA and (I presume) NY are not actually from those places. They are from South or Midwest or wherever in this country or some other country.

    I have a hypothesis that this is what causes the differences in the people who live in these cities. Those that choose LA are dreamers, have stars in their eyes, are attention-seekers, are not grounded in reality or simply are here only to escape oppressive winters. Those that choose NY are motivated, sophisticated and have a desire for acculturation. These are, of course, BROAD GENERALIZATIONS. I like Angelenos, but I just feel like maybe I'd fit in better and would be more likely to find the guy for me in the city that never sleeps.

    I'm curious if anybody else thinks there's any legitimacy to my hypothesis, or am I just working off of stereotypes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 25, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    I have never been to the US. But from what I see on TV and what I hear from friends, people (I don't know about the (gay) guys) from both places are different in so many ways. But it probably boils down to what you said. But let us see what the experts have to say.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 25, 2009 10:41 PM GMT
    i have lived in both cities. your overgeneralizations are based in truth.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 26, 2009 12:04 AM GMT
    Na, i think people are just people and life is what you make it, wherever you go. I know alot of un-motivated new yorkers with absolutely no sophistication to speak of...[ well i dont really know them but i can point them out to you ]..lol
    I'm sure the right guy will come along........
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 26, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidNa, i think people are just people and life is what you make it, wherever you go. I know alot of un-motivated new yorkers with absolutely no sophistication to speak of...[ well i dont really know them but i can point them out to you ]..lol
    I'm sure the right guy will come along........


    well i agree with you to a certain extent but you can't tell me that certain geographical areas don't bring about certain general characteristics
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 26, 2009 3:04 AM GMT
    Hunter9 said
    jgymnast733 saidNa, i think people are just people and life is what you make it, wherever you go. I know alot of un-motivated new yorkers with absolutely no sophistication to speak of...[ well i dont really know them but i can point them out to you ]..lol
    I'm sure the right guy will come along........


    well i agree with you to a certain extent but you can't tell me that certain geographical areas don't bring about certain general characteristics

    Hummm, thats tricky,
    Thats kind of like judging a book by it's cover and we all know how dangerous that can be....
    So, i guess this is both a yes and an i'm not sure answer...
    but i guess some people can be products of where they come from....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 3:07 AM GMT
    generalizations are sometimes based in truth...but, I gotta say, i think that you are making broad assumptions...keep an open mind! ;-) hang in there!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    I have had short relationships as well since I have been here in LA. I feel like there are so many gays, that everyone just always wants to keep their options open because it seems like there is so much to pick from. If your'e in a town with not as many gays, I think people may work on the relationship more. I may be wrong though. After 4 years in LA, I am not confident I will find my man here. ...but then again, I may be guilty of these actions as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    Not to sound like an asshole, but you can't blame the city you live in for your lack of successful relationships, and as a result try to run elsewhere to look for one. Furthermore, you really can't generalize everyone into a certain type of person based on the city they live in because every individual is different. Your generalizations are mostly stereotypes of these two cities, and NOT everyone fits them. Now, I really don't know how good your NYC job would be, but unless it enables you to pay ~$3000/month to rent a decent apartment in Chelsea and/or West Village, I would just stay in WeHo, because you already have countless attractive gay guys who are not all self-centered with stars in their eyes conglomerated into your current neighborhood, so why downgrade unless its a big promotion? Yes, New York is a huge city and "mecca" as you call it, but it's not as fun if you don't know anyone, and the fast-paced environment makes it only more difficult to meet people in comparison to the relaxed west coast.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Dec 26, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    NYC: 070106_woody-allen.jpg



    LA: george-hamilton.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    >>Begin Rant<<

    Amen brutha. I live in NYC, and let me tell you, the dating scene is not good. I've actually gone so far as to make it a rule to refuse to date any one in or around NYC, past or present, and that's after 9 years of hard experience and thinking "this one is different. They can't ALL be the same." The problem is too many people, too many aspiring models, too many aspiring actors. People are always looking around for the next best thing, and if you don't conform to a particular height/weight/shape/age, you're ditched. Or you're ditched the first time the NYC guy you're seeing actually has to put effort into the relationship, such as going to YOUR place or disagreeing with what kind of wine to drink with dinner. And yes, I've seen both of those things happen.

    That's not even going into the "application" process NYC guys seem to think someone should go through in order to attain the "privilege" of getting to know them. Then when you don't play the game, they get all pissy and act like there must be something wrong with you for not being interested.

    >>End Rant<
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Dec 26, 2009 6:26 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]jimbobthedevil said[/cite]>>Begin Rant<<
    People are always looking around for the next best thing, and if you don't conform to a particular height/weight/shape/age, you're ditched. Or you're ditched the first time the NYC guy you're seeing actually has to put effort into the relationship, such as going to YOUR place or disagreeing with what kind of wine to drink with dinner. And yes, I've seen both of those things happen.

    That's not even going into the "application" process NYC guys seem to think someone should go through in order to attain the "privilege" of getting to know them. Then when you don't play the game, they get all pissy and act like there must be something wrong with you for not being interested.

    Hmm. Problems sound pretty universal. Guy from Minnesota.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 6:42 AM GMT
    I've entertained moving to LA on several occasions and it's always been motivated by only 2 reasons: Escaping Canadian winters and dream-chasing a dumb video game career.
    So maybe you're on to something.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Dec 26, 2009 7:30 AM GMT
    I lived in LA for about 3 years while in the Marines and that place just stinks. I'm not big on NYC either, but at least you can do more things there. If you like or participate in sports (basketball right?) there is a thriving gay community that offers something other than the bar, music, fashion or artsy scene; not that there's anything wrong with those. Also, you can take a trip to experience Philly, DC or other eastern/midwest cities with much to offer. After moving from Orlando to Chicago, I will say this: sometimes it's the mind's domain that makes it easier to establish something significant with another guy. The city may not matter nearly as much as your openess to love. As my Granny used to say, "If you ain't hungry, you won't eat." In other words, nothing changes until you do. Best of luck either way!
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 26, 2009 9:24 AM GMT
    LAguy87 saidNot to sound like an asshole, but you can't blame the city you live in for your lack of successful relationships, and as a result try to run elsewhere to look for one. Furthermore, you really can't generalize everyone into a certain type of person based on the city they live in because every individual is different. Your generalizations are mostly stereotypes of these two cities, and NOT everyone fits them. Now, I really don't know how good your NYC job would be, but unless it enables you to pay ~$3000/month to rent a decent apartment in Chelsea and/or West Village, I would just stay in WeHo, because you already have countless attractive gay guys who are not all self-centered with stars in their eyes conglomerated into your current neighborhood, so why downgrade unless its a big promotion? Yes, New York is a huge city and "mecca" as you call it, but it's not as fun if you don't know anyone, and the fast-paced environment makes it only more difficult to meet people in comparison to the relaxed west coast.


    im not blaming the city... im only asking if the guys might be different in NY than they are in LA. And i wouldn't be moving to NY in order to find a guy, i would be moving there because its an amazing city, and if i happen to have more success in dating due to a "different breed" than all the better. my questions are in reference to that.

    also, i wouldnt be getting a promotion, but i would be able to afford rent there... although (sadly) wouldnt be able to sock away as much money as im able to here in LA. and i actually do have connections, both family and friends, that live out there.

    oh, and im all about the "fast paced environment". in fact, i thrive in that scene. im tired of laid back and relaxed SoCal.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 26, 2009 10:50 AM GMT
    Having spent time in both cities I think you might find that there's a big difference

    If you whittle it down to its essence it can be said that in LA the emphasis is on how you look
    and in NY it's who you know

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    I moved to Ft. Lauderdale from the midwest, mainly for the numbers game of finding 'the one' (I did find him, online living in Dallas but that's another story)

    I think your broad generalizations are correct. There are a ton of nice men in any city, but they are overshadowed by the extremes. In Southern Florida men come to play and escape the winters and it is rare to find someone who is well read. The lack of any first rate educational institutions and low pay is another issue.

    No one goes to NYC after flunking out of school, coming out of rehab or having messed up big time. The same can't be said for LA or South Florida.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 12:03 PM GMT
    While collies and retrievers have their differences, they're still quite similar because they are both dogs. That's how I think of the men in LA and NY icon_lol.gif. Guys in NY lament about being unable to establish relationships too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 12:42 PM GMT
    Yes.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Dec 26, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
    I think there are some stereotypes as you say...and with all stereotypes there is truth. There are also always exceptions to the stereotypes.

    I've dated guys in both cities, but haven't lived in either so you can take my comments with a grain of salt. LA certainly seems to be about "feeding the ego" and being seen. A lot of surface glitter without the substance. And beneath the surface, there are lots of fault lines.

    In NYC, a little rougher on the surface perhaps but a more solid foundation beneath...meaning that NYers may be a little harder to get to know but may be worth the effort.

    But I've had NYC friends who lament about not being able to find decent guys. I've met some, however, in both cities and think that if you want to find the "real" ones that you find the guys that grew up in the South or Midwest and relocated. Another stereotype, I know...but there is truth to it. The good ones are usually not into the scene and have found a place where they're comfortable with who they are...regardless of where they live.

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 26, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidNo one goes to NYC after flunking out of school, coming out of rehab or having messed up big time. The same can't be said for LA or South Florida.


    I think you just hit it on the head.

    Thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    I get what you are saying, and you do have to sort of live your life where you feel you fit the best and it sounds to me like you might have more of an affinity for the values of the northeast vs. the west, so follow your passion...as they say.

    However, one month relationships are commonplace in any mecca, and quite frankly the more options people have, the less likely they are to be inclined to committ or bond in ways that are more permanent. While people can dream in LA, and that can be annoying, here in NYC, people tend to be hard to get to because they overanalyze and are critical thinkers and have unscalable walls that can sometimes push you away for reasons that may be unclear, and that to me can feel just as frivolous!

    Anyway, the best to you in whatever you decide, but if you feel YOUR personality is more suited to NYC, then get you ass over here already!
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Dec 26, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    I was born and raised in New York and I've also spent some time in L.A. From my experiences I have found that people who were born and raised in these cities are the most down to earth people you will ever meet, the problem is the people from out of town who come to these cities seeking fame and fortune. They tend to be fake, superficial and egotistical and unfortunately these people come in large numbers, which gives the entire city a bad name.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Dec 26, 2009 5:32 PM GMT
    In LA, people pretend they like you when they first meet you.
    In NY, people pretend they don't like you when they first meet you.

    In NY, they push grandmas off the sidewalk to get by them.
    In LA, they drive grandmas off the road to get by them.

    If you've never lived in NYC and are intrigued by it, you gotta give it a go. Just make sure all your possessions can fit in a shoebox!

  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14345

    Dec 26, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    Even though I never spent anytime in either New York City or in Los Angeles, I am not interested in visiting either city anytime soon. I just cannot understand all this big rave about both two cities being so-called meccas when there are beautiful men all over this great country of ours.