Advice For The Lonely Gay Man Part II--(How to pick up men)

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 26, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    straightgay.jpg

    Part II--How To Pick Up Gay Men


    Approach
    Find the gay man you would like to pick up, and walk up to him. Close proximity is absolutely neccesary.

    Appearance
    Use some sort of hair styling product, no matter how your hair looks. It shows that you care about your appearance, and that seems to be the most important part. Suggested looks are either short and spikey or sort of long and droopy, like a shaggy dog. But remember, all men are different and prefer different hairstyles. Try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen and renders him helpless.

    Personality

    Be charming - Be James Bond. Especially if you can pull it off. Don't be perky. It's annoying, and a LOT of work. Don't be dark and brooding, either, unless you have dark hair, in which case it is okay.

    Eating

    Eat everything you can if you are underweight, eat nothing if you are overweight. Always make the guy think that you are the opposite of what you really are to try to counter the effects of reality.

    Drinking

    What's the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy? Two six packs.

    Improvisation

    If you use these tips, you will have the foundation for picking up gay men, but also don't be afraid to improvise.

    Stay tuned for Part III-How to pick up Bi-Men
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 5:22 AM GMT
    I think I'm screwed on the Appearance part, since I have a shaved head. icon_lol.gif

    And who's the guy in the picture?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    if some guy kept flipping his hair in front of me, it'd aggravate me silly.
    i'd get scissors and chop it off ," there! now, say something intelligent and stop moving. "


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 6:16 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]malefeet said[/cite]straightgay.jpg

    Part II--How To Pick Up Gay Men




    Appearance
    Use some sort of hair styling product, no matter how your hair looks. It shows that you care about your appearance, and that seems to be the most important part. Suggested looks are either short and spikey or sort of long and droopy, like a shaggy dog. But remember, all men are different and prefer different hairstyles. Try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen and renders him helpless.



    You've tested this method? icon_wink.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Dec 26, 2009 6:19 AM GMT
    DODGY1974 said You've tested this method? icon_wink.gif


    Yes, and if your hair is as short as mine is.....you just run your fingers through it a lot....icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 10:05 AM GMT
    I think we need an instructional video. icon_cool.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 26, 2009 12:56 PM GMT
    Some of this I would agree with, some not. I don't think you need to drink a thing to pick up men... but in terms of looks, appearance and personality, I can see it.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 26, 2009 1:03 PM GMT
    Wow .... gay men brink beer? icon_cool.gif

    Woulda figured? icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 26, 2009 1:55 PM GMT
    I'd avoid the obvious and not pick them up by the genitals. Even the well-hung tend to have tender crotches.....

    What? He's talking about ..? Oh.



    Carry on.
    icon_redface.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 21, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    With all of the topics lately dealing with the inability to fine "The One"....I thought it best to bring this thread back into the open. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    "Use some sort of hair styling product... Try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen and renders him helpless."

    This is when I knew for sure this is satire. Amusing, though. BTW, I haven't used a "hair styling product" since Brylcreem in the early 1960s (and yes, I still have hair to use stuff on). I find a daily shower that includes a shampoo (we used to be told to only wash our hair once a week at most) produces much better results than applying hair products.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 21, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said"Use some sort of hair styling product... Try to have as much hair as possible and flip it around as much as you can. This disorients the man you have chosen and renders him helpless."

    This is when I knew for sure this is satire. Amusing, though. BTW, I haven't used a "hair styling product" since Brylcreem in the early 1960s (and yes, I still have hair to use stuff on). I find a daily shower that includes a shampoo (we used to be told to only wash our hair once a week at most) produces much better results than applying hair products.



    OMG...You remember Brylcreem also.....icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    malefeet saidOMG...You remember Brylcreem also.....icon_redface.gif

    Well, of course. In the 1950s and early '60s a man HAD to have his hair slicked back. I hated it, one of the reasons I stopped going to barbers by the time I was 15 (1964), learning to cut my own hair, and using nothing in my hair.

    Gawd, I looked like Alfalfa, and had the cowlick that wouldn't behave, too. Here I am (or the film character as I was). I even wore a bow tie & suspenders to school until I was around 7:

    alfalfa-print-c10113037.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    malefeet saidPart II--How To Pick Up Gay Men
    Easy...just squat with your knees at a 90° angle, wrap your arms around their them, then stand up and twist them around like a ballerina.
    Works like a charm. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    Part II--How To Pick Up Gay Men


    I really don't like picking up gay men icon_mad.gif They squeal and whine when I do about wanting to stay lying on the floor or in bed.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 21, 2011 1:02 PM GMT
    kangourou said
    malefeet said
    Part II--How To Pick Up Gay Men


    I really don't like picking up gay men icon_mad.gif They squeal and whine when I do about wanting to stay lying on the floor or in bed.


    ROFL000202BD.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 1:44 PM GMT



    This is usually the first place I go in my head when I think about "How to pick up men"... and I usually stay there for hours on end. Esp. the part around 45 seconds in.

    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    When will we get to the part about properly disposing of the man you've picked up? Do they go into recycling? Or can you give them to a second hand store?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidWhen will we get to the part about properly disposing of the man you've picked up? Do they go into recycling? Or can you give them to a second hand store?
    That's what hacksaws, ziplock bags, and freezers are for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 21, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    bhp91126 saidWhen will we get to the part about properly disposing of the man you've picked up? Do they go into recycling? Or can you give them to a second hand store?
    That's what hacksaws, ziplock bags, and freezers are for.

    Way to much work. I advocate releasing them back into the wild. Nutritional value is near zero anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 24, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSome of this I would agree with, some not. I don't think you need to drink a thing to pick up men... but in terms of looks, appearance and personality, I can see it.


    You could be on a 40 day fast and you could still pick me up!