A lot of people are pointing out that no one wants to hear about their "flaws." But since when is being effeminate a "flaw"?
Now there are plenty of effeminate guys who piss me off to no end because they make it into a whole diva act, calling people "girl" and "bitch" and all that.
But I've also known some guys who just naturally had some effeminate characteristics, whether it was being soft-spoken or having somewhat of a "gay accent," if you know what I mean.
Frankly, the whole cult of masculinity taking hold in the gay world is a little disturbing to me, with guys making a point to describe themselves as "masculine," a "real man," or, god forbid, "straight-acting." Believe me, whenever I see something like that in someone's profile I move on. It shows that either they're insecure about their "masculinity" or their sexuality or both. And although it's standard gay code for "I'm a manly man," it's still comes off as a slam against other people, which seems both unkind and unnecessary.
In the interests of full disclosure, I had the same views as hippie4lyfe's when I first came out. Lisp = dead to me. But as I learned to differentiate "acts" from true personalities, the effeminacy issue kind of just faded away for me.
I've met and dated so many different types of guys now that I'm realizing that you've just gotta talk to someone to figure out if they're right for you. Who knows, maybe there's a screaming queen out there who's perfect for me. If it's who they truly are and not some dumb act they put on at the local queer watering hole, then cool.
Anyway, I don't mean to get up on my soapbox. It just really bugs me that so many guys put on the act of being a "manly man," just like there are guys who act the diva's part.
And hippie4lyfe, if this effeminate guy was good enough for you to date (or to do whatever else with), then I doubt his effeminacy was the real dealbreaker. Did you visualize introducing him to your friends and family and co-workers, and get scared that they might think you were less manly for dating him? Or is it possible you yourself thought you were less manly for dating an effeminate guy?
I really don't mean to give you shit about this. For a while I often thought the same kinds of things about certain types of guys, especially the effeminate ones. "What does it say about me as a gay man if I publicly date so-and-so?"
But I will say that "effeminacy" as a reason for a breakup is a bullshit answer. Being effeminate (or "masculine") has nothing to do with the kind of person someone is. Dating implies wanting to be with a whole person, not a "type." If it were me who had been dumped, and the guy dumping me objected only to some superficial personality trait instead of what I think or do or feel, then yeah, I'd be pissed off too.
In closing, I agree with PSBigJoey -- just say that you're not feeling the chemistry. It really does cover a lot of ground. :-)