People Who Break Plans At The Last Minute W/ No Explanation...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    I just walked out on my "friend" / yoga teacher today because he yet again canceled plans we had at the last minute w/ out any explanation.

    He has a habit of doing this to me and today I became fed up.
    As I was leaving he told me to take my yoga mat and stick it up my ass! icon_lol.gif

    Not very yoga like IMO.

    We probably aren't speaking anymore because of this.

    Was this the right thing for me to do?

    I feel if friends make plans and you back out at the last minute then you
    at least owe that friend an explanation why.

    What do you guys think?
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Dec 30, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    I personally have had this done to me many times but I never got upset about it, things happen and most times its best not to try and explain things because it'll make the person you canceled on feel that was a lame excuse but it could have only been lame to you, not to the person canceling as I too have had to cancel at the last minute.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    I have a friend and boyfriend (in the beginning stages of dating) do this to me. It use to upset me but then I started double booking if I made plans with them. Once they found this out they realized what they were doing was shady and stopped.

    As a side note, when double booking I would inform the second party that I had previous plans but I may get ditched.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 30, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    I think it is pretty much deplorable to continually treat another person like this, let alone a friend. I have a friend that has a real problem doing this to people, and he is trying to get better about it. Two therapists have bluntly stated it is because he thinks his time is more important than other's. It is a power play to show which person is in control. Granted, there are emergency situations, like perhaps once a year, but if it is a habit than it is a more serious issue.

    If someone is continually late, this is also an issue, but sometimes it has to do with the lack of time management skills.
  • jeffreyr

    Posts: 43

    Dec 30, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    I think you did the right thing and if i were you I would have stuck the yoga mat up HIS ass. It's a big world with people who actually make and keep commitments.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Dec 30, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    This is an example of when you have to set boundaries with friends. Some people will take advantage or walk all over you if you allow them to. Let the friend know that this isn't cool, and if they continue to do it find a new friend.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:14 PM GMT
    This person has a pattern of doing this to me, and I'm tired of it.

    He could have said something about it the night before and that would have been fine. And the name calling as I was leaving was pretty messed up too.

    What was that about?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    People seem to be doing this more and more frequently. I don't treat people that way and I don't make plans with people who do.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 30, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidI have a friend and boyfriend (in the beginning stages of dating) do this to me. It use to upset me but then I started double booking if I made plans with them. Once they found this out they realized what they were doing was shady and stopped.

    As a side note, when double booking I would inform the second party that I had previous plans but I may get ditched.


    Double booking has backfired on me. I had a friend from college, we were friends for about 18 years. She would continually cancel out on plans, even when I had already drove up to her neighborhood. We would literally have plans for every weekend, and I would reserve time for her, only for her to cancel the plans by the time the weekend arrived. The last few years we would actually see each other maybe 5 times a year but yet again have plans for almost every weekend.

    I used to double book, meaning that because of her horrible track record I would invite someone else along so that if she canceled I wouldn't be alone at the movie theater, etc. If she knew about the other person coming as well, when she canceled she would just say that I shouldn't be too upset because I had someone to do the event with.

    So there you have it, I have had two really good friends over the last few years that has a habit of doing this. The one of over 18 yrs I've completely dumped as a friend, I just couldn't take all the aggravation. The second one is actually improving in his reliability.

    Don't accept this pattern from others, it doesn't make you feel good, and it sets up a really bad life pattern that seems to attract other doofuses like this to your life like flys to honey. I think the OP did a wise thing to deem this "friends" behavior unacceptable in his life.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 30, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    I think it depends on who it is and why. If its some dude you want to hook up with and he keeps cancelling.. consider the source and move on. If its a friend (like it seems here) and you know the guy or have some history of friendship, you should expect.....and receive more.

    If he cancels you without any notice or reason, he isn't giving you the right kind of consideration. I'd have called him on it as well and told him that you have considered him a friend, wanted to spend time with him and he must not feel the same based on his actions. The fact he told you to "stick it"
    shows his lack of maturity. I'd probably find a different friend, but leave the door open for an apology and discussion. If he doesn't take the initiative, I'd move on.
  • metta

    Posts: 39107

    Dec 30, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    "Something suddenly came up." - Marcia Brady
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    This is just a silly because it's not like this is new behavior. You choose to
    put up with it for however long he was doing it. Because you said he does this all time. Now you decide to perform. I say you are both better off not being friends. What I don't is how you can walk out on someone who has already canceled on you?
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    chasgo3 saidThis person has a pattern of doing this to me, and I'm tired of it...

    As you should be; it's unacceptable behavior.

    I don't believe you mention whether this person is gay or not. Chronic lateness and unreliability among gays is a pet peeve of mine, worthy of a separate post. But if this individual is indeed gay, then I would classify it as the cost of doing business with gays in too many cases. You want reliability, then look for a non-gay yoga instructor.

    It's one of the personality attributes of the gay gene that I lack, perhaps because the US Army drove it out of me. But all my gay friends routinely joke about "GST" (gay standard time), which means don't ever expect a gay to be on time, or as a corollary, to follow through on what he promises. Some do, and when that happens treasure them, because they are among the most rare of all gay men.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    Ducky46 saidThis is just a silly because it's not like this is new behavior. You choose to
    put up with it for however long he was doing it. Because you said he does this all time. Now you decide to perform. I say you are both better off not being friends. What I don't is how you can walk out on someone who has already canceled on you?


    I got tired of being a chump.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    chasgo3 saidThis person has a pattern of doing this to me, and I'm tired of it...

    As you should be; it's unacceptable behavior.

    I don't believe you mention whether this person is gay or not. Chronic lateness and unreliability among gays is a pet peeve of mine, worthy of a separate post. But if this individual is indeed gay, then I would classify it as the cost of doing business with gays in too many cases. You want reliability, then look for a non-gay yoga instructor.

    It's one of the personality attributes of the gay gene that I lack, perhaps because the US Army drove it out of me. But all my gay friends routinely joke about "GST" (gay standard time), which means don't ever expect a gay to be on time, or as a corollary, to follow through on what he promises. Some do, and when that happens treasure them, because they are among the most rare of all gay men.


    No. He says he's not gay. I believe that.
    But I know he has the propensity to be bi when drinking too much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    Put up with what you are happy with. Me, I have almost no patience with this sort of rudeness. It says, more powerfully than words can ever unsay, that they do not consider their relationship with you important.

    If I were you, I would not bother making contact with this particular person again.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    metta8 said"Something suddenly came up." - Marcia Brady


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Word!

    Her face was ever present in my mind...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    Just curious... had you brought the issue up to him before you "walked out" on him? If he's a friend you valued, it's best to speak up well before it gets to the boiling point.

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 30, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    Some people are just selfish, inconsiderate, flakes.
    And, too many people let them get away with it.
    So, they keep right on doing it.
    Good for you for telling this guy that you'd had enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 5:08 PM GMT
    Chasgo

    Next toime cut it off fresh out the gate! Good for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI think it is pretty much deplorable to continually treat another person like this, let alone a friend. I have a friend that has a real problem doing this to people, and he is trying to get better about it. Two therapists have bluntly stated it is because he thinks his time is more important than other's. It is a power play to show which person is in control. Granted, there are emergency situations, like perhaps once a year, but if it is a habit than it is a more serious issue.

    If someone is continually late, this is also an issue, but sometimes it has to do with the lack of time management skills.


    This is the standard case in the gay community, a lack of following through with planned engagements, and I consider it an EXTREME problem.

    I don't let people cancel or not get back to me more than once. If it happens twice in a row, they're gone.
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    Dec 30, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    djdorchester2 saidJust curious... had you brought the issue up to him before you "walked out" on him? If he's a friend you valued, it's best to speak up well before it gets to the boiling point.



    He finds those discussions uncomfortable and weak.
    As I was leaving he told me I looked like a clown and I was an asshole.

    I just got a text from him:

    "Sorry for the harsh words. I hope you find what you are looking for. peace"

    We've known each other for at least 5 years and have a tumultuous relationship.

  • Chris894

    Posts: 3

    Dec 30, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    I agree the same thing just happen to me over New Year plans. He left town and never told me til he got there. Now he keeps texting wondering why I am not answering. It is just respect for the other person...Hey Iam sorry something came up have to cancel plans...How difficult is that to do to let someone know especially a friend. Friends understand when last minute thing happen. I feel if you can just blow me off than your not really me friend. Just be Honest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    chasgo3 said
    djdorchester2 saidJust curious... had you brought the issue up to him before you "walked out" on him? If he's a friend you valued, it's best to speak up well before it gets to the boiling point.



    He finds those discussions uncomfortable and weak.
    As I was leaving he told me I looked like a clown and I was an asshole.

    I just got a text from him:

    "Sorry for the harsh words. I hope you find what you are looking for. peace"

    We've known each other for at least 5 years and have a tumultuous relationship.



    Drop him, he'll never change. Trust me, it's not worth it. Find other people who will respect you. They're out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2009 5:23 PM GMT
    chasgo3 said
    djdorchester2 saidJust curious... had you brought the issue up to him before you "walked out" on him? If he's a friend you valued, it's best to speak up well before it gets to the boiling point.



    He finds those discussions uncomfortable and weak.
    As I was leaving he told me I looked like a clown and I was an asshole.

    I just got a text from him:

    "Sorry for the harsh words. I hope you find what you are looking for. peace"

    We've known each other for at least 5 years and have a tumultuous relationship.




    Oh, in that case, I suggest responding with this:

    1245617112fuckbag.gif