Are threesomes a deal breaker in a relationship?

  • Jtm87G

    Posts: 10

    Jan 01, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    I'm in a semi-serious relationship right now and my bf wants to try a threesome....at least he wont stop talking about it and he brings it up often...I'm just not sure if this will bring us closer or hurt the relationship...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 01, 2010 6:19 PM GMT
    Depends on how you feel about it, really. If you don't want to and he really does, it's probably not going to work out well unless someone is willing to concede. If you can separate the sex from the emotions, there's nothing wrong with doing some experimenting if you want.
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    Jan 01, 2010 7:51 PM GMT
    Jtm87G saidI'm in a semi-serious relationship right now and my bf wants to try a threesome....at least he wont stop talking about it and he brings it up often...I'm just not sure if this will bring us closer or hurt the relationship...


    I think you should talk openly about this with your bf. sexual fantasies are an important part of a healthy sex life. If this is all that he wants then give it a try. Make sure you do it with a stranger, not someone he has a crush on or is lusting after.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Jan 01, 2010 8:16 PM GMT
    JTM, I was the 3rd in a relationship that wanted to see...I feel like I hurt it since they both liked me and they are bioth vers, and bottom and I am an endowed top and they loved it...now they both try to get me when the other is not there..I do not do it unless they are both there..do not want to be the cause of a broken relationship ever...I can also walk away and not look back on this if I have to...there are lots of guys out there and do not want to cause problems..
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    Jan 01, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    I second what Timberoo said.
  • Jtm87G

    Posts: 10

    Jan 01, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input guys...I think that I would be able to take the emotion out of it if it was a stranger/not somebody I would see everyday...it's just difficult being in a college environment where all the gays know eachother for the most part...so I suppose the answer would be to look outside of campus.
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    Jan 01, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    Agree with most of the post, but it is important that this is something that is mutually agreed to. If you do not feel comfortable with this, you and the bf need to have a serious talk.
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    Jan 01, 2010 11:59 PM GMT
    It's a semi-serious relationship and he wants to have a threesome now? I did this when I was seeing my ex at about the 3 month mark, and to be honest, I brought it up because I was no longer attracted to my ex and was rethinking being in the relationship.

    You dont mention how long youve been with this guy but it sounds like it's still kind of new? Shouldn't this be the exciting time where you can't get your hands off of each other?

    All in all - if you're up for it, do it. If you're in doubts, don't.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jan 02, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    it all depends on who the three are, & what motivates them . . .
    be careful
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    Jan 02, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    hell yea! don't like threesomes at all
  • Jtm87G

    Posts: 10

    Jan 02, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 saidIt's a semi-serious relationship and he wants to have a threesome now? I did this when I was seeing my ex at about the 3 month mark, and to be honest, I brought it up because I was no longer attracted to my ex and was rethinking being in the relationship.

    You dont mention how long youve been with this guy but it sounds like it's still kind of new? Shouldn't this be the exciting time where you can't get your hands off of each other?

    All in all - if you're up for it, do it. If you're in doubts, don't.


    It is fairly new....we are almost together 7 months now....our sex life is really really good and it does feel like we can't get out hands off of eachother...I don't think it's just me either b/c he initiates the sex the majority of the time...hmmm interesting though...thanks for your input icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 02, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    If your BF is wanting to introduce a 3rd into your relation then he's not serious about building a long term relationship with you - At least in the traditional view. Personally I'd nip it in the bud or cut it off immediately.
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    Jan 02, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    For me, I have had three-way's but none with any past BF. For me, If a boyfriend brought up the idea of a three-way, I would re-evaluate the relationship. Fantasies are fine and normal. Why would I get into a relationship if I had the thought of including a third?
  • westdave

    Posts: 212

    Jan 02, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    it's the beginning of the end..
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 02, 2010 2:52 AM GMT
    I'm a slutty bring home a boy to share kind of guy. If it's a new relationship, it's doomed. I wouldn't suggest it until way later on. If you've been together for 10 years, it might mean he's missing some spice in his life.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 02, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    Not for nothing, but to the majority of people a gay relationship isn't a traditional one, even if the two guys pattern it on a traditional one. Playing devil's advocate, is it bad to want to share and explore a sexual fantasy with someone you love and are attracted to? Should you only explore your fantasies with strangers? If you're not going to do it when you're young, when? It doesn't get any easier with age to break out of your usual patterns, trust me.
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    Jan 02, 2010 1:40 PM GMT
    Jtm87G saidI'm in a semi-serious relationship right now and my bf wants to try a threesome....at least he wont stop talking about it and he brings it up often...I'm just not sure if this will bring us closer or hurt the relationship...


    I'm available icon_twisted.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 02, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    Or is it a "dealmaker"? icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 02, 2010 10:38 PM GMT
    Well, if you're not sure about it then that could....


    you know..


    be your answer in a way.
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    Jan 02, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    Not that I would know, but they're completely acceptable as long as you and your partner go in on it together. You have to play safe, you have to set boundaries, you have to kick him out before the sun comes up, you should make the third wheel watch as you pound the hell out of your partner, but not the other way around, and you shouldn't do it more than once with the same guy unless he's great in bed.
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    Jan 04, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    If I had a BF and he asked for a threesome I would maybe try it out...But that's one of those doors you could never shut and I would be more observant of his actions after that. If you say no to the threesome is there a chance he'll just have sex with another guy anyway without you? That's the question I'd be asking myself.
  • Jtm87G

    Posts: 10

    Jan 04, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    I honestly don't think he would go and have sex with another guy if I chose to say no to the threesome request...at least that is what I hope icon_confused.gif I think the entire idea is just a big fantasy of his, and yes I'll admit that it def. sounds tempting to me as well, I just am feeling hesitant about it b/c I think that our relationship could really be going in a good direction and I do not want to change that.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    There are all sorts of resources that can help you navigate this issue, which it seems like you are going to need to deal with whether you decide to do it or not.

    If your really concerned about it threatening your relationship maybe it's time to research sex therapists or bdsm resources that can help you talk about it with your bf and safely negotiate *all* the issues with a threesome, not just the sexual aspects.

    Lots of couples successfully navigate a threeway or two... or ten... or ___.
    Whatever the case communication is key and starting the discussion sooner rather than later, when it becomes more wrought with assumptions and uncertainty, is better for both of you and the relationship.