So I met this guy...

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    Jan 03, 2010 8:42 AM GMT
    So I met this guy in my English class and slowly things began to hit off. Any time I would start talking to the group of people I was sitting around, I would glance over in his direction, and he would quickly look away. This continued for a couple months and every time we looked at each other, the other person would look away. If I passed through his side of the class, he would always make little conversations with me though. Later in the semester, his eyes wouldn't even move once I looked at him. I could be having a conversation with someone else, look over, and just stare into his eyes for a few seconds, and he would be staring right back.

    One day, I held the door for him after class, and we ended up talking about grades and eventually, just life. I asked him if he wanted to go grab some coffee, and we ended up talking for about an hour. We had coffee twice more after that, with him skipping 20 minutes of his Chem class to talk with me. I worked up the courage to ask him to dinner, and he ended up saying yes, but not right away. I was so happy! We exchanged numbers but I eventually ended up texting him to make sure he was interested, since his answer to dinner was a bit off.

    Anyway, this story has no happy ending. Turns out he's straight and I lose a friend. We got along perfectly until I asked him out, then we stopped going for coffee and we stopped talking in class.

    So my question is, how do I meet people? It's not like I was just hoping this guy was gay; he stared into my eyes constantly, he was always very well dressed and well groomed, and well, he just looked gay.

    This is so frustrating; that was the 2nd straight guy since the summer that I've hit on. Damn straight guys need to be less friendly.

  • Jan 03, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    I feel sorry for you man.
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    Jan 03, 2010 12:54 PM GMT
    Poor thing
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    Jan 03, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    You dont have a problem meeting people. You went up to your classmate and struck up a conversation with him and even asked him out. Thats all it takes. Keep doing what you usually do and you will meet a guy in no time.

    On a side note....your classmate may be dealing with his own sexuality. Straight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid
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    Jan 03, 2010 2:15 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidOn a side note....your classmate may be dealing with his own sexuality. Straight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid


    Amen to that. Gymguy's advice is sound...keep doing what you do. Life isn't short, so don't expect to find a guy right away. The keepers always take some searching otherwise we wouldn't learn to treasure them! Keep your head up. Your man is out there!
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    Jan 03, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]

    On a side note....your classmate may be dealing with his own sexuality. Straight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid[/quote]

    I was wondering about this myself. I was sorta crushing on a guy at work and honestly thought he was straight. But he was constantly making hard eye contact with me everytime I seemed to look his way. I hate when I catch myself staring at anyone (I'm single, go give me some slack), so I try to be self-aware when scoping out another. A friend of mine at work noticed it as well and simply asked the guy if he was straight, to which he said yes. It seems, though, that everytime we work together we end up staring at each other way more than I think is normal for ANY straight guy.

    I've known straight guys that get flirty with me after they find out or ask if I'm gay. But this staring thing is just confusing the bloody hell out of me.

    Well...just thought I would chime in that you're not the only one that gets utterly confused by that shit!
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Jan 03, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    WHY THE NEED 2HIT ON THEM SO FAST?

    Becum friends and develop that just as a guy with women... then ur friendship and buddy aren't at risk... at least my experiences here at a 20K student university!
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    Jan 03, 2010 2:58 PM GMT
    Are you sure? Alot of straight men make eye contact and hold it for a bit. So does that mean every guy i think is cute that does that to me I can ask out?
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    Jan 03, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    sounds to me like you both had different motives....crossed wires.....he may have just wanted to make a new friend in school....he liked your personality... and wanted to be mates with you.....he may have known you were gay but it wasn't an issue for him as he was straight.....sorry you got a bit crushed by it all but maybe you pushed for something thatb wasn't there in the first place?icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 03, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    He may not have been straight, but just wasn't ready to acknowledge his sexuality. I think you need to approach a new friend with the understanding that you both may not be on the same wavelength. Depends on what you want. If you wanted to date him, you got your answer and move on to someone else.... if friendship was really important to you, I would have sidlined any other thoughts other than getting to know him and being a friend until sometime (if ever) in the future.

    Good luck and use the experience to your advantage next time.
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    Jan 03, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidStraight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid


    How I wish this were actually true. Life would be so much simpler.
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    Jan 03, 2010 4:12 PM GMT
    There was this guy in class who was constantly looking at me. Made me a bit nervous cause he was hot and straight. I later found out that he and another guy had been secretly drawing me. LoL!
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    Jan 03, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    Yeah I agree with everyone's comments.

    If anything you're doing WAAYYYY better than I was when I was in school. You're taking initiative (making eye contact, coffee dates, asking for dinner, etc) which is something I NEVER did unfortunately.

    I was more like the other guy, dealing with my sexuality. If a guy had asked me out like that I would have run just like he did. Not because I wasn't interested though...I would have run because I WAS interested, which is dumb but we all deal with this sexuality issue in different ways and speeds.
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    Jan 03, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    Don't establish a pattern and get depressed based on just two experiences. You could draw your conclusion after about 40-50 consistent experiences with guys you thought were gay and were actually straight. My hunch is that long before you hit 15, you will hit the jackpot!
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    Jan 03, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    Don't sweat it. You're doing the right thing. Unfortunately, by the numbers, there are fewer gay guys than straight guys so it's a given that you're going to strike out probably more often than not.

    He may have been staring at you just because he finds you interesting. A straight guy can be interested in another guy in a platonic way. We all see people we think are funny, interesting, attractive, and want to get to know. Even if there's no sexual interest.

    Or, as others have said, he may be afraid of his own sexual feelings and not ready to acknowledge that yet.

    Either way, he's unavailable, so move on. And don't be discouraged.
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    Jan 03, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    NCemtOBX said[quote][cite]

    On a side note....your classmate may be dealing with his own sexuality. Straight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid


    I was wondering about this myself. I was sorta crushing on a guy at work and honestly thought he was straight. But he was constantly making hard eye contact with me everytime I seemed to look his way. I hate when I catch myself staring at anyone (I'm single, go give me some slack), so I try to be self-aware when scoping out another. A friend of mine at work noticed it as well and simply asked the guy if he was straight, to which he said yes. It seems, though, that everytime we work together we end up staring at each other way more than I think is normal for ANY straight guy.

    I've known straight guys that get flirty with me after they find out or ask if I'm gay. But this staring thing is just confusing the bloody hell out of me.

    Well...just thought I would chime in that you're not the only one that gets utterly confused by that shit![/quote]

    Exactly right? Straight guys aren't supposed to hold eye contact but they do it just to confuse us.

    chris8787 saidAre you sure? Alot of straight men make eye contact and hold it for a bit. So does that mean every guy i think is cute that does that to me I can ask out?


    Well, no I guess not. If it's just someone on the bus or in a coffee shop that you don't know, that might be a bit weird. But what are you supposed to do to meet people then? What's your secret?

    TommyT saidsounds to me like you both had different motives....crossed wires.....he may have just wanted to make a new friend in school....he liked your personality... and wanted to be mates with you.....he may have known you were gay but it wasn't an issue for him as he was straight.....sorry you got a bit crushed by it all but maybe you pushed for something thatb wasn't there in the first place?icon_smile.gif


    Ya, I was probably pushing for something that wasn't there but that's me being the optimistic guy I am, haha. Also, judging by his reaction, he didn't know I was gay. I don't exactly wear my sexuality on my sleeve, and I would like to think of myself as a masculine guy. Our ending texts to each other were somewhere along the lines of "oh, i didn't know you were interested in me in that way, im straight", "good luck on finals". Then I sent one last text to him to see if he ever wanted to just go for coffee again for fun that I never got a reply back to.

    Indy404 saidYeah I agree with everyone's comments.

    If anything you're doing WAAYYYY better than I was when I was in school. You're taking initiative (making eye contact, coffee dates, asking for dinner, etc) which is something I NEVER did unfortunately.

    I was more like the other guy, dealing with my sexuality. If a guy had asked me out like that I would have run just like he did. Not because I wasn't interested though...I would have run because I WAS interested, which is dumb but we all deal with this sexuality issue in different ways and speeds.


    haha, thanks. Initiative has screwed me twice so far though, so, I wouldn't say I've done too much better. Let's hope the new semester brings new people (with pretty eyes) into my life. Cheers
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    Jan 03, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    innerathlete said
    gymguy1 saidStraight men dont stare into the eyes of another man. He probably got a little afraid


    How I wish this were actually true. Life would be so much simpler.


    Unless the stare is complimented with angry eyebrows...LOL. But honestly, eye contact between men typically signals aggression, like a stare down to signify confidence, leadership, etc. I guess we have to observe the complimentary body language to interpret the gaze.

    But to the OP, as others have said before, keep on doing what you're doing. If the guy is straight, hopefully he will view your advances as a compliment. You definitely have more guts than, ahem *cough*, a lot of other guys.
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    Jan 03, 2010 6:25 PM GMT
    Kudos to you CG for your initiative. I wish I had your balls at that age! Keep swinging and you will connect! Loved your comments about tipping - I never was waiter but always (situationally) tip at least 18 and if the dude is very good and hot he gets 25% or more!!
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    Jan 04, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    NJDewd saidKudos to you CG for your initiative. I wish I had your balls at that age! Keep swinging and you will connect! Loved your comments about tipping - I never was waiter but always (situationally) tip at least 18 and if the dude is very good and hot he gets 25% or more!!


    haha, thanks for visiting my page. I never was a waiter either but I just feel bad when I've been waited on hand and foot, and they get a lousy tip. Also, some of my icon_evil.gif friends don't know how to do math (15% is too hard to calculate for them).