MY BIGGEST FEAR IS FALLING FOR THE WRONG GUY PLEASE HELP

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    Jan 06, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    icon_neutral.gif Hi guys

    just coming out being gay at 21 everything seems to me so new, i am just another straight acting gay guy, since i just came out, i never had a boyfriend, i liked a guy once everything about him seem so gay(according to me) but later i found out that he is into girls i mean straight, my heart skipped a beat and fear set in, fear of falling for the wrong guy again.

    there is something called gaydar, i dont know if that is in me, since i like straight acting gay guys how do i get an assurance if the guy is gay or straight, and i like meeting guys naturally not into the gay "scene".

    i need help guys i know for sure you guys are more exprienced and ready to help
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    thanks
    ryan
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    Jan 06, 2008 4:43 PM GMT
    Ryan,
    Gaydar is overrated. I've been out for a long time and I still can't tell half the time. If you are talking about identifying someone by the way they look, well, some stereotypes are true: gay men tend to have better haircuts, trimmer bodies, are better groomed, etc. But even this is less and less true: lots of straight men are learning to gussy themselves up and I know lots of gay slobs (well, not lots, but some).

    If you are trying to identify a guy by talking to him, you can use the old trick of asking him if he and his girlfriend are planning to hang out this weekend, or something. If he says he has no girlfriend, you're part of the way there. You can casually mention that you don't either and see if that leads anywhere.

    Or in this day and age, if you feel safe, you can be blunt. "Are you gay?" settles the question one way or the other, assuming he doesn't intend to punch you out or anything. Just be careful with whom you use the direct approach.
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    Jan 06, 2008 8:08 PM GMT
    thanks jp

    i found you one advice very good to ask the guy if he and his girl are planning something....

    i will try using this its a good oneicon_razz.gif

    thanks
    ryan
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    Jan 07, 2008 7:18 PM GMT
    Guys i really need help on this oneicon_confused.gif
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    Jan 07, 2008 8:08 PM GMT
    Best place to meet gay guys is to go to places where they congregate whether it be gay bars, gay social organizations, gay sports organizations, gay volunteer groups etc.. Another good place is to be online like RealJock or MySpace. Sometimes though this avenue attracts people that are less than honest about themselves. At least when you see someone in person they cannot try and fool you with phony descriptions or photos.

    I would never rely on my "gaydar" in an environment where there are a lot of straight people around. It just is not that accurate, and you risk getting yourself hurt (emotionally that is) or disappointed.
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    Jan 10, 2008 2:48 AM GMT
    You sound like me when I came out. I had no gay dar. I got a lot of helpful words and advice from some guys here.
    I know this will suck to hear, but there really isn't such a thing.
    What there are though, are signs. The biggest one is the eyes. Guy guys are gonna maintain eye contact while straight guys will break eye contact for awhile and then make eye contact again.
    You'll learn the signs sure enough . . . but then you will find a pro-moe straight guy and then all is out the window. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 10, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    thanks tigericon_smile.gif
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    How do you know you don't want a guy in the scene? You are 21, just coming out, and I will assume sexually inexperienced with other guys.

    You don't say what you want. If you want to fool around with guys who are not in the scene (which I recommend you do for the above reasons) find a gay group for the sort of scene you are into. Gay sports teams, book clubs, political clubs abound. There is a group in my city for bears, jocks, foot worshipers, and log cabin republicans. And I live in a run down rust belt city. You live in Edinburgh, there should be groups for what ever you are into.

    But if you want a relationship when you don't have much experience in the gay scenes (emphasis on the plural) is setting the bar kind of high.
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    Don't worry if he is the wrong one. If you find out he isn't the right one then you can always kill him if he isn't the right one or if you hit on a straight dude and he humiliates you.
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    thank you for your reply guys, i will keep these thoughts as i move forward in lifeicon_smile.gif