as I age

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    Jan 03, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    As I age, I'm learning things about my self.

    I need less, less money, less time, less people, less things, less love from others, less time spent wallowing.

    I need more, more affection, more love, more good people, more time, more laughter, more talks, more thoughts, more mental stimulation, more sexual depth, more self discovery, more warmth.

    as I grow, the less I truly know, the more I learn the more I find I truly lack and the more excited I become about the possibilities of what I can do with the empty space to grow into.

    I've found that many people like to think in absolutes, in grand ways and ideas, to see the big picture and hold the big things, to collection more and get more.

    as I develop, I'm finding more in the details, the grand is a grain of sand, the big picture is a leaf and collecting is only taking it away from someone else.

    My life is so much more then I ever thought before, I've loved so many, I've lost so many, I've been deeply touched by others without knowing it, I've been hurt deeply without ever saying it, I've screamed inside and done nothing but smiled, but I've smiled and never shown it, I jumped for joy and never did it.

    I've held more in my little hands then I can ever realise and I've put it down without notice.

    I've given in, given up, I've won, I've lost, I've dominated and been dominated, I've attacked and hidden in the corner, I've been good and bad and usually at the same time.
    I've been beaten down more times then I wish to admit and I've beaten down others even more, I've felt shame so deep I tried to hide from it, I've tried to justify my actions, I've tried to hide them, I've tried to stop them and I've tried to ignore them, I've hurt people, I've shamed them and crammed them into little boxes.

    I've done so very much and nothing at all.



    And I realise now more then ever... there is more in life that I've ever know and will ever know, that people have let me grow through means that are not always best for them, that people have beaten me down when I actually need it, that I have been loved so much in my life that if I'm never loved again that I will still smile widely with joy and that all those who have done these things for, to, at, with, against or in me have never been thanked properly, they don't know how they have shaped me, who I am today, who I will be tomorrow and who I never was because of them.

    I liked to think that I am my person, unique, individual, that I am my own person, that I am me, but in reality, me, is all those people who have affected me in ways that are sometimes big and sometimes so minutely small as to be practically invisible.

    I am all those people who affected me, I stand tall and proud in this world, not just for me, but for everyone who has made me and everyone who will make me.
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    Jan 03, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    its 2010 buddy- go for iticon_smile.gif
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    Jan 03, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    Wow! We all get caught up by the minutiae in our own little bubbles and never see all that is beyond our front porch. Well said, my friend.
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    Jan 03, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    Just felt I'd add this:

    I've determined this re-newed life will be eloquent
    It's beauty I will see.

    The new year which lies ahead,
    I enter blissfully.
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    Jan 03, 2010 4:42 PM GMT
    jprichva saidGosh, Tanky, that was so moving, it makes me want to....


    ...stuff a ball gag in your mouth, throw you against a wall, and fuck you senseless.


    JP, you romantic devil !!!

    As for you, big B., if you think you are aging at 27...wait about 20 or so years..... icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 03, 2010 7:08 PM GMT
    As usual, I can't say it any better than JP, so I won't.
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    Jan 03, 2010 7:16 PM GMT
    This was truly inspiring.....so LilTanker, do I show up naked at your door or be delivered by UPS? Just wanted to keep the mood upbeat.icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 03, 2010 7:17 PM GMT
    Tanker in a melancholy moment, eh?

    Well, man, aging is what you make it.
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Jan 03, 2010 7:17 PM GMT
    Congrats: Tank.

    Some people never learn as they age....
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    Jan 03, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    Gosh now all you need is a job..............icon_idea.gif and I don't mean a blow job either..icon_wink.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 03, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidAs I age, I'm learning things about my self.

    I need less, less money, less time, less people, less things, less love from others, less time spent wallowing.

    I need more, more affection, more love, more good people, more time, more laughter, more talks, more thoughts, more mental stimulation, more sexual depth, more self discovery, more warmth.

    as I develop, I'm finding more in the details, the grand is a grain of sand, the big picture is a leaf and collecting is only taking it away from someone else.

    I've done so very much and nothing at all.


    as I age ... I realize that I truly know joy. I truly know happiness. for both joy and happiness lay in the realization that neither you nor I can ever truly possess. we have moments - hence the wonders found in a grain of sand ... in the small and in the integral parts of the whole - we each have moments that, overall, work to determine the whole. adversity comes in rising of the sun and on the heels of fear ... but facing each grain of problematic enterprise will lead to furthering that understanding.



    oh, baby, we gon' make it ...
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    Jan 03, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    Well stated. All of it.
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    Jan 03, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    jprichva saidGosh, Tanky, that was so moving, it makes me want to....


    ...stuff a ball gag in your mouth, throw you against a wall, and fuck you senseless.

    hahaha whore me a dirty little whore too and you might just have a deal!! ;)

    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI thought it was a tad too long.

    Is there a cliff notes shortened version?
    icon_twisted.gif

    You need a spanking! icon_evil.gif

    Paxton saidThis was truly inspiring.....so LilTanker, do I show up naked at your door or be delivered by UPS? Just wanted to keep the mood upbeat.icon_wink.gif

    Hows about you be the UPS guy ;)
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    Jan 03, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidTanker in a melancholy moment, eh?

    Well, man, aging is what you make it.

    It happens, it's rare, like blue moons or hens teeth, but it happens!
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    Jan 03, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    jrs1 said
    as I age ... I realize that I truly know joy. I truly know happiness. for both joy and happiness lay in the realization that neither you nor I can ever truly possess. we have moments - hence the wonders found in a grain of sand ... in the small and in the integral parts of the whole - we each have moments that, overall, work to determine the whole. adversity comes in rising of the sun and on the heels of fear ... but facing each grain of problematic enterprise will lead to furthering that understanding.



    oh, baby, we gon' make it ...

    Noice and like that song too, will need to check'em out further icon_biggrin.gif
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Jan 03, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    Awwwwww; this melts my heart first thing in the morning of Monday, 4th January 2010!
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 04, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    Wow.
    Good speech.
    I guess that's part of why they say that "youth is wasted on the young."