On a date, and guy says he thinks someone else is hot...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    So this might just be me, and if it is I'd like to know so I can get over it. But I think the majority of us have been there: You're on a date with a guy, or hanging out with him and for whatever reason, he'll see someone he thinks is hot, and comment on it. For instance, once I was on a date with a guy, we went to a nice restaurant and the waiter who was serving the table next to us was very attractive. We could both tell. But rather than keep it to himself, my date said to me "Damn, that guy's hot!" To which is responded "sweet." I wasn't feeling threatened by the waiter, or angered by my date's comment. I just thought it was annoying and kind of low class to make a comment about another person while on a date.

    I don't get why a guy would do this. He might do it as an attempt at male bonding (like how two straight guys will agree on a girl they both think is hot) or he might do it as a way of coming across coy and aloof, or maybe he really just wants to be a jerk. Either way. Does it annoy anyone else when that happens?

    My thoughts are that if we're on a date, and trying to get to know one another, you don't do that, plain and simple. Thoughts?
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    I don't comment on other guys when I'm out with someone, but I think we may be in the minority. It's been happening all my dating life, so I've gotten used to it, even though it seems really odd to me. I've never made a remark or big deal about it, because that would feel just as weird.
    Now I'm dating a man who did make a couple of comments about other men when we we're in New Orleans for the New Years holiday. First off, both comments were about twenty-something year old's, who we're remarkably attractive - so what can you say? Honestly, everyone who looks at men like that must think the same thing.
    Secondly, my new friend tells me a lot that he finds me attractive and that's really more important.
  • vacyclist

    Posts: 162

    Jan 04, 2010 9:11 PM GMT
    I don't think it's a big deal if you & the guy you're with are secure in your relationship. My bf & I exchange comments about hot guys from time to time, seems like we have similar tastes in men...if it's a first date or someone you don't know very well, maybe not so cool.
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Jan 04, 2010 9:12 PM GMT
    I think it is inappropriate for some one to comment on hotness of another guy while on a date with some one. There will be a time for that when you both are comfortable with each other and have an understanding. I would date this guy one more time to see if he repeats the behavior, and then try to figure out if that guy is really interested in me. If I'm unable to do that, maybe because he is giving mixed signals, I would probably confront him. If that would end in being just friends is very subjective and dependent on the common interests.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    This depends

    If it is a first meet type situation, it could be a way of telling you, that you two won't be a match.

    If you've been seen each other for a bit - it's just harmless "ideal findings". You find someone hot as well and let him know.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    I don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't start it if I was out with someone I don't know (yet), but if he starts making such comments, I'm happy to just chip in. I'm not really that insecure that I think the guy who goes out with me can't find other guys attractive as well.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:22 PM GMT
    thames76 saidI don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't start it if I was out with someone I don't know (yet), but if he starts making such comments, I'm happy to just chip in. I'm not really that insecure that I think the guy who goes out with me can't find other guys attractive as well.


    I wouldn't say its insecure of me to not like it when a guy says that on the first date. If we start to go on more and more dates, I can understand how that'd be ok. But I don't think it has any place in a first date setting.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:28 PM GMT
    AJeJr88 saidDoes it annoy anyone else when that happens?

    In general public settings I'm ok with a coy non-verbal acknowledgment every once in a great while. But declarations like that based on aesthetics alone are vapid and useless to me, I'm never impressed when someone says that flippantly about me or others.
    *To me* it's the conversational equivalent to out of the blue saying, "sometimes I eat breakfast".
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:37 PM GMT
    Honestly, I think a lot of us don't find ourselves regularly in situations where it's easy, OK or comfortable to say "he's hot" to another guy. So when we are, date or not, you're just aching to say what's on your mind sometimes.

    I'm out, but to this day I find myself checking my words before spilling them in mixed company. It's not always necessary, it's just me.

    Sometimes, it's just nice to be able to say what's on your mind...when it's on your mind. Remember to take note of the tone as well. That's where the real meaning of what is said can be found.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:37 PM GMT
    Every time this has happened to me it was a way for the guy to tell me that I was not his type. Fortunately, the men these guys found hot were very different from me (as far as looks).
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    I agree after a period of time dating someone and if you are serious about each other and comfortable with each other, it would be OK. You know each other more. Yes people notice other attractive people...given but, I agree with jawrhed, as long as his comments about other people are just that, passing comments, and not at your expense.

    First date scenario though.....totally classless, clueless and boorish. You're supposed to be getting to know the person your with, not looking around for your date for the next night! If you want to give him another chance, fine.....but I'd have said, "man that's not cool and I don't appreciate it" and left him sitting there to oggle the waiter all he wanted. His loss!
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI know that if my straight friends were to talk about how fine or how hot another chick was while out on a date with a woman that they would be considered assholes.

    I think when it comes to common courtesy and consideration that these rules should be universal and not 'reinvented' by the gay community.


    THANK YOU! my thoughts exactly. Its common manners that your parents should have taught you, and just because we're gay doesn't excuse us from using them.
  • Stephan

    Posts: 407

    Jan 04, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    Ouch, that is a big stinger in my book, especially if its a first date.
    Those kind of comments can be possibly said after one has been in a relationship after several years plus and both are comfortable upon expressing beauty in others.
    That would not only kill the date, but put the idea in my head, that this guy is not really BF material.
    Go with your first thoughts and instinct(s), you probably right.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 04, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    If he said, "That guy's almost as hot as you," I'd be okay with it. Otherwise, I might say, "That makes me feel special." But then, I've been told I'm a sarcastic ass (by my mother), so don't try this at home.
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    to tha' left . . .
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    Jan 04, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    Tacky, tacky, tacky. Does it mean I would never go on another date again? Not necessarily... but it would be one strike against him!

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    Jan 04, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    If you'd been bfs for a year it would be nothing. But not on a first date! This guy did you a favor by making it so obvious he's not dating material.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 04, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    I think it's tacky to do on a date.
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    Jan 04, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    AJeJr88 said
    thames76 saidI don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't start it if I was out with someone I don't know (yet), but if he starts making such comments, I'm happy to just chip in. I'm not really that insecure that I think the guy who goes out with me can't find other guys attractive as well.


    I wouldn't say its insecure of me to not like it when a guy says that on the first date. If we start to go on more and more dates, I can understand how that'd be ok. But I don't think it has any place in a first date setting.
    First date....first few dates...hell yeah. Way rude. It should be all about you guys.
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    Jan 04, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    AJeJr88 said
    thames76 saidI don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't start it if I was out with someone I don't know (yet), but if he starts making such comments, I'm happy to just chip in. I'm not really that insecure that I think the guy who goes out with me can't find other guys attractive as well.


    I wouldn't say its insecure of me to not like it when a guy says that on the first date. If we start to go on more and more dates, I can understand how that'd be ok. But I don't think it has any place in a first date setting.


    Ok,insecure is probably a bit strong. As I said, I wouldn't say something like that first thing, but I also wouldn't read too much into it if he did. Some guys need this kind of banter, just like other tend to bore me all evening with their workout routines or the last football match. In someway everyone (including myself) is inconsiderate, we just are in different ways. In the end you have to decide how annoyed you are with these comments and whether you will put up with them or not. Despite this finding other guys hot thing, you still should be able to tell whether he is interested in you or not. And if he is interested in you and you are interested in him you certainly will find a way to educate him ;-) If not - don't bother and move on.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 04, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    It depends on the date actually

    If it's a very casual get together where you guys are just meeting up
    it's a little off color
    But if it is an actual date date where one of you might pick up the tab
    then it's out and out rude icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    Yeah, I agree with the guys who say it’s tacky. It doesn’t bother me much, since I think for most people it’s more of a male-bonding technique, albeit misplaced. My worst experience was when I was on a date, and after the guy talked extensively about respect and how he expected it for everyone, when we walked through Union Square he stopped listening to whatever it was I was saying at the time, openly gawked at a collection of underaged skateboarders, and then said how he wished he lived in the east village since the UES didn’t have that youthful energy. He didn't need to say "he's hot" to communicate his thoughts there. icon_neutral.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 04, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    The OP is correct.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Jan 05, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    i think if your on a date with someone that your interested in and that person is interested in you as well, its plain tacky to comment on someone elses hotness....your attention should be on that person you are with and that person only....no excuses,no reason to say someone else is hot plain and simple bottom line
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    Jan 05, 2010 12:06 AM GMT
    NCemtOBX saidHonestly, I think a lot of us don't find ourselves regularly in situations where it's easy, OK or comfortable to say "he's hot" to another guy. So when we are, date or not, you're just aching to say what's on your mind sometimes.

    I'm out, but to this day I find myself checking my words before spilling them in mixed company. It's not always necessary, it's just me.

    Sometimes, it's just nice to be able to say what's on your mind...when it's on your mind. Remember to take note of the tone as well. That's where the real meaning of what is said can be found.
    You mean being tactful?

    icon_lol.gif

    I like reading your posts, Cemt. They are pretty god.