Is it normal?

  • hopelessly

    Posts: 8

    Jan 05, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    Ok so I really hope to post on other peoples topics cuz this’ll be the third time im posting my own topic to try figuring out my own issues. Its not like I don’t actively check this forum but I haven’t been able to post randomly I guess.

    Nonetheless looking back at my other 2 topics they mainly revolve around me initially coming out for the first time to a close friend of mine which I pretty much fell for and dealing with him and myself before and after coming out and informing him bout my feelings for him.

    Its been over 3 months since then and I’ve come out to 3 friends and have learned to appreciate the guy I fell for as a friend more then ever as hes been helping me through this a lot. I feel like our relationship has gotten back to its prime over the summer and thought I distinguished him as just a really good friend, if not best friend( at least from my PoV). We’ve both managed to open up to eachther bout our own interest, relations and all that and hes managed to listen to me with any issues I might have bout my sexuality and have come to a point of just joking bout it. So Ive been really content but I’ve kinda fallen to a confused state of mind yet again.

    So little less then a month ago during a party hooked up with some chick (just a bj) and I mentioned it to him and he was having trouble understanding how I could hook up with some chick and while yeah I’m pretty sure I’m gay I eventually got into the blowjob and did it I guess. Nonetheless during winter break he talks to one of his friends bout something regarding sexuality and comes back to be telling me bout his friend who wanted to “desexualize the penis/vagina” as he puts it and ends up getting a blow job from a gay friend of his. Take in mind the guy is straight and just wanted to kinda eliminate things placed upon him by society. Idk so my friend comes back to me telling me this story and we start talking bout how gay guys manage to blow straight guys more then expected and how his friend got a blowjob from a pretty close friend of his and kinda understands where I came from when I got one from a girl.

    My main question is that now I’m not sure if the reason he mentioned this conversation was to say how he understand kinda how I hooked up with a girl or some suggestion that I could blow him and it’d be ok. He didn’t speak suggestive at all but he has no reason because he knows I liked him and he told me hes straight. Hes mentioned how he could never see himself hooking up with a guy but after the conversation with his friend he understands where I come from.

    So while I have gotten over being romantically into him is it right to want to talk to him bout possibly blowing him? I mean hes rarely weirded out by stuff but is it normal to want to blow ur straight friend? I mean I love the kid, but I’d like so say as a friend since he told me hes straight but this new conversation has opened up the whole thought of it in my head again.
    Is it possible to blow him as a friend and maintain that relationship if its simply for the pleasure of both of us. I still haven’t done anything with a guy sexually and he knows that.

    I guess complimenting this, idk but I guess throughout highschool I had friends and stuff but ive never had this close a relationship with a friend before. And I can’t help but think about him, not sexually most of the time but just random notions in my head and certain shit that reminds me of him cuz we have done a lot of shit together. I don’t know but is it normal to constantly think about a really close friend of yours and not be subconsciously romantically into him. Like ive said we’ve acknowledged that hes straight and I just love him for being the friends hes been and helping me out throughout this whole thing.

    I write long posts and apologize as always. Honestly each time I fall into these never-ending thoughts in my head its due to being to pussy to tell someone and getting some logical view from it and going from there, so I guess the best thing would be talking to him about it cept I don’t wanna feel uncomfortable round him even though im probably sure im over that stage but who knows how ill act afterwords.

    So yeah, is it normal to constantly think about a really good friend of yours without being romantically into him knowing its impossible? And is it normal to want/not mind blowing your straight friend if he might be ok with it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    hopelessly said
    So yeah, is it normal to constantly think about a really good friend of yours without being romantically into him knowing its impossible? And is it normal to want/not mind blowing your straight friend if he might be ok with it?

    Distilling somewhat, yes, it is perfectly normal.
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    Jan 05, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    The quick answer is DON'T make is sexual if you really value the friendship. The chances are very high that you will destry it. I personally think it's quite natural to want to be sexual with someone you are very close to. It's a lot easier for a gay man to get into sex with a woman than for a straight man to get into sex with a man because of societal pressures.

    My best friend is straight and we're as tight as two guys can be without it becoming sexual. I know he'd be there for me no mater what and I value that friendship tremendously. Now he is also 9-kinds of hot and we have had similar conversations with regard to me and woman and how he could never do such, and he's even made sexual jokes suggesting I could have him. However, I know that if I hit on him it would damage the friendship. Part of the trust he has in me comes from knowing that I'm his rock solid friend and not after him sexually. At one time I too fell a bit for him and I talked it all out with him - I told him the feeling would pass in time (and it did) and he said he's stick by me and he did. There was a moment where I could have had sex with him and we both knew it. He looked hesitant but curious and told me "mike, if we have sex i think it will really mess with my head" and I knew that too. I told him "I know" and passed it up. And I think that moment he knew he could trust me with anything.

    How did you feel about the girl that sucked you off? Were you into her? did you want to hold her and be close to her? did you want to be her friend forever? The answer is probably no to all. sure, she made your little head happy but she can't make your big head happy because you're not wired that way. If you blew your friend, the best you could hope for is to please his little head. His big head isn't wired that way and given the way society programs us, you might really mess him up to the point where he never wants to see you again for the pain of being reminded of his gay activity. NO BJ is worth losing a good friend over IMHO
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    Jan 05, 2010 4:15 AM GMT
    When I first came out I had a straight buddy ( my best friend ) and I was really attracted to him both physically and romantically. He took it ok however over time he went his way and I went mine. Up till then I had never messed around with another guy. I slowly started dating w some hook ups and found other guys that I was physically attracted to and some cases interested in dating. My desire to fool around with my friend ended after being with other guys who felt the same way about men that I did. My best advice is don't proposition your friend and stay clear of making any advances towards him..If he starts something that might be another story. Start meeting some other gay guys that you are into and keep your close friendship with your friend as it is. You'll both be happier and that sexual " tension" on your part will fade eventually.
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    Jan 05, 2010 9:20 AM GMT
    gay rite of passage