Jan 06, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
I understand this is a confusing time, when you aren't sure whether or not you're more excited by Brad Pitt, or Catherine Zeta-Jones.
However, don't assume that your lifestyle choice will necessarily limit your career choices. You can be straight and still become an interior decorator. It's harder, but you can do it. Same thing with a hairdresser. Just answer the questions, add up your scores and you'll know what sexuality is right for you.
Do you want to wear fabulous clothing? If so you should choose homosexuality.
Are fabulous blow jobs important to you? If so, you should choose homosexuality.
Do you want to live in a trailer park? If so, you should choose heterosexuality.
Do you like to look at people in leather? Actually, this is a trick question. Both straight men and gay man can look good in leather. So you don't have to decide on this point, you naughty boy.
Do you like to talk about your feelings, particularly with women? If so you should choose homosexuality.
Do you like to play beach volleyball? If so, you should choose homosexuality
Do you like NASCAR? Then you should choose heterosexuality. Unless your favorite driver is Jeff Gordon. Then you should opt for homosexuality.
Do you think John Ashcroft is a great singer? If so, you should definitely choose heterosexuality. .
Do you want to sing the blues about cheating, no good women? Then you should choose heterosexuality.
Do you like to like to lift weights and show off your immense, bulging muscles? Then you should choose homosexuality.
Do you say the heck with my body? Then you should choose heterosexuality.
Do you collect Nazi memorabilia? Then you should choose heterosexuality.
Just total up your scores and see where you end up. The score will tell you whether you prefer Kirsten Dunst or Tobey Maguire. If you get a tie score, consider bisexuality. After all, it worked for David Bowie.