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Is it wrong to go to a Gay Bar and not be interested in "meeting" some one?

  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jan 06, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    Went to a local gay sports bar last night to catch the Orange Bowl; I had a late meeting and couldn't get to my normal Sports Bar before the game started. Had a great time; especially since my Hawkeyes won. Everyone I interacted with was really nice, and had some good conversation, football and otherwise. However, I heard "Do you come year often?" literally half a dozen times. I guess since I walked in alone and stayed at the bar had something to do with it, but it started to get amusing. Now I have never been a "bar guy," so my gay bar/club experiences are limited to when I get invited to specific events, or shows. Is this the norm if you go on your own?
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  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Jan 06, 2010 6:15 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say it's the norm, but a sports bar probably gets a regular crowd and you were the new guy.
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    Jan 06, 2010 6:41 PM GMT
    I find neighborhood bars are more like that be they gay, straight, pubs, dives or whatever. I think people ask because most regulars have a specific time the go in and are feeling you out to learn if you are a regular too on a different schedule.
    My friend is a bit of a bar fly at his local dive and he refers to the different crowds as the matinee=daytime, tea time=afternoon/evening and dinner=night crowds... that scares me.
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    Jan 06, 2010 6:49 PM GMT
    I'm at the bar all the time, but it's rarely to meet someone. I just like being out and about with my friends. And my favorite bar has a poker league and a dart league, both of which I like playing. I really think most people (except for Fri and Sat night) aren't just looking for a guy.
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    Jan 06, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    It is small talk. It is a way of saying "I am interested in you and would like to know more about you, here is an appropriately benign question to start things up".
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  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jan 06, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    I used to have a hang-up about going to bars and EXPECTING to meet someone and then come home disappointed. Your approach is much healthier. Go out to have a fun time. If you happen to meet someone, great. If not, that's not why you went out in the first place, so all's good.
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  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 06, 2010 7:10 PM GMT
    Then I'd be going to gay hell

    I never go to a bar or a club looking for someone
    If it happens? Hey kool
    but nah .... it's not a prerequisite
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:13 PM GMT
    In a word. No.
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    It a very long time since I did that, and now a rare sighting of me in a gay pub/club, it's never to meet anyone. But I love the reaction you get when a person who has come to talk with you, finds out you'll be going home alone.
    So no you don't!
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    No.
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:30 PM GMT
    "do you come her often" is a cliche pick up line that people of all sexual persuasions use.
    I am not sure it has anything to do with wether or not you do or don't actually go there often.
    They just wanted to talk to you, take it as a compliment.icon_wink.gif

    And going to a gay bar to have fun is pretty standard. Just as standard, however, is having to mix with those who have gone there to find a date.
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  • Stephan

    Posts: 407

    Jan 06, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    I have gone out just to catch a game or have a beer with no intentions of meeting or hooking up with someone.
    I have been asked that before, and the usual "Nah, just out for a beer..." works. I guess the usual people that go out at that time are not used to seeing someone different at that time.
    I used to go out only on Saturday nights with friends to dance, and a guy came up to me and asked me if I am out all the time...
    I guess its a common question asked. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
    icon_wink.gif
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  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Jan 06, 2010 7:52 PM GMT
    I always find the desperate guys that show up to "meet" somebody really sad. But I don't go to bars much, gay bars were designed to be pretty torturous for me.
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    When I first came out ( early 90's ) bars were on of the few avenues a guy could go out and look for another guy looking for the same thing. I remember when the bar closed at 2am all the people hanging out on the sidewalks looking for a potential hookup if they didnt find someone earlier. We used to call it the " Sidewalk Sale" . Since the internet came along with websites for chat/ dating/ and sex etc I think that bars have been pushed to the back as a place to drink, have fun, and see friends. I go out occasionally but havent met a guy in a bar in 7 years...and I don't go there looking for that either. I'm curious if most would agree that more guys prefer meeting someone online vs at a bar.
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    Jan 06, 2010 7:58 PM GMT
    How DARE you go into a bar without the intention of hooking up with the first man you meet!

    Give us back your gay membership card, your fashion-forward clothing, and your Lady Gaga CDs. You are OUT!

    That being said, "Do you come here often?" is a classic conversation-starter, since the person has little else to jump off from at that point. Maybe 1% of the time they are actually curious about how often you go there.
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    Jan 06, 2010 8:47 PM GMT
    Skotlake said and your Lady Gaga CDs.


    Those need to be separately forwarded to the Department of Ciarsolo, as well as all GaGa related affairs.
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    Jan 06, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo said
    Skotlake said and your Lady Gaga CDs.


    Those need to be separately forwarded to the Department of Ciarsolo, as well as all GaGa related affairs.


    You are gaga.
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    Jan 06, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    Maybe people were just being nice and striking up a conversation? How dare they!
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  • aidikay

    Posts: 32

    Jan 06, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    No. I went out all the time to bars just to watch people. I LOVE crowd watching. (Now that I think about it, that sounds like a pervert. Gulp. Hahaha.)

    I think "Do you come here often?" is a conversation starter. I use/hear it all the time at gyms too. And I honestly think that they just want to chat with you, not necessarily interested in "meeting" people.

    But if he's cute, provide a cliffhanger, and hey, "Here's my number."
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    Jan 07, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    Aquanerd saidWent to a local gay sports bar last night to catch the Orange Bowl; I had a late meeting and couldn't get to my normal Sports Bar before the game started. Had a great time; especially since my Hawkeyes won. Everyone I interacted with was really nice, and had some good conversation, football and otherwise. However, I heard "Do you come year often?" literally half a dozen times. I guess since I walked in alone and stayed at the bar had something to do with it, but it started to get amusing. Now I have never been a "bar guy," so my gay bar/club experiences are limited to when I get invited to specific events, or shows. Is this the norm if you go on your own?


    I think a lot of people go to bars to find someone to get intimate with. And equally, there are are people to go to bars simply to be social, or relax, or drink away their sorrows.

    Me, any time I go to a bar it is with the express intent of spending time with my friends and never with the intent nor desire to hook up. In fact, my friends accuse me of going to gay bars with the express intention of ignoring everyone in the bar (which isn't exactly true, but pretty damned close).

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    Jan 07, 2010 1:49 AM GMT
    DavePhx1007 said I'm curious if most would agree that more guys prefer meeting someone online vs at a bar.


    I don't know about most people, but when I was single I definitely much preferred meeting someone at a bar. Turns out the first guy I met there (the bouncer) ended up being my future boyfriend. The first guy I met online on the other hand... who the fuck knows....

    To answer the OP... of course it's not wrong.
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    Jan 07, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    I treat all bars the same just like I treat all people the same. Merely being gay in a gay bar doesn't mean that you are necessarily there to meet someone. A lot of times when I go out I have no intentions of meeting someone. I have a sports bar that I enjoy going to because of the atmosphere and because it's just a nice bar with a nice spread and great food.

    It's a good place ytomaybe meet someone but then again I'm pretty optimistic about that sort of thing so I figure I can meet anyone anywhere if I so choose why limit myself to a bar or a club. When I go out to these types of places I'm just out to have fun, have a good drink and enjoy the company of my friends.

    No expectations equals no disappointments.

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  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 07, 2010 2:08 AM GMT

    no ... that's the approach I take as well. " no expectations. "

    thanks, MeOhMy
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    Jan 07, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    It's perfectly fine....

    I go to the clubs for the purpose of dancing, taking my shirt off on the boxes and tease everyone that sees me mesmerizing them with my dance moves.....
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  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 07, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    Let's back up and go to the "I went to the local gay bar" part of your question. How many people in north america, or god help us south america, get to have a local gay bar? Stop whining! What do you think gay guys in bugtussle south dakota do to meet guys? Well, they come here hopefully! Just like me, from bugtussle canada.
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