Scared off by HIS good looks?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2010 7:55 PM GMT
    Let's admit it: Beauty on the outside plays a huge part in the initial attraction between two people, and in the start of a relationship. And when two men are dating, it's often the case that one of them is tempted to compare himself physically to his partner and, odious as such comparisons always are, ends up feeling somewhat insecure. That's how I feel about this colleague at work, except that I was scare off by his looks before I could even consider the possibility of a relationship.
    There is no shortage of guys I see every day that I might find attractive; but the impression this person leaves is altogether something else. I find him almost... divine, despite the fact that we have not talked and do not spend any time together at work.
    My attention would drift now and then to the brief moments he spent in my section of the office, but I find it intimidating even to strike up a conversation with this person, including that water cooler chatter I am usually so good at.
    I sometimes thought, even if he would go on a date with me, I would not feel comfortable... with myself. I would be ultra self-conscious, like a child who has stolen a jar of cookies from the kitchen.
    Does this happen to everyone? Or do we amplify someone's beauty in our mind when we are, unknowingly, enamored of him?
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    lol i am sooo past physical looks, i mean its great for intial attraction and for sex but the person has to carry much more substance than that
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    If he wanted you to feel insecure about your own looks compared to his, then he wouldn't be someone you'd want to date anyway, right? If he's the right guy for you then he'd find healthy ways of supporting your own self-esteem without ever making you feel unworthy of his presence. So just believe in your own worth and start a conversation! Eleanor Roosevelt recommended we do one thing every day that makes us uncomfortable, so make him your task for the day and maybe it will be the first day of the rest of your life. icon_smile.gif

    good luck
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    There's a lot of really good looking guys around but looks only go so far. What stumps me is a good looking guy with a generous, friendly smile.. *sigh* that renders me kinda useless, I LOVE nice guys. A smile is the difference between "hot" & "(s)not".
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 07, 2010 9:32 PM GMT
    i can understand being intimidated by someone you think is way too good looking.
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    Nomadwa said if he would go on a date with me, I would not feel comfortable... with myself. I would be ultra self-conscious, like a child who has stolen a jar of cookies from the kitchen.

    If you really are that much in awe of his appearance you'd be better off not dating him. You'd be so ill at ease neither of you would enjoy it. And if a relationship were somehow to develop, it would be disastrous for you because your worshipful attitude would leave you too disempowered.

    It's true beauty is only skin deep but in most cases people are more likely to form good relationships with those who are more or less their peers in terms of attractiveness.
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    not anymore. I used to be when because I had no gaydar and was afraid I'd flirt with a straight guy. Now, I'm not worried about it.
  • tas_515

    Posts: 133

    Jan 07, 2010 9:44 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidWhat stumps me is a good looking guy with a generous, friendly smile.. *sigh* that renders me kinda useless, I LOVE nice guys. A smile is the difference between "hot" & "(s)not".


    This smile is generous?

    183447_382339.jpg
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    Never say never.

    I was intimidated by my partner's good looks when we met. But he seemed to be really into me, so I stuck with it.

    Now 2 years later, he is just as into me as ever and I have gotten over the insecurity.
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    Jan 07, 2010 9:48 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidThere's a lot of really good looking guys around but looks only go so far. What stumps me is a good looking guy with a generous, friendly smile.. *sigh* that renders me kinda useless, I LOVE nice guys. A smile is the difference between "hot" & "(s)not".


    I have to agree... that smile will get me every time!!

    I notice as I have continued to have those darn birthdays, intimidation by his looks has become far less of an issue for me. It sort of comes down to... if we are starcrossed lovers, the universe will throw him my way and things will happen as they are meant to?!
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    I once dated a guy I found so pretty he was intimidating to me. I felt like I was not entitled to touch him, I felt very afraid of being creepy. Though I don't doubt he was genuinely interested in me (he only dates thin guys), the pathos of distance was still there. When we stopped dating, he had 1000 guys waiting him in line and on line. I, on the other hand, had to spend another 3 months just to find another guy. It would be very hard for either of us not to let this get in the way.

    CanadianSun saidlol i am sooo past physical looks, i mean its great for intial attraction and for sex but the person has to carry much more substance than that


    As if finding an attractive dumb fuck buddy wasn't hard already... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:12 PM GMT
    I completely feel you on this. I've known guys that easily surpass me in the looks department and although I start to crush big time, I wont even consider going on a date because I know I'd be so uncomfortable the whole time. I know its stupid, but as Bruce Hornsby says, "that's just the way it is."
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    DAMN, is this why nobody talks to me???? Now I understand...


    icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:29 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidi can understand being intimidated by someone you think is way too good looking.
    *You* T should never be intimidated by anyone... any guy should be flattered by your interest.

    djdorchester2 saidDAMN, is this why nobody talks to me???? Now I understand...
    icon_lol.gif
    icon_eek.gif*standing near the free weights drooling and staring at dj like I just got off the special bus* icon_eek.gif

    tas_515 said
    This smile is generous?
    I was preaching not practicing... icon_neutral.gif besides... I don't smile.
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    I'm kinda happy to read that someone has the exact same question I pondered for a second before I went to bed last night. I was kinda stressed because of recent I've been so preoccupied by the stress in my life that I have been lacking confidence and almost evading anything romantic or sexual. In an example I saw a person at work I hadn't seen in a while, and as I manage in fashion retail and people can freely "stop in" to catch me he mentioned he hadn't seen me in a while and was wondering how I am....this was kinda surprising because I used to daydream and undress him with my eyes whenever I ran into him before but this time I was returning bad conversation and pretty much fled the scene because I was so intimidated by his charm although he was the one beginning the pass.
    After that I thought I was over it and it happened again! TWICE in the same day , once with him and another time with someone else whose presence I enjoy. I'm now realizing however that it's something thats going on in my head, shits not right to say the least and it may be some other stress or problem that is detracting your confidence and ability to flirt like a real man lol.
    It does happen, but you're in control of your world and if it's meant to be don't act like a puss and run, just let it happen ;-)
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    Jan 07, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    darryaz saidNever say never.

    I was intimidated by my partner's good looks when we met. But he seemed to be really into me, so I stuck with it.

    Now 2 years later, he is just as into me as ever and I have gotten over the insecurity.


    that really cute! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    I've experience this from time to time, especially at the gym. There's one guy who always seems to catch my eye, and my inner critic (can't tell I've had therapy can you?) always plays the "out of your league" card.

    Funny enough, one of my friends from yoga knows him, and the the other day we all chatted briefly. The cute guy is ok, but is the kind of guy to drop his boyfriend or partner if something better comes along.

    I know I have a tendency in the past of assuming that when a guy is so good looking, he must have the perfect life and be the perfect boyfriend.

    Quickly learning that's not the case.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    Oh jeez, when an overly hot guy walks up to me i'm like a fainting goat.
  • zakariahzol

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    Jan 07, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    I have that issue when I start dating my ex. He was a trim , goodlooking kid in his early twenties, while I am an overweight guy mature looking in my forties. Surprisingly it was he who pursue and persuading me. It take me awhile to convince myself he really into me. It inferiority complex , it just normal. He into mature men and a chubby chaser. Of course he leave me for another older guy latter on, but that another story.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    double saidOh jeez, when an overly hot guy walks up to me i'm like a fainting goat.


    goats faint? who knew?

    if you do get up the nerve to talk to him, remember to speak in a smaller font...otherwise it may seem like you're yelling at him.

    Now that the funnies are out of the way...I can sympathize. There's a freakishly hot dude at the gym and I KEEP getting introduced to, but I refuse to ever talk to him or anything because he intimidates the hell out of me and I get all worked up whenever I see him.

    I know, right? Me? Intimidated? Can you believe that shit?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    when i met my bf i thought he was SOOOO much hotter than me. was totally intimidated. still, he was definitely into me as well so i just stopped thinking about it eventually. however he later made it known that he thought I was actually "the hot one" in the relationship. goes to show that hotness is completely in the eye of the beholder. best to just judge the heat that the two of you create together.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    tallhairy saidwhen i met my bf i thought he was SOOOO much hotter than me. was totally intimidated. still, he was definitely into me as well so i just stopped thinking about it eventually. however he later made it known that he thought I was actually "the hot one" in the relationship. goes to show that hotness is completely in the eye of the beholder. best to just judge the heat that the two of you create together.


    shut up...you're totally the hot one.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    I've been initially attracted by good looks, and no, he didn't turn out to be a jerk, but we weren't a right fit. And I kept trying to make it work. I'm not too keen on the whole "you need that initial physical attraction" thing, in my experience it just complicates things when you realize it's not a match.
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    tallhairy saidwhen i met my bf i thought he was SOOOO much hotter than me.


    We can just imagine! icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 07, 2010 11:42 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 said
    double saidOh jeez, when an overly hot guy walks up to me i'm like a fainting goat.

    goats faint? who knew?

    They are a special breed... so cute and tragic... I feel guilty when I watch these videos and laugh. Is this what happens to you at the gym double?