HOW GAY IS TOO GAY!!!!!!

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    Jan 07, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    I recently went on a trip with a former best friend. (After this trip I ended our 4 year friendship) I mean we went to las vegas and he was just acting out as some might call it. I twas so bad the swishing of the hips, the strongest lisp, and i drew the line when he wanted to wear High heeled patnt leather pumps with a suit. To a very straight LAX. He almost got dragged out of my truck when he started to hit on this really straight guy, and continued to talk shit. The funny thing is when we are around our friends its usually not that bad. SO HOW GAY IS TOO GAY??????????
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jan 07, 2008 8:51 PM GMT
    I dont think its an issue of being too gay. I think your buddy just went a little too far with his need to advertise himself. Im guessing he's either been single for a long time, or he recently became single. A lot of guys will try to put themselves a little further out there if they're at one of those breaking points where they really want to meet someone. I could be horribly wrong but thats my take on it. If he starts to do it again just put it into perspective for him. Let him know that hes being counterproductive and he'll likely stop.
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    Jan 07, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    When your environment and people can't handle the level of gayness, then it's too gay.
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    Jan 07, 2008 11:04 PM GMT
    He sounds like a lot of fun. Sometimes we don't realise it but the friendships we make in our 20s are some of the most important ones of our lives. Perhaps you should cut him some slack and just allow him to be true to himself.
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    Jan 08, 2008 4:03 AM GMT
    That would be way too much for me to handle but I am not one for public displays anyway. Unnecessary attention. Its why the media portrays us as freaks and flamers; why we are having a hard time being accepted as normal and contributing members of society.
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    Jan 08, 2008 9:02 AM GMT
    exactly scott, i completely agree with you. I cant be his friend anymore because of that and because i already spoke with him about this matter privately in our room. And when we were out thats when he decided to bring it up and start screaming at the top of his lungs. that was unwanted attention on my part, he made me call him a fagic and I hate that word with everything. Great friendships should'nt hurt a person more than actually helping them. I guess im not as gay as I thought, which is quite refreshing. jk
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    Jan 08, 2008 10:54 AM GMT
    If someone wants to act out... let him. I'm not to fond of screeming queens but I let them do their thing and they let me do mine (mostly I just ignore them). I have never felt that I'm not accepted by society though, but maybe that's because I live in a REALY liberal country (or maybe it's my mindset). But I guess not everyone understands what being liberal means. You guys should be assamed for yourselves!!!! Just read what you said and then try and figure out who the biggets are. You complain about the fact that YOU are not accepted. But in most cases I found that you need to accept yourself before others will do so. Society has become so openly accepting of gay people that there are almost more freaking gays on tv than straights... Open your eyes and smell the freaking daisies!!! The world does'nt hate YOU!!!! So stop hating the world and try to "let live"... what is wrong with being a freak anyway... Your "ex-friend" is pobably beter off without you anyway.
    I am reminded of a quotable phrase used exccesively by Hunter S Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: God damn Nazzis!!!!
    Ps. I like you redheadguy
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jan 08, 2008 11:04 AM GMT
    I agree with MrV here, sounds like you're letting your prejudice get in the way of friendship.

    If your friend acts in an embarassingly manner when you're out, then tell him that you won't hang around with him in public places. He should then modify his behaviour out of respect for your feelings. No one wants to hang around with someone who goes out of their way to draw attention to themselves and embarasses everyone, however if you accept someone as a friend then you have to accept the good and the bad. This guy sounds like he doesn't feel the need to hide his sexuality, as you seem to want to.

    Like Red said. I don't think it is something to lose a freindship over though, and maybe alltherage you're not the sort of friend a guy needs if you're willing to abandon your 'best friend' over this sort of thing.

    I'm sorry if I'm coming over a bit harsh here alltherage. But all this 'former best friend' stuff seems very childish to me. A friend is a friend and acting outrageously Gay doesn't seem much of a reason to abandon a true friend.

    Loz
  • cdnclub

    Posts: 79

    Jan 08, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    I would have no problem with the high heels, the lisp or swish, it’s the bad behaviour that I’d be upset about. If you guys have been friends for this long, and all the sudden you friend is acting and dressing differently and being belligerent in public, I’m guessing he must be going through some sort of personal turmoil. Don’t end the friendship over one bad weekend. There may be more going on with him than you know and your friendship may be very important to him right now.
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    Jan 08, 2008 9:38 PM GMT
    well, I disagree that any attitude should be acceptable.

    I had a friend who came to visit me a while ago. I took him to my gym and after workout, we went for a swim and stop by the steam room to warm up. He never act out or whatever since i know him. But of all the time and place he could act out, he choose to do it in that steam room. In front of all the gay or straight and who knows what, he asked me in that echoing room which was packed with regulars I see all the time "You want me to give you a massage here? you look tired." and I almost pass out. He was giggling and eying all the guys looking at us. I left for a swim and later found him sharing one shower stall with a guy! I thought i might lost my membership because of him. Since then he keep asking me to bring him back to the gym. I'd rather lock him in the zoo or jail.
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    Jan 09, 2008 8:10 AM GMT
    I guess I did leave some of the juicy details out, I Invited my mother along on this trip also, thank god She had her own room. and he knows how I am around my mother, but he did'nt give a shit. He let it all go, trying to tell my mother about my sex life. Thats where I drew the line. Another thing was I woke up in the middle of the night to see him on the floor obviously covered in cold sweats, he told me he stop doing drugs. And he probably thought he could do a week-end without them. well his body did'nt think so, and so shut down mode began. I was there helping clean him up after throwing up in the lobby of our hotel, and that was'nt even embarrasing compared to the way he was acting. He was just an inconsiderate friend, that I tried to explain my feelings too. but in the end it only got worse.....
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    Jan 09, 2008 8:57 AM GMT
    Juicy details are sometimes key but I think in this case it points even more directly to the fact that this friend of yours are going through some seriuous shit. When drugs enter the picture the whole spectrum changes. I still stand by my previous remarks though. And maybe even more now than before. If he is trying to let go of drugs he will inevitably go through some hectic changes and chalenges. You as a friend should deal with with these and support him. I have personally been through addiction and when I finaly decided to stop I went though some hectic emotional, psychological and phisical changes. I abandoned allot of friends and allot of friends abandoned me. What I found was that the friends that stayed through the embaracing and trying times are still there. And I know they will alway be there because they are the people you can count on. Not the friends that are friends when times are good but run at the first sight of trougble. For me... If one day someone asks me to die for one of these people, I will not hesitate, for they are worth more than life itself to me. Again, maybe your friend deserves a little better than you. But maybe when you are finished venting about your own issues you might realise that your friend was actualy begging you for help.
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    Jan 09, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    You try to make it seem really nice, its like your prettying up the picture. He is not you, and he will never stop using drugs because he does'nt want to stop. Dont you get it, he has a good life, all of us do. (My friends and I) and there is really no reason for him to be trying to vent anything. He uses drugs because its fun to him, hes a %$#king bitch and I dont think you understand that. Hes unlike anyone I've known in the sense that he really does'nt care about the self destruction, more so the drama that ensues. All im saying is it was like a cleansing process when I got rid of him, I feel completely lighter. Like no burden..
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jan 12, 2008 9:05 PM GMT
    If you feel better having ended the friendship, then I say you did the right thing. You have to look out for yourself here. Even if that is just how he, part of his personality... if you don't feel comfortable around it you shouldn't deal with it, no matter what the reason. As long as you're not going out of your way to make someone feel bad.

    Ive had to end a lot of friendships because I didn't feel comfortable with a persons behaior. I think I've come out on top because of it. Im never mean about it, I just think that if Im not enjoying myself because of how someone else is acting... I shouldnt be there.

    Ive always had a habbit of letting people walk all over me, Ive been taken advantage of a lot. I know that doesnt have anything to do with your situation, but its what made me realize that there are times when you should just follow your instinct.
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    Jan 12, 2008 11:34 PM GMT
    To thine own self be true and thou canst not be false to any man.
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    Jan 13, 2008 1:20 AM GMT
    "alltherage",

    You say that this was a friend of 4 years. Why would you be so quick to dump that time and person over a "blip" in their character history? While the actions you mentioned would make me rather uncomfortable in public with this person, I would be looking back over how they have acted long-term and then be more inclined to ask what is going on in their life to prompt such abborrant behavior? These types of "wild" deviations of behavior could be a sign of some deeper issue for your "former friend". If they are depressed or suicidal or anti-social, this could be a way for them to give you justification to break social ties with them...which may be what they may think they want, but couldn't come to terms to do themself.
    I would reconsider breaking off the friendship right now. Never make harsh and rash moves or statements in the heat of anger, embarassment or frustration. These types of decisions are best made by cool, reasoned and logical heads. Talk to your "former friend" and find out if there is more to the story than him just being an ass on vacation in Vegas. What better place to try a new "personna" than in a flamboyant "vacation town" full of people you don't know and never expect to see again? Everyone makes mistakes and in your teens and twenties...."the ink on the map is still wet"!
    Good Luck.
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    Jan 13, 2008 2:54 AM GMT
    I wouldn't care so much. As long as he's not going naked.

    The only thing he should be carefull with is hitting on heterosexuals.