Never thought about being a dad before

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 08, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    lived life to the full, always knew I was gay so never really thought about kids until a few years ago (turned 35). I am now wanting to be a dad ! never thought id say that. I have been with my husband for 7 years, and all of a sudden the kids topic came up, is there anyone else that can share their experiences about this! and shed some light.
    Cheers Kai
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 08, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    We have both known that we want children, and so no this didnt happen to me. Two kids. We are aiming for 2015 for the first.
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    Jan 08, 2010 10:55 PM GMT
    I don't think my life will be complete without at least one kid.

    Everyone tells me I would make a great dad, I hope so.


    Taking auditions for the role of "mother". C'mon boys!

    I'm thinking... 28-30 for my first.
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    Jan 08, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    I would do it if I were with the right guy. Definitely would want to adopt...there are so many abandoned kids in need of a loving home, it just seems like the best thing to do (for me).
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    Jan 08, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    It scares me, it scares me alot if im true to myself, I always wanted kids but thought that part of my life wasnt able to be explored!
    How do you plan to have kids, I just need advice, what avenues do we need to explore! are there websites, clinics ? help me out icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 08, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    I used to contemplate it. Watching that "Nanny" show on tv quickly dispelled me of any desire I might have harbored. It is a profoundly difficult undertaking if it is to be done well. Immensely gratifying too, I'll bet. More power to you. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 08, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    I am thinking about being single father but I might be adopted kids soon
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    Jan 08, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    Hay new to this site but this topic caught our eye, we have been together for 2 years and are looking into co parenting as I would really like my own child. We have used a few different sites to try and find the right couple including co-parent match and co-parent net as we are looking for sharing the parenting role with a lesbian couple that share the same parenting views. The best site we have found is called pride angel which is gay owned. We know its a big decision to co-parent with loads of things to consider so taking our time. Has anyone else had experience of co-pareneting?
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    Jan 08, 2010 11:42 PM GMT
    Having been a surrogate mother myself, I can tell you there is no greater joy on earth, including a cock up your ass, than pushing a bowling ball-sized baby through your woowoo.
  • SeaMichael

    Posts: 138

    Jan 08, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    Speaking as a gay parent -

    I have a seven year old daughter that me and my now ex-wife had together (needless to say, the straight thing didn't work out too well). She is absolutely wonderful, and it has been a joy to raise her.

    I always say that girls are better than boys, but I would also say that you would definitely want some sort of bio-female around and very close to the child (such as a friend, aunt, etc) for when the female stuff begins. But mine is pretty well behaved, very smart, and generally fun to be around.

    If you both want kids, go for it! It's a lot of work, sure, but definitely worth it!
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    Jan 09, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    Can't wait to be a dad. I know I will be great at it. However, I would prefer to be partnered first. I may need to reconsider that given my lack bad luck in the relationship department...
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    Jan 09, 2010 12:54 AM GMT
    I've always known I want kids...lots of them. I want at least 6. I love children and I think there is no greater purpose in life that creating your own legacy through your children. I also would like to partnered before hand, but I'm not sure how that will go. My best friend just found out she has the BRCA-1 gene, so she has to have to total hysterectomy and double mastectomy before she is 30. I told her if she wanted to have a kid, I would father it for her.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Jan 09, 2010 1:19 AM GMT
    Being the dad of the 14 year old daughter. Plus I helped raise my stepson for 10 years of his life... Not to mention that my ex-wife and I were foster parents, I have a lot of advise to give.

    First, you need to realize why you want kids. Children are not puppies. They take constant care and attention. Especially when they are young.

    Do you want kids to make yourself happy or feel complete? Or is this just the next step that you want to take in life?

    Be prepared for the following issues:
    Green boogers.
    Dirty diapers that the poo goes up the front and back.
    Taking 20 minutes just to get out the front door when you are going somewhere.
    Not feeling rejected when you say "I love you" to them and they don't say it back right then.
    Knowing how to not let your child act like an idiot when you tell them "No" to candy at the store.
    Not being the center of attention
    Having someone come first and it's not you
    Being willing to give up the party/bar life
    Missing work, cuz daycares don't take sick kids
    Crying at every movie that has something to do with kids (especially the girl ones, if you have a girl)
    Waking up some days wondering why you did it
    Worrying if someone is going to abduct your kid
    Chubby little cute feet
    Buying them something and they don't like it
    Wondering if they love you cuz they went to your partner before the came to you.
    Early mornings when the wake up before you and they run in to your bedroom jumping on your bed to wake you up.
    Feeling like other parents are judging your parenting skills
    Wanting your kid to be a Dr. when they decided to be a hairsylist
    Raising a kid who doesn't happen to be one of the "popular" kids, you have to comfort them cuz the other kids make fun of them.
    Wanting your daughter to dress like a princess when she want to dress like a boy
    Wanting your son to dress like a boy when he wants to dress like a princess

    All of the issues that I raise are just the tip of the iceberg. Would I have a kid again, knowing all these thing???

    HELL YES!!!

    Just be ready to be a parent... it sounds romantic and cool... but it is a hard job. For some reason, most of us make it through unscaved.

    Hope this helps... being a parent is hard, but hard in a good way.

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    Jan 09, 2010 1:34 AM GMT

    i never wanted kids, i don't have any and i'll never have any either.






  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Jan 09, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    Kai, good luck to you both on getting kids..it is a good experience and hope it was thought out well for you both before you go ahead and either try for one of your own or adopt....
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    Jan 09, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    I'd like kids, but, I honestly don't think the chance will ever arrive.

    if it does, I'd prefer to adopt, I'm not making anyone suffer my incredibly redundant DNA plus, I think I could give a good home to someone who actually needs it.
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    Jan 09, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    I think having kids would be a wonderful thing. I don’t know if it is in my future, but it is mostly defiantly an option worth exploring.
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    Jan 09, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    I am father of 3 boys, ages 24, 17 and 14......toughest job in the world and I'd do it again without thinking about it.....did it the "old fashioned way"....she is living elsewhere now, Thank GOD! icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 09, 2010 5:09 AM GMT
    Definite yes! As much as I would LOVE to have a little me, I decided long ago (around ~8yo) that I'm going to adopt because there's way too many kids out there without a good home.

    My original goal was to adopt at 25, but I'm almost there and nowhere near financially ready to take on a child, so it's looking like I'm going to have to wait until I'm ~30 icon_sad.gif

    I'll probably be a single dad, easy to picture myself as such, while hard to picture myself in a relationship icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 09, 2010 6:14 AM GMT
    I'd love to have kids. But, as I get older, I get the feeling it's less probable.
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    Jan 09, 2010 6:40 AM GMT
    Hey,

    Would also really like to have kids. Even if i only have one child it wouldn't matter. Obviously it would be very ideal to have my very own child but that kind of depends on what the future will hold. Recently recovered from lymphoma cancer and there is the possibility that i might be sterol. Anyway, if i cant have my own children i would definitely adopt a child. There is however one condition, i also think it is better to have child after already having a partner. Think it is better for the child's sake to grow up where both parents are there from the beginning, I wouldn't like the awkwardness of the child having to get used to a new dad in his/her life. Anyway, this is still all way in the future. Me and my partner have only been together for one year now. Thanks for the advice guys. Great post for future use. icon_biggrin.gif
  • xysx

    Posts: 306

    Jan 09, 2010 7:06 AM GMT
    Well said, GSH1964.
    I concurr.
    -wouldn't trade it for the world.
    (Though you forgot to mention the driver's ed. learning permit process; my son, not wanting to learn to drive a stick shift in the 4 door jeep, gets to witness my deep breathing as we 'practice' in the red BMW Z3 convertable. :shockicon_smile.gif *cringes while experiencing yet another ass-puckering near miss*
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    Jan 09, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    jimbobthedevil saidI would do it if I were with the right guy. Definitely would want to adopt...there are so many abandoned kids in need of a loving home, it just seems like the best thing to do (for me).


    I'd do this with you!!!!
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    Jan 09, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    NakedDevil saidI'd love to have kids. But, as I get older, I get the feeling it's less probable.


    Sadly, I agree with you!
  • bobrusso

    Posts: 18

    Jan 09, 2010 8:26 AM GMT
    My partner and I have 5 kids. Girls are 17, 12, 5, boys 9, 8. We are both caucasion as our oldest two are. The youngest 3 are african-american. We had several discussions with our families about a multi-racial family, so they were prepared to accept all of our children, whatever their background was, for them to be a part of OUR family. One of my partners sisters has had a few issues with our kids being multi-racial, and she hasn't see us in about 4 years now. Her loss. Our kids come first in everything. I gained 35 pounds over the last 2 years by working over-nights, so I could be home in the evenings and weekends to be soccer coach for 4 teams and football on one.
    Our relationship has suffered at times, since we don't get as much quality time alone as we used to. But we work thru things. You both need to be great communicators in your relationship to bring in a child. Talk about discipline techniques, who stays home/works odd shifts with the sick kid, etc. There are several adoption agencies in the US that we have used. I don't know much about foreign agencies. Start with google and good luck.