I just came out to my mom..

  • kittar

    Posts: 314

    Jan 09, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    yup. It's official. I came out to her as we were coming back from a day trip to a nearby city. It went well, I guess. She's completely okay with it. But it was awkward as hell. And I don't feel as good or relieved about it as I thought I would.

    Anyways, Phase I is complete I guess... Hopefully next is my dad and my brother... And then important friends.
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    Jan 09, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    You problably won't feel great at first, but in the long run you'll be better for it, promise.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 09, 2010 7:55 AM GMT

    um ... this is huge news! I am so proud of you, bub!

    I've still gotta do it ... but my brother and I made a pact that we would wait until he is out of the house and doesn't have to hear my mother talk about it non-stop. (not being arrogant) ... golden child bull-crap gets to any normal human being ... my brother is no exception.

    way to go, kit!

    CONGRATULATIONS
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    Jan 09, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    Congratulations mate! Like Muninn said, I didn't find it a huge relief or life changing but it has made me feel better over time. Hopefully your dad and brother will be cool. Feel free to chat if you need to!
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 09, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    Do you have any idea why it wasn't as good or relieving as you expected? It might be that you built it up to be bigger than it was or it might be that you were hoping for some other response.
    you've taken a brave step forward... keep up the clear communication.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 09, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    Congrats on making the effort. I hope it goes as well with your father and brother and friends. I can imagine it was awkward, but some years down the line.. hopefully you can look back on it with satisfaction.
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    Congratulations buddy! It's always awkard at first... just expect a few silly questions to follow up. Be cool. You both have to get used to the new status quo.
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    CONGRATULATIONS
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    I did it opposite. My dad asked me over the summer, I said yes. We talked about it. Then I told my mom and sister when they came home. My friends already knew. Then told my aunts who told their hubby's and their kids.

    Then...I told my brother and his wife. Everything ended up fine. But because we have so much gay blood in the family I think it was definitely easier for me then it was for them.

    I took my coming out process slow and did it at what I thought were the right times, and I feel that helped me a lot. I felt relieved once my whole family knew. So I think that's when you'll feel that stupid ol' boulder off your back.

    Wish ya luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    Kittar saidyup. It's official. I came out to her as we were coming back from a day trip to a nearby city. It went well, I guess. She's completely okay with it. But it was awkward as hell. And I don't feel as good or relieved about it as I thought I would.

    Anyways, Phase I is complete I guess... Hopefully next is my dad and my brother... And then important friends.


    CONGRATS!!! And don't worry, it'll take time and then no one will even care because it will be YOU!
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    It's a shame that 'coming out' has to be so traumatic. Maybe the next generation will have it better. I doubt I will be around to see it.
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    Congratulations! You will feel so much better being true to yourself and not feeling like you have to pretend with anyone anymore. Go forth and be happy!
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    Kittar saidyup. It's official. I came out to her as we were coming back from a day trip to a nearby city. It went well, I guess. She's completely okay with it. But it was awkward as hell. And I don't feel as good or relieved about it as I thought I would.

    Anyways, Phase I is complete I guess... Hopefully next is my dad and my brother... And then important friends.


    Congrats!
    It will feel weird at first, but you will never have to hide who you are again. At least your mother is okay with it. Be happy!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 09, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    What a major step in your life. CONGRATS! It might have just seemed anti-climactic because we build that moment up so much in our minds imagining how it might go, and when we learn that it may have actually been a bigger deal to us than it is to others, it can be surprising.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 09, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    Kittar saidyup. It's official. I came out to her as we were coming back from a day trip to a nearby city. It went well, I guess. She's completely okay with it. But it was awkward as hell. And I don't feel as good or relieved about it as I thought I would.

    Anyways, Phase I is complete I guess... Hopefully next is my dad and my brother... And then important friends.


    Congrats!

    I know what you mean about not feeling good/relieved. My mom was kind of odd when I told her too. She had absolutely no idea, which might have made it worse. She said all the right things, "I want you to be happy", "I'm fine with it", "Be careful, some people will have a problem with it", etc. But it was like she was in robot-Mom mode reading it out of a handbook. It turns out, she apparently cried for a week and considered going to a support group.

    The relief will come though. I can't tell you how nice it is not to have to make up some bullshit about a "girl I'm seeing", I can actually comment on a handsome guy on a TV show, I can get infuriated over gay rights issues without her wondering why I give a crap. In honesty comes relief.
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    Very courageous. Congratulations
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    Jan 09, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    This is wonderful. Congratulations!!!
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    Jan 09, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    Great news, Congratulations!

    Just a heads up when I came out to my mom three years ago she reacted well. Then I told her I'd come back by the house and tell Dad later but I kinda hesitated (didn't get back till 11) and she got worried and didn't like keeping secrets from Dad so she told him before I got back. So If your mom spills the beans don't be mad she is most likely worried and trying to help.
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    Jan 09, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    Hip, hip hooray!!!!!
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    Jan 09, 2010 4:52 PM GMT
    I'm glad for you, over time its value will become more and more important. In my case both my children know and accept it and it has had a good affect for us. My parents however are elderly and in poor health, they are homophobic as hell so I'll leave them out of the loop and not add to their troubles as elderly people. But I wish it were different, so I'm happy that you can do this early in life, I wish you the best.
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    Jan 09, 2010 4:55 PM GMT
    Good job, buddy! I still remember when you first came on RJ icon_smile.gif

    Give it some time, you'll feel better. It's been more than 2 years since I told my parents, and I think I'm just within the last 6 months starting to feel better about the whole thing, instead of awkward and guilty. So yeah, it'll get better.
  • kittar

    Posts: 314

    Jan 09, 2010 5:04 PM GMT
    zoom10963 saidGood job, buddy! I still remember when you first came on RJ icon_smile.gif



    Do you really? That was a loooooong time ago :p


    THanks to everyone's support. My mom woke me up this morning with a biiiig hug
    . icon_biggrin.gif
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 09, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    MASSIVE STEP WELL DONE!! congrats!!
    hopefully everything will run smoothly, i came out to my mum on Nov.15th and it was the best day of my life, such a big relief, you will start feeling much better once you tell your loved ones and your important friends...
    take it one day at a time, and remember you're the one that needs to feel happy, you;re a good person and have done nothing wrong!!
    Well done!
  • pav1

    Posts: 68

    Jan 09, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    Congrats Cat.
    The coming out experience is unique to each of us, however in time we all seem to end up at the same place. For many that place is acceptance from friends and family but more importantly acceptance within our selves, and the freedom to live our lives without shame or bigotry. That kind of life is hard to achieve as it is, without having to hide who you are.
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    Jan 09, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    Caslon12000 saidIt's a shame that 'coming out' has to be so traumatic. Maybe the next generation will have it better. I doubt I will be around to see it.


    Congrats first off!

    I agree with you Cas that it is a real shame that coming out is even still in existence - it's like admitting you are left-handed (which I am too! haha)

    I have always held the belief that it is those who came before us that have helped us to be better accepted into the wider community.
    When I came out, it was hard - not so rare that it wasn't expected, but still with a shame stigma attached.
    My parents cried and wailed because I wouldn't produce grand-children. That mentality seems antiquated now!

    In my years, I have helped many young gay men accept and embrace their sexuality, through my work and through my friendships. In that time, I have also noticed a general trend toward acceptance from most parts of the community. In my opinion, this is because of the work that I, and those before me, have done toward making homosexuality more visible and realistic.

    I truly believe that in one or two generations time, being gay will not even make straight people bat an eyelid. The 70's gay pride movement will be remembered fondly, but with the same kind of guilty pleasure that their fashion is now.

    Just my thoughts...