Coming out to family

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2010 9:30 AM GMT
    I know this topic comes around every once in a while and every situation is different but I wanted to get some opinions on my situation. I thought I was so ready to finally come out to my family, I had been thinking about it for a while now and had come out to some friends a few weeks before visiting the fam as well. For some reason, I just couldn't find the time or way to do it during my visit which is weird since I know my parents and siblings will be cool about it and very supportive but I just couldn't muster up the courage and now it'll be almost 4 months until I see them face to face again. Ideally, I'd prefer to do it face to face but I think written or over the phone it would be easier and I want to have the talk with them soon. Anyone have any good/bad experiences of coming out to their fam over the phone? Should I wait until I see them again? Any comments are appreciated!
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    Jan 11, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    Nice to know you feel they will be supportive, chances are they already know? something so personal as this is always better done in person.
    When I came out, sat my parents down at the table, told them I had something important to tell them and just said "I'm gay"..Dad looks over at Mom and goes "I told you" and that was it, no big deal...
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    Jan 11, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    Unless you're the world's greatest actor, or your folks are dumber than bricks, they already know. Unless you're fucking them, they don't need to have it put it in their face. If you want to tell them, fine, then, get on to the next item.
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    Jan 12, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    I did it over the phone for much the same reason you mention. In fact, I did it while living abroad from about 4000 miles away. I told my brother by a letter I wrote and emailed.

    Like you, I knew my family would be ok with it. But it was still a scary thing to say in person. And I wanted to "get it over with". They had just been visiting me in England, and I tried to tell them several times, but never could quite do it. And, in retrospect, I'm really glad I didn't tell them during their vacation as that would have been a bad place and time. It would have turned their only trip to England into all about "their son be gay".

    Is it chicken to not do it in person? One person told me it was. I don't think so. I don't regret the decision for me. It turned out fine.

    The negative - one thing my parents said on the phone was, "We wish we could give you a big hug right now". It would have been nice to have that hug right then and there.

    The positive - it gave them time to research and react so by the next time we saw each other in person, it wasn't a big deal. They didn't have to "act" different around me for a few days while they processed the info.

    Good luck - I guarantee after it's done you'll be so relieved. I can't tell you what to do in your position. I just know once I got to the point of trying to tell them in person, not having a chance, then I knew I couldn't wait another 3-6 months until the next time I saw them in person. It wasn't really a choice for me to wait.