Codependent or psyco guys tend to flock to me...need advice.

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    Jan 12, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    I am a very independent 33 year old computer geek from Lexington, KY. I am very out going and social and have many many friends whom I see and hang out with often. Last few guys I have went out with...Not married...Not said hey lets be Boy Friends or anything like that will not leave me alone. They text 24/7 asking how I am what I am doing. If i have to work late they get mad and start pouting. I go out of town for a wedding and they act like i killed their cat or something. If I can't get phone reception it ruins their days....What should i do to get rid of this problem?
    I actually still have a guy that won't leave me alone and he is a great guy. I like hanging around him but don't want tied down to. I have told him before many times, but he don't get it. what should I do? Am I a mean person for wanting my own personal time? Help a guy out.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 12, 2010 9:02 PM GMT
    Might not be that they flock to you
    take a look at the men you seem to gravitate to

    It just might be the kind of man and this might be something you'll wanna change .... it might just be that you're comfortable with this kind of guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2010 9:21 PM GMT
    "It's the so-called "normal" guys that always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed."

    Selina Kyle, Batman Returns......
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    Jan 12, 2010 9:50 PM GMT
    You might have answered your own question. Recheck the definition of the word, "codependent".
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    Jan 12, 2010 9:52 PM GMT
    cclexington saidI am a very independent 33 year old computer geek from Lexington, KY. I am very out going and social and have many many friends whom I see and hang out with often. Last few guys I have went out with...Not married...Not said hey lets be Boy Friends or anything like that will not leave me alone. They text 24/7 asking how I am what I am doing. If i have to work late they get mad and start pouting. I go out of town for a wedding and they act like i killed their cat or something. If I can't get phone reception it ruins their days....What should i do to get rid of this problem?
    I actually still have a guy that won't leave me alone and he is a great guy. I like hanging around him but don't want tied down to. I have told him before many times, but he don't get it. what should I do? Am I a mean person for wanting my own personal time? Help a guy out.


    Treat them like vampires; hang garlic all over your pad (or eating them is good too!), and start knocking them out with wooden sticks and holy water, haha! icon_twisted.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 12, 2010 9:56 PM GMT
    cclexington saidI am a very independent 33 year old computer geek from Lexington, KY. I am very out going and social and have many many friends whom I see and hang out with often. Last few guys I have went out with...Not married...Not said hey lets be Boy Friends or anything like that will not leave me alone. They text 24/7 asking how I am what I am doing. If i have to work late they get mad and start pouting. I go out of town for a wedding and they act like i killed their cat or something. If I can't get phone reception it ruins their days....What should i do to get rid of this problem?
    I actually still have a guy that won't leave me alone and he is a great guy. I like hanging around him but don't want tied down to. I have told him before many times, but he don't get it. what should I do? Am I a mean person for wanting my own personal time? Help a guy out.



    Maybe you should try not wearing so many Pheramones icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 12, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    be brutally honest, if the behavior escalates you will end up with a big hot mess on your hands... I used to attract that type of guy. After dealing with a criminal stalker for 2 years, I don't tolerate that behavior anymore. You can never tell how far crazy men are willing to take their crazy behavior, it might seem cruel but you deserve to have your space and time respected. Don't be emotionally blackmailed by the leaches of life.
  • BarettaB80

    Posts: 141

    Jan 12, 2010 10:11 PM GMT
    cclexington saidI actually still have a guy that won't leave me alone and he is a great guy. I like hanging around him but don't want tied down to. I have told him before many times, but he don't get it. what should I do? Am I a mean person for wanting my own personal time? Help a guy out.


    As long as you CLEARLY tell him your feelings and explain to him that you're not interested, of course you're not a mean person. If this guy can't understand that and continues to hang around, he is irrational and emotionally unstable. Don't allow that around you. The problem comes when the statement of intent isn't clear and/or there continue to be mixed signals. You can't have your cake and eat it too. No one can ever be mad about the honest expression of emotion......as long as you have tact. Good luck!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 12, 2010 10:17 PM GMT
    I absolutely understand your position. I have "texters" who send me texts with questions, thoughts at odd times and hours. I've had to make it clear that there are times when it isn't as welcome as its valuable time spent with my bf. Most understand and are respectful. I think its just being very specific as to whats up.
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    Jan 12, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    The insecure guys are attracted to the fact that you're more secure with yourself. A lot of times people are attracted to qualities in others which they don't believe they possess themselves. If you find someone like that and don't want anything more than friendship you need to be upfront about it. Sometimes guys want to believe that you're into them and they mistake your being nice to them as a sign that you're interested. Tell them you don't want a relationship with them. If they don't respect that, then explain that you asked them politely to tone it down and you will need to part ways. If they stalk you then get a restraining order/injunction lol.
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    Jan 12, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    Maybe these guys are a reaction to something in your character. I change my character according to the person I'm dealing with. Maybe these guys are showing their most sticky side because you make them think, maybe by unconscious cues, that this is how they are supposed to treat you. You know... maybe icon_cool.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jan 12, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Um.....let me essplain.....a group of birds is called a "flock", and a group of psycho guys is called "FOX News".
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    Jan 12, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    Perhaps they recognize something in you that they see in themselves.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 12, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    i think you are just playing hard to get or just a tease lol
    icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gificon_wink.gif
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    Jan 12, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    These guys aren't co-dependent or psycho. They're just clingy. These are the types of guys that always need to be with a boyfriend, and can't stand being single/alone.

    Maybe I'm mistaken here, but they sound pretty young too. Perhaps you should look for guys your age or older. Someone with a better sense of independence.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 12, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    Sorry. I won't text you so much.

    icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 12, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    but your doing a great service for the gay community, you are keeping all the bunny boilers occupied while the rest of us try to find a good one!

    For that I thank you icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    Sheesh…you text a guy a few hundred times and all of a sudden you come off as needy



    xrichx saidThese guys aren't co-dependent or psycho. They're just clingy. These are the types of guys that always need to be with a boyfriend, and can't stand being single/alone.

    Maybe I'm mistaken here, but they sound pretty young too. Perhaps you should look for guys your age or older. Someone with a better sense of independence.



    I was thinking they must be young, as well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2010 2:07 AM GMT
    cclexington saidI am a very independent 33 year old computer geek from Lexington, KY. I am very out going and social and have many many friends whom I see and hang out with often. Last few guys I have went out with...Not married...Not said hey lets be Boy Friends or anything like that will not leave me alone. They text 24/7 asking how I am what I am doing. If i have to work late they get mad and start pouting. I go out of town for a wedding and they act like i killed their cat or something. If I can't get phone reception it ruins their days....What should i do to get rid of this problem?
    I actually still have a guy that won't leave me alone and he is a great guy. I like hanging around him but don't want tied down to. I have told him before many times, but he don't get it. what should I do? Am I a mean person for wanting my own personal time? Help a guy out.


    You should worry once these guys stop behaving like this towards you..
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    Jan 13, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    These guys are all older than me...the latest is 39 and the one before was 37. Technically I have 2 of them. BAH. Thanks for your insight guys. Just dealing with it is harder than talking about it.