friends and how they wont grow up!!

  • SamSam

    Posts: 32

    Jan 13, 2010 9:15 AM GMT
    Ok this might be a bit of a bitch session but I want to get it off my chest and I have never posted any thing before so please put up with my ramblings. Ok so I have just found out that none of my friends are actually my friends. I have just finished school and I have been travailing to the UK. I have been hanging out with adults for close to 3 months I come back to Australia and find that all my mates are still kids, they bitch about each other and they are so egocentric its not funny. So during school me and my friends were the nerds we hated all the sporty people and the popular people and almost everyone except the teachers. We were big nerds and we kept to ourselves and looked down on everyone else coz they haven’t grown up (I was like this till near the end of year 12). I had been getting tired of being around them before I finished school and I wanted to join the others in the school and still be friends so I started to socialize with our biggest enemy the vocal group lol. Any way I finished school and went overseas and came back and now none of my so called friends are nice to me. They make fun of me and they don’t respect me and they use me just fro my house (coz I live by my self) and now I know what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence, to be a normal person. So I am thinking of cutting them out of my life (including my “best friend”) but I’m not the best at making new friends.

    What do you think I should do ?? Please tell me if this has happened to you and tell me your story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2010 9:37 AM GMT
    Sounds like you have some pretty toxic friendships. I am
    actually having to do the same thing right now with some friends I have. For me, I think that we had been friends for so long that we took it for granted. I didn't like how I was being treated in the relationship or the feeling I was left with after an encounter with him. I decided to talk to him face to face, explain myself, and put our friendship on hold for now, indefinitely. It's hard not knowing where you stand with someone that is suppossed to be your friend. Sometimes you just end up growing in different directions. I felt like I needed to say something just to prevent the backstabbing. I still love my friend, I just left it as I didn't think we could be there for each other like friends should be.

    Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You will never make the wrong decision that way. Ending relationships don't feel good, but neither does being hurt by someone that is suppossed to care for you. Maybe after some space, you can redefine your relationship when they "grow up" or respect your boundaries. Or, you might not.

    Best wishes
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    Jan 13, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    Over the course of your life you will outgrow people. I remember reading an article a few years back that used the analogy of meeting someone on a plane... just because you're both taking off from the same city doesn't mean you're both heading for the same final destination - and you have to be prepared when it's time for you to switch flights - because you can't follow their itinerary and your own.

    Safe travels!

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jan 13, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    This response goes along with all the other responses you have received so far. Because of your age, and that it is a transitional time for both you and your friends, you might not have made too many life-long friendships. I'm lucky in that I have one friend from high school and subsequently college that I still get to see every once in awhile, and we are still great friends.

    I had another friend from college that I thought I would be friends with for life. Over the last few years of an 18 yr friendship with her, I noticed the last few years were completely toxic. She was becoming very mean and angry at life, although comparatively she had a great life and was very well off. I had to get away from her, although I still wish her the best and love her.

    Most of my "lifelong" friends I have met in my thirties, and now my forties. We all seem to be mature enough to deal with "friendship" issues and we all value what it means to be friends.
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    Jan 13, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    bknyguy saidOver the course of your life you will outgrow people. I remember reading an article a few years back that used the analogy of meeting someone on a plane... just because you're both taking off from the same city doesn't mean you're both heading for the same final destination - and you have to be prepared when it's time for you to switch flights - because you can't follow their itinerary and your own.

    Safe travels!



    Wow. Very well stated. Great philosophy on life.
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    Jan 13, 2010 5:06 PM GMT
    bknyguy saidOver the course of your life you will outgrow people. I remember reading an article a few years back that used the analogy of meeting someone on a plane... just because you're both taking off from the same city doesn't mean you're both heading for the same final destination - and you have to be prepared when it's time for you to switch flights - because you can't follow their itinerary and your own.
    Safe travels!

    I LOVE the above analogy!
    To the OP, It's normal to outgrow relationships. Just because your old friends haven't moved on doesn't mean they never will. There is a big possibility that you might one day be able to return to those relationships and enjoy them again, but in a new way, when that happens it really is lovely.
    One of the beautiful things about friends is being able to witness each other grow and become better people.
    Step back without judgment or animosity and allow them to become better people in their own time in their own way, not yours.
    Don't write them off, there is nothing like old friends. Their path isn't yours and you might learn something by watching them on theirs... even if they haven't quite made the step past the old school clique.
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    Jan 13, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    People tend to be threatened by changes in the status quo, and your friends are no different. Think of all the stories you've heard of people not being supportive of a friend's weight loss, for example. In that (and perhaps any) example it's important to cultivate new friends who will support you. However, it's equally important that you not recklessly abandon your existing friends. They were there for you then, most will evolve eventually, and some could continue to be your friends for life which will be important because when you get older it's harder to make friends since you and they will have less time or inclination to do so.
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    Jan 13, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    there's no reason to cut them out of your life. life is short, you met those people for a reason!!!

    however, there is nothing wrong with making NEW friends, and creating a new life for yourself, while still keeping friends from your past.

    i have similar thoughts about some of my close friends as well. in my opinion, or really the opinion of most people who work for a living, most of my friends are deadbeats. they are 'satisfied' with how they have been living since they graduated high school, with no motivation or urge to be productive and move forward in life.

    instead of cutting these people out of my life, because i do still love them, I am concentrating on my own life, going back to college, and meeting new people that share other interests with me (ie, not just smoking weed). think about how complex of a person you are, your goal should be to make all different types of friends that share all different interests, that way you can create balance and diversity for yourself.

    don't throw away friendships, some of the best moments in life are with your friends.
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    Jan 13, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    I've gone through a similar story like yours, and yeah it does suck. Just when you've thought you've built years of solid friendships with somebody, all of a sudden they abandon you with no explanation. Then you hear later they've been stabbing you in the back the whole time.
    You just have to go on and build a good relationship with yourself first. And it's okay to make new friends. It's good to do it slowly, cautiously, take the time to know them and vice versa.
  • SamSam

    Posts: 32

    Jan 15, 2010 9:21 AM GMT
    Well thanks guys you have helped me to clear my head a bit more. I will stay with my friends but I think that I am going to start to make some new ones that are more attuned to me. thanks again its good to have some more experienced points of views to help me see straight.

    love you all xXvampXx
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jan 16, 2010 3:49 AM GMT
    Cutt your ties, the sooner the better my dear..icon_exclaim.gif
    I'v left my old crew in the dust and my life has been so much better without their negitivity, saw 2 of them at the club last week after not seeing them for about 3years and boy did they look druged out and old.... One of them came over in a meth haze and started talking about absolutly nothing, i walked away.....
    I'm happier now than ever with my new found buddies.....Dont worry it's gonna be fine...icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 16, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    Hmmm. I was always under the impression that I'll probably just met one person that will be a true friend in my life no matter what.

    Luckily I ended up with three.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2010 6:38 AM GMT
    Want to know about my story with shitty friends?

    Oh, well, um.


    In the past almost four years I haven't surrounded myself with people who were insincere about our friendship. Perhaps that's because I'm not really that social so I don't know if that's a good thing. Maybe I need to get some crummy people in my life so they screw me over or something. It might build some character in me. LOL


    When I did it was just people who were my "friends" because we were both stuck in a place where we had to be- high school. Then again I always just assumed that all the people in high school were fickle and I didn't really put much trust in anyone at all, which screwed me and blessed me in the end.


    I found out that after high school I came out with 3 true friends and we're still just as close as ever. I wish I put my faith into them earlier. Sorta sucks I missed out on their friendship sooner by playing the safe game. haha
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    Jan 16, 2010 8:15 AM GMT
    It is not age specific. Same thing has happened to me in a slightly different way. My friends did not learn how to grow old. So they are sick, fat, dead etc.