I like to hear it has been over 3 years. That means you are over it. Do not I repeat do not try and compare anybody you go out with now to what you used to have. It will only end in heart ache. You have to be in the mind set that you are starting over with no notions of what should or should not happen at given times thru out.
Going out is not a easy thing to do, because like you I do not do the bar thing. So I work out and wonder who is and is not. It seem almost impossable that any man will approach you out side a gay bar and hit on you. For the fear of being killed. So how do you do it. Well the internet is a great place to start. But I will warn you, most guys on these sites use photo's of other people and when you meet it is not what you got on line. But that is the whole thing. If you truely like someone and they are worth meeting in person why should it matter what they look like.
Another way is the gym, It is gay church, also good for a hook up or two. But if you are looking for something more. That is hard to find now a days it seems. Most guys just want to know how big where can you meet and are you a top or bottom. That can be a real drag if you are looking for something more. Best bet you have friends and they all have friends. Blind dates are sometimes the best way to meet new gay friends that have other gay friends that one of them might be your MR Right.
I want to wish you luck and know there are a lot of us in your boat...13 years been single for 4 and just started looking again...Yes I have talked to a few that sound like they might be worth the time...