Important Note to All Employees!!!

  • kietkat

    Posts: 342

    Jan 14, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    Dress Code
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore, do not need a pay increase. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay increase. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay increase.

    Sick Days
    We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Annual Leave Days
    Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

    Toilet Use
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby peopleget 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


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    Jan 14, 2010 5:54 AM GMT
    kietkat said
    Sick Days
    We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.





    I've actually had a supervisor recommend us come to work sick and if we are really really sick, they will send us home or to the Doctors office.
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    Jan 14, 2010 6:05 AM GMT
    I love this. Posted as a FB note and tagged with all of my coworkers. I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it.
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    Jan 14, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    icon_eek.gif

    OMG

    icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 14, 2010 8:56 AM GMT
    kietkat said

    Lunch Break
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.



    I guess I only get a 15 minute lunch; geez...looks like I'm screwed (lol). Who do I file a complaint with?
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    Jan 15, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    jmals23 said
    kietkat said

    Lunch Break
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.



    I guess I only get a 15 minute lunch; geez...looks like I'm screwed (lol). Who do I file a complaint with?


    With the way things are going now, I'd have to say the unemployment office... Sorry LOLicon_lol.gif