Did you hook up to find out you don't like hooking up?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 9:06 AM GMT
    'Cuz I just found out I don't like hooking up.

    The sex was good, whatever, but I just didn't like the fact he brings up how he's on a "break" with his boyfriend while we were in the shower. And again when we were parked at a park near his house before dropping him off.

    And just for the sake of girl talk, this guy was femmy. Like carries a purse buys expensive earrings shaves everywhere and couldn't sip the beer I got femmy.

    Maybe it was his type but I just couldn't be as aroused as he was the whole time.

    I feel dirty. I want a boyfriend, not a boy toy. And another beer.
  • lostlogic

    Posts: 223

    Jan 15, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    You're not alone. The past couple of times I've hooked up I realized that it was never really satisfying and just left me feeling empty. So I don't play with those matches anymore, even though it's been a while since I got any. But slow, passionate and with a great connection love making is far more appealing.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 15, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    makavelli said'Cuz I just found out I don't like hooking up.

    The sex was good, whatever, but I just didn't like the fact he brings up how he's on a "break" with his boyfriend while we were in the shower. And again when we were parked at a park near his house before dropping him off.

    And just for the sake of girl talk, this guy was femmy. Like carries a purse buys expensive earrings shaves everywhere and couldn't sip the beer I got femmy.

    Maybe it was his type but I just couldn't be as aroused as he was the whole time.

    I feel dirty. I want a boyfriend, not a boy toy. And another beer.


    you are contridicting yourself
    sex was hot
    but when he told u its just a fuck and he is not available
    you started to notice his vices.....

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 15, 2010 4:25 PM GMT
    don't feel bad for not fulfilling the gay stereotype
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    lol i can totally relate! i had a bit of a dry spell recently... so i became adamant about making a new "fuck buddy". i met a cool guy, and i felt like we were on the same page and had a good time, but then after the "fooling around" / movie was over, it was time for me to leave. i never really felt "used" before this moment in time lol. then to make things worse i couldn't stop thinking about cuddling with this guy as I was trying to fall asleep icon_eek.gif

    maybe I 'can't handle' hookups? or maybe i should have had more of the "im just here for sex" mindset, and it would have been more satisfying.

    OR maybe there's just no satisfaction in a hook up icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    A lot of us used to do numerous hook ups before HIV-AIDS, but I for one stopped it because it began to feel empty and meaningless. I think the reason many of us did "one nighters" was because we were away at school - far from our parents' control - and we were having fun sewing our wild oats. Sooner or later, all the anonymous sex left us with a shallow feeling, although the chase and conquest was exhilarating for awhile........over time the fun diminished. My friends and I got a lot more out of a conventional life of dating guys where you actually got their names.........and even saw them much more often then just one night!

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 15, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    before and during the sex part...helll yehh!!!!

    an hour after i got rid of the guy....helll noooo. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 5:24 PM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    makavelli said'Cuz I just found out I don't like hooking up.

    The sex was good, whatever, but I just didn't like the fact he brings up how he's on a "break" with his boyfriend while we were in the shower. And again when we were parked at a park near his house before dropping him off.

    And just for the sake of girl talk, this guy was femmy. Like carries a purse buys expensive earrings shaves everywhere and couldn't sip the beer I got femmy.

    Maybe it was his type but I just couldn't be as aroused as he was the whole time.

    I feel dirty. I want a boyfriend, not a boy toy. And another beer.


    you are contridicting yourself
    sex was hot
    but when he told u its just a fuck and he is not available
    you started to notice his vices.....




    Haha no. I was lying. Sex was adequate.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 15, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    How did the femmy part become important...because you didn't connect at well as you hoped? I don't think you discovered he carried a purse while in the shower together.

    Hook ups are just what the name implies...a quick way to get off and there's no point in analyzing them for any more than that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    Hook ups are just ok. It's all about keeping it in perspective. I've had some pretty fantastic lays and probably the most outrageous sex has been during some of those. It kind of gets boring after a while. It's just another dick, another risk, whatever.

    The best sex has been with my BFs. There is really nothing that compares to the safety you feel when you are with someone you know that cares about you and that you trust. Someone that takes their time to please you and comfort you when it's over. It's hard to do the hookups when you've had that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    My dad, the ever simple but oh-so-wise Iowa farm boy, had a great saying he taught me that, when I stick with it, leads to happiness in life.

    Whatever it is you want in life, act like it.

    If you want a boyfriend, act like it. If you want to be a whore, act like it. But the two are rarely interchangeable.

    I am in the camp of "hookups are great in the moment, terrible after they're over."

    It's like eating Cheetos - tastes great, but afterwards you feel gross and your fingers stink.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidMy dad, the ever simple but oh-so-wise Iowa farm boy, had a great saying he taught me that, when I stick with it, leads to happiness in life.

    Whatever it is you want in life, act like it.

    If you want a boyfriend, act like it. If you want to be a whore, act like it. But the two are rarely interchangeable.

    I am in the camp of "hookups are great in the moment, terrible after they're over."

    It's like eating Cheetos - tastes great, but afterwards you feel gross and your fingers stink.


    That's actually why I don't eat Cheetos lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    There's a time and a place for everything. Maybe this just isn't your time for hooking up. I'm happy being single but I'm also partial to friends with benefits, even though they are sometimes harder to find than a good boyfriend. But there is great value in both, especially when you find the right person.
    I haven't always wanted a relationship. When I've been sorting myself out I've needed my personal space and friends with benefits has been my need for intimacy's salvation. It sounds cheesy but they are more like lovers. They're intimate relationships whose hallmark is "love" even if it isn't in a boyfriend kinda way. I have never been able to relegate someone who has loved me in that way to just a "buddy" or "trick". I guess it's kinda like hooking up... but not. If you think of it as "not".. then I haven't hooked up for a while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:31 PM GMT
    Yeah, I can't do the hook up thing. Any time I give in to it, it's no more satisfying than masturbating and generally leaves me feeling more lonely then when I started off. Go figure.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 15, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    hook ups do make you feel empty, and if you're lonely you will try to get one regardless to fill your void, even a fuck buddy, it's just physical and thats it...ive been there done that, and im honestly a lot happier being in a relationship, being monogamous and having a deep emotional connection
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    And, for those who hook up because they're trying to fill a void.. you're having the wrong void filled.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidMy dad, the ever simple but oh-so-wise Iowa farm boy, had a great saying he taught me that, when I stick with it, leads to happiness in life.

    Whatever it is you want in life, act like it.

    If you want a boyfriend, act like it. If you want to be a whore, act like it. But the two are rarely interchangeable.

    I am in the camp of "hookups are great in the moment, terrible after they're over."

    It's like eating Cheetos - tastes great, but afterwards you feel gross and your fingers stink.


    Wow that is vile... haha.


    Anyway, I am a pretty romantic person who would rather have that security and comfort of one partner being there than a string of nodding, laughing even though you don't think it's funny, doing this and doing that bunch of hook-ups.

    I don't think it's something I am going to pursue further, or much further. A stable relationship with a stable man is what I want, I'm pretty sure. And with one that's single too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    Hooking-up does leave an empty, dirty, whorish feeling. No thanks! I prefer to engage in an intimate act with someone I definitely care about: A long-term boyfriend! It's interesting how there are A LOT of guys out there who enjoy and can't live without hooking-up and enjoy that sort of reckless behavior. Not for me!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    Happens to me every now and then. I'll be on the way home and feel a bit empty, and then realise I'm a bit over the casual hook up thing and won't do it for a while.
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    Jan 16, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    I cut off ties with all of my fuckbuddies and cut way down on the "hookups" in 2009. As a result, I only got laid twice the entire year, but I didn't have to deal with the ramifications. I'm not opposed to the situation, just the opposite I think -- I kept hooking up with people who don't like hooking up.

    The sex can be great. I hate the "Why are you leaving? Don't you want to have breakfast in the morning then meet my parents?" I hate the cuddling and "No, stay and snuggle with me." I've had ten-minute arguments just so the clingy, whiny guy I just had sex with would let me up to go to the bathroom.

    I guess I separate sex and emotions easily. Worthwhile hookups are with guys who can also do that.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jan 16, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    It's just a FUCK, why wear your heart on your sleeve...
    Sometimes you just want what you want when you want it...icon_exclaim.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 16, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    Nobody reads this far down in the forum, so why do I bother? Anyway, it's a question of quality. It's just more fun to jack off to hot porn than to meet up with most of the guys that are available. Maybe porn has raised our expectations too high. Or that hot guy at work we jacked off over for weeks and weeks turned out to be straight. Good Buddha we have so many reasons to drink!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    Hook-ups can be fun depending on what you are looking for. Have met a couple of nice guys and am still friends with them. Plus sometimes all am looking for is sex just like him, so I shouldn't be saying I don't like it coz he doesn't want anything more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    jimbobthedevil saidYeah, I can't do the hook up thing. Any time I give in to it, it's no more satisfying than masturbating and generally leaves me feeling more lonely then when I started off. Go figure.


    Couldn't agree more!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    i don't know, sometimes it's just nice to get close , intimate body contact ...