Wow, how tacky....need to vent

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2010 6:34 PM GMT
    I was seeing this guy for a while, longdistance, all sounded good over the phone and we spent a lot of time getting to know each other, First trip he came to see me and all went well. Then I flew out to his place, 1st clue should have been the car was filthy, I mean stains on everything, boxs and bags pilled in the back seat, empty cigerette packages, burns in the seats stops to get gas and only gets $5.00 we actually stopped a few times and he only put in $5.00 each time, fill the damn thing up!!!!!, broken windshield, then we get to his apartment, boxs of crap pilled everywhere with sheets thrown over them...oh god run now, don't even stop for the glass door, run right thru it was blasting in the back of my head...

    We didn't have the sex the first time he came to visit, simply because I had a case of the flu and wasn't actually feeling good, so, we're laying in bed and he say's "I have something to tell you" ...........as soon as he muttered the words, I knew, just knew what he was going to say...I'm HIV+.. snort, why didn't you fucking tell me this weeks ago...My brain is tellling my feet to hoof it outa there, just run, climb walls, jump from the 8th floor window I don't care if I break both legs when I land kinda stuff.....Then he pulls out 2 rings, matching no less, cheap ass chrome with cut glass jewels, the kind with silver painted on the back surface to make them sparkle, hands me one "oh no she di'int just do that".......Then tells me that he wants to have sex, but he can't due to hemorrhoids and that he needs me to take him to the hospital tomorrow for his "roid" surgery thats at 9am and that he's so glad I'm here to take care of him as he doens't have anyone to take him to hospital and help him the next few days...at this point I simply want to stuff my head in a cuisinart and hit pulse... Being the nice guy I am, I stayed the next day to drag his sorry ass to the hospital, thought about just leaving him there and letting the staff deal with him...Anyway, cut my trip short and jumped on a plane home....

    Didn't even breakup with him, just ingnored him, all the calls, texts, etc....Then today I get a message that he'll be in town and wants this cheap watch he gave me as a present back on out first date, go figure a used watch as present on first date, should been the first clue..../must stop pounding head into wall/ ....................man this one slipped right thru all my spidey sense's

    I can't stop laughing about this...won't change my outlook on dating,

    this started off as a rant and funny story, but evolved into something much more.

    this is an update that I posted on page 3 of this thread

    Update......this is a long posting, read it with an open heart as another gay man has emotional issues, simply trying to guide him to a safer place

    Wow, that was emotional with a few unexpected twists.....Deep down I guess I realized he had issues, I seem to attract guys who are lost or confused, maybe they sense my desire to help people as I deeply enjoy guiding people along with sound advice and a shoulder to lean on, Many people over my lifetime have done this for me, can't keep it if you don't give it away, yin yang, pass it along...

    Arrived at his hotel, gave him a hug and asked if he was ok? Obvious attempt with a fake smile and the tears started to flow, pretty sad and emotional lost soul, that really gets to me when I'm around guys like that, call me an empath or whatever, but I knew how this was going to unfold and what needed to be said.

    I'm not known for fluffing things up, call it the way I SEE it and i'm usually spot on.
    "Bob" your having problems with being HIV+, right? got the yes,
    You told me everything I WANTED to hear so that I would want to be with you, right? another yes
    Your attracted to me because you think I can fix all your problems? another yes
    You feel alone and your latching onto the first person who shows any interest in who you are as a person? another yes
    Your not really attracted to me but want the security of being around me right? another yes
    Do you realize your living a fantasy and what your doing is not healthy? another yes
    How long have you been HIV+? 3 years
    Does your family know? yes
    Are you on any medications? no viral is non-detectible
    Do you have a counselor ? yes
    Have you done this to other guys like me? long pause, yes
    Are you going to hurt yourself or have you before? no, never
    Listen to me, look at me Your a good looking guy, your smart, have a career and you need to stop living a fantasy and get real, deal with this, you have no choice, deal with it, period.

    Then I started to cry, gave him a big hug and we sat there for maybe 10 minutes and then the flood gates opened, more than I care to share about his emotions and what he's going thru. Then he said he was sorry and nobody had evertalked to him like this, god I'm drained and feel bad. He assured me he was OK, nice thing is he doesn't drink, I shure need one, lol..I think he just needed somebody to confront him and lay it on the line, I don't like playing shrink, maybe I have a new friend who will grow stronger, I can only hope...this is so damn complicated, why this happens to me I'll never know
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2010 6:41 PM GMT
    Man. What a story. Life is messy with lots of "strangeness" all around. Don't let this scare you off from dating. My friends and family keep telling me there's decent guys out there. Where, I have no clue but I'm going to keep on trying. If anything, this makes for a great cocktail story. Keep trying bud.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 17, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    Oh my goodness... I can hardly see the screen my eyes are rolling so madly in their sockets.

    And we all know how much of a car fan you are... you must have been cringing!

    Now we know those great pecs aren't filled with muscle but heart.

    So... meet up for the watch exchange or mail it back to him (even if the postage is more costly than the watch)?
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    Jan 17, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    I'm so good at weeding thru all the crap and this one must be a pro, told me everything I wanted to hear and I became blind to all the small clues....Oh yeah, the entire time I was there, he was blowin gas outa his ass due to highfiber in his diet, proceded to tell me about all his bowel movements, had to have his citra whatever crap mixed with water..."oh i've really gotta go, as he'd grab his abdomen, but I'm soooo constipated" then mary would let loose with another of her ass gas cannons......Oh yeah, and all he wanted o eat was "Cheese Curd" or grilled cheese sandwiches, so for 2 days I ate cheese......
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:15 PM GMT
    O-M-G are you joking?!? How scurr...

    That's why online, long distance, can't work. You can never see who that person truly is, unless you go to their home or see what they drive or even see how they live. At least with people that you meet up with locally, you can speed up the process of being disappointed, but I would have been...

    PISSED if I was you. Why do people do this kind of thing? Disgusting!

    The whole watch thing, too bad he knows where you live... I would have HELLA thrown it out a window the day I got back ha ha ha
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    Guys, i'm totally serious about all this, I'm not the creative drama type would have no idea how to even make up this kinda crap.....rather have a monkey chew my fingers of than go thru this again...
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    where do you find these guysicon_eek.gif
    you must be a really patient man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:46 PM GMT
    And this just ruined meeting people online for me.
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:55 PM GMT
    If you can't drive to hang with them then it's a NO GO!!! NO LDR'S!!!!!
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jan 17, 2010 7:55 PM GMT
    It's the thought that counts!!....LMAO
    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2010 7:58 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to laugh at your recent unfortunate meeting. But this story is too funny. That gives me an idea though.. Maybe I can lure a guy down here to help me move my couch or a give me a ride to the dentist. icon_lol.gif

    But seriously, I hope this doesn't make you bitter and dissuade you from meeting other guys online. There are plenty of normal ones out there. icon_wink.gif
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 17, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    bad times buddy bad times icon_sad.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 17, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    Been there before myself.......and on the other hand, I have actually met some very nice online guys in person.....so it's 6 of one and 1/2 dozen of the other. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 17, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    Though he sounds a little creepy, how can you not feel sorry for him? He's lonely and confused with nobody to turn to for help. In my opinion, helping him during his time of need was the right thing to do. It was a selfless act, and one for which you should be commended.

    Give back everything he has given to you, preferably via mail, then cut all ties.

    May I ask why you accepted the watch in the first place?
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    Jan 17, 2010 8:38 PM GMT
    reppaT saidThough he sounds a little creepy, how can you not feel sorry for him? He's lonely and confused with nobody to turn to for help. In my opinion, helping him during his time of need was the right thing to do. It was a selfless act, and one for which you should be commended.

    Give back everything he has given to you, preferably via mail, then cut all ties.

    May I ask why you accepted the watch in the first place?

    The watch was one of those awkward moments when we first met, not wrapped or anything, more of him just handing it to me and saying "thought you might like this" one of my hobbies is colllecting watches I thought nothing of it never wore, don't even like it..I have no problem giving the watch back.....My only issue and guess it's more of a reflection of me is that if I ever give somebody something, not in my wildest dreams could I ask for it back......just thought it lacked class. And yes I did start to feel sorry for him, thats why I stayed tru the gas attack and roid removal

    In no way does this jade me or change my feelings on dating, I'm finding it rather funny and laughing about it...
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    Jan 17, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    This is disturbing. Single does NOT look bad at all now.
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    Jan 17, 2010 8:46 PM GMT
    Beware of a pot filled with boiling water and a rabbit inside....
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    Jan 17, 2010 8:46 PM GMT
    Now that I'm sitting back and reading my own posting, I can't stop laughing, I consider myself a sane, stable person devoid of any drama with a normal life, so this was really mind altering for me,

    cant


    stop


    laughing



    Oh and it wont change my dating habits.................NEXT....................
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Jan 17, 2010 8:47 PM GMT
    That was great. What a story. At least you had enough sense to run. Some jokers would have just stayed. Life is full of experiences. This is one to make your life more colorful. In time, I hope you'll laugh about it and realize you dodged a bullet.
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Jan 17, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    PusiKuracBre saidThat's why online, long distance, can't work. You can never see who that person truly is, unless you go to their home or see what they drive or even see how they live. At least with people that you meet up with locally, you can speed up the process of being disappointed, but I would have been...

    Incorrect by current experience. They can, this time just it just didn't.

    Sounds like a terrible experience, that's almost every fear come true right there.
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    Jan 17, 2010 9:03 PM GMT
    I think you are a gentleman and a doll for sticking with it as long as you did, but you really had no other choice but to abandon ship because you were being hooked and reeled in for a roller coaster ride down the freak show highway.
    I feel bad that he was lonely but to thrust those issues on you after a handful of dates is way too presumptuous, to me, unless you have some deep seated to desire to take care of someone.
    I've done long distance once, and it was after I had dated a guy for three months and he had to go to Japan for a work assignment for 4 months, we ended up together for 6 years.
    As good as that turned out... communication and coordination is hard enough when you can just walk to the other person's place, long distance is just too hard for me. I applaud anyone with the fortitude to make something of that nature work.
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    Jan 17, 2010 9:03 PM GMT

    Chalk one up to experience. It may be hard to realize right now from where you sit, but you got a great story out of this.

    You don't need to beat yourself up too badly about what you might have done, but didn't do. You showed yourself to be a really decent guy. Some people stick to the "nice guys finish last argument". They have no idea how much that costs them.

    You showed you have the confidence and resilience to tolerate someone else's eccentricities without panicking, acting in ways inconsistent with your values or in ways that put in risk of any real harm. In other words, you have what it takes to date ! Thanks again for the story.

    David




    "My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys: Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer."
    Michelle Landry


  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Jan 17, 2010 9:11 PM GMT
    Makes me realize that I really need to clean out my car LOL
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 17, 2010 9:21 PM GMT
    Hey, I still want that watch back icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 17, 2010 9:30 PM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle said
    Chalk one up to experience. It may be hard to realize right now from where you sit, but you got a great story out of this.

    You don't need to beat yourself up too badly about what you might have done, but didn't do. You showed yourself to be a really decent guy. Some people stick to the "nice guys finish last argument". They have no idea how much that costs them.

    You showed you have the confidence and resilience to tolerate someone else's eccentricities without panicking, acting in ways inconsistent with your values or in ways that put in risk of any real harm. In other words, you have what it takes to date ! Thanks again for the story.

    David




    when things get crazy I'm the one who gets more calm.....Nice thing is I have another guy that was on, then off and now might be back on.....it's a guy that made my heart skip a beat when I first saw him and even more when we met, but he wasn't into LD, now I'm moving to the same city, not because he's there it was just a logical place for me, family there, grew up in Orlando, love the beach, so we shall see if this old/new guy pans out....cross my fingers