Sexual Past

  • swall1963

    Posts: 161

    Jan 10, 2008 12:46 AM GMT
    Ok. My boyfriend and I have been talking about my sexual past. He is 31 and I am 44. He has only had one partner and that was back in high school when he was 17-18. I, on the other hand, have quite the past. I have been very honest with him, because I feel I need to be. He claims it has no bearing on our relationship, but I think differently, I feel it will somehow interfere with our relationship at some point.

    Question? Would a partner's past be a drag on your relationship?
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    Jan 10, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    When my partner and I watched Queer as Folk he kept asking me questions like "Is that what bathhouses are like", "did you ever do that". I got kind of irritated after awhile. He says he lives vicariously through me since he never did a lot of "risque" things in the gay community like underwear parties, bathhouses, dark rooms and the like. I didn't do much either but I must admit I wasn't a total saint!

    It has not affected our relationship in any way except I did manage to get infected somehow with HIV along the way!

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Jan 10, 2008 1:30 AM GMT
    It depends on why, really.

    I'd ask him if he feels he has missed out on something.
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    Jan 10, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    Don't ask don't tell really is a good policy in may aspect. I know some relationship are so open that they share every single detail. But I'll bet most relationships are not so.
    Then again, maybe it take some trial and error for relationship to grow.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 10, 2008 11:38 AM GMT
    Depends on if you guys let it

    Sounds to me like you have more problems with it than your partner so far
    The past is the past...
    as long as you're committed to each other NOW That's all that matters
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    Jan 10, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    I think it's better to bring it up early into a relationship if either one of you wants to know though it shouldn't matter so much as it's all in the past.

    Have you voiced your concerns about bringing up the past? Maybe he won't ask as much if he knows that you don't want it to affect your relationship with him if it does go in that direction.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 10, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    Anyone wanting a relationship with me , have to accept the fact I have been with hundreds of guys through out my life . I can be faithfull to him alone but my past is my past.
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    Jan 10, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    I think honesty is a virtue, to a point. I think discussions about sexual histories are important for many reasons. My last ex knew I'd had a healthy and varied social life prior to him, and knew I'd answer any questions he had. That said, he never wanted to know the details, and I never volunteered them. He was a little prone to jealousy and insecurity (hence the term 'ex'), so I did my best not to flaunt past relationships in front of him.
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    Jan 25, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and i are very open about our past sexual histories. Each of us have been with numerous men before, but we are together now. A big part of who we are now, comes from our past experiences. We love the persons that we have become, so must accept the past of each other and grow together with our own present and future sexual engagement...

    and a little-to-a-lot of sexual detail can be a real turn-on when we are enjoying the pleasures of sex together..