When do you change the pronouns?

  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jan 18, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    My partner and I have been together 8 years this Feb. I am wondering when in say not familiar company, but in a work situation do you respond to the question ,"So, what does your wife do?" with "He is.....
    We wear rings so its obvious there is a commited relationship somewhere in there.
    Do you ever? Do you always or is it 2nd time meetings?
    just something that happened to me and I was wanting this community's feed back.
    Cheers and Happy MLK Day!
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    Jan 18, 2010 12:59 PM GMT
    Well, when I was in a long term relationship I didn't have a set rule about whether or not I discussed everything with everybody. There were some people that I actually didn't speak to about my personal life, and if one of them asked even a casual personal question I would change the subject.
    For everybody else I would say something like "Gary's an architect". It's a really nice thing to be able to say, not only because you're with the one you love, but also for being in a city where you can consider having that kind of honesty.
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    Jan 18, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    Since I'm boyfriendlessforever, here's what usually happens:

    RandomGuy#1: BOOBIES!!!
    RandomGuy#2: YAY!
    RandomGuy#3: YAY!
    RandomGuy#4: YAY!
    RandomGuy#5: YAY!
    RandomGuy#6: YAY!
    RandomGuy#7: YAY!
    RandomGuy#8: YAY!
    Me: Ugh
    RandomGuy#9: YAY!
    RandomGuy#10: YAY!
    RandomGuy#11: YAY!
    RandomGuy#12: YAY!
    RandomGuy#13: YAY!
    RandomGuy#14: YAY!
    RandomGuy#15: YAY!
  • jeffreyr

    Posts: 43

    Jan 18, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    I'm in the exact same situation. Generally, My stock response is, "I don't have a wife, but my partner of 10 years is a lawyer." or whatever is appropriate. I'm never anything but completely honest because the way I feel about myself if I'm not is far worse than any other consequences. I really think it is about practice, practice, practice. We recently ran into a Sr. Manager from work at a restaurant and without skipping a beat, I introduced him as my partner without skipping a beat. Obviously, everything was fine. I consider myself very lucky to be able to be that open. It's only because of the hard work and suffering of gay people who are older than me.
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    Jan 18, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    I'm so glad I quit playing the pronoun game... it's such a relief.
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    Jan 18, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    Ended a 11y realtionship abut a year ago. We were both out, neither of us looks, talks, acts or appears gay for whatever that means..Both of us were secure in who we were and no problem if somebody asked. Most of the comments were, I see your married (ring) what does your wife do? Without skipping a beat, I'd respond "My husband" works for blah blah, sometimes i'd see their head twitch a little, guess for the first 4 years we used "partner" then we started using the husband phrase....
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    Jan 18, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    How I envy all you guys who could just be yourselves all this time. I'm in that kind of place now........but it wasn't always that way. I lived in Arizona - and had clients I had to please.........so not only did I change pronouns sometimes, I even brought a "wife" to certain important gatherings on occasion. Believe me when I tell you how fast you can be without clients - even in the unemployment line in some states if you're not real careful.
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    Jan 18, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    Sedative saidSince I'm boyfriendlessforever, here's what usually happens:

    RandomGuy#1: BOOBIES!!!
    RandomGuy#2: YAY!
    RandomGuy#3: YAY!
    RandomGuy#4: YAY!
    RandomGuy#5: YAY!
    RandomGuy#6: YAY!
    RandomGuy#7: YAY!
    RandomGuy#8: YAY!
    Me: Ugh
    RandomGuy#9: YAY!
    RandomGuy#10: YAY!
    RandomGuy#11: YAY!
    RandomGuy#12: YAY!
    RandomGuy#13: YAY!
    RandomGuy#14: YAY!
    RandomGuy#15: YAY!


    HAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHA!!! That SO happens to me all the time.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 18, 2010 8:06 PM GMT
    For me it depends. I correct people who live in the west, but I constantly work with individuals from the developing and undeveloped world. Under those circumstances (no matter whose country I am in), I go along with wife. After several meetings, if I have gotten a feel for things, I will correct people.

    My Senegalese boss to this day does not know, but his South Asian assistant does, as do folks in various parts of Africa and Asia, but it takes time to get to that point and only if things have gotten to the right place.

    Americans/Canadians/Europeans/Aussies I always correct. Before anyone asks, regardless of race.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 19, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    shortmuscleguy saidEnded a 11y realtionship abut a year ago. We were both out, neither of us looks, talks, acts or appears gay for whatever that means..Both of us were secure in who we were and no problem if somebody asked. Most of the comments were, I see your married (ring) what does your wife do? Without skipping a beat, I'd respond "My husband" works for blah blah, sometimes i'd see their head twitch a little, guess for the first 4 years we used "partner" then we started using the husband phrase....


    Diddo. It's pretty impossible to be subtle in German by choosing neutral words, because even they are declinated between male and female, so you either tell the truth or you lie. I don't really consider myself ueber-masculine, but neither am I terribly fem (unless I choose to be, of course). They see the ring and ask, and I correct them calmly and it's a non-issue.
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    Jan 19, 2010 8:19 PM GMT
    DCEric saidFor me it depends. I correct people who live in the west, but I constantly work with individuals from the developing and undeveloped world. Under those circumstances (no matter whose country I am in), I go along with wife. After several meetings, if I have gotten a feel for things, I will correct people.

    My Senegalese boss to this day does not know, but his South Asian assistant does, as do folks in various parts of Africa and Asia, but it takes time to get to that point and only if things have gotten to the right place.

    Americans/Canadians/Europeans/Aussies I always correct. Before anyone asks, regardless of race.

    *Best of*