Openly gay horror stories

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2008 5:40 AM GMT
    Anyone have bad experiences from being openly gay? Violence, attempts to ruin you, property damage? Fired, lost residence?
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:50 AM GMT
    yeah, I've had guys trying to beat the crap outta me.

    No idea how the straights think 3 on one is fair not very straight if you ask me. Thankfully was taught very well have to protect my self so never had anything serious happen.

    hmm worst case though was one guy who just wouldn't stop trying to pick a fight with me when ever he found me outside of school.

    He knocked a couple of teeth out thankfully it wasn't permanent, left some bruises and his jaw broke a few of my fingers too.

    He eventually came out though and I was the first one he kissed hahaha, ugh that one left me with one hell of a sore jaw, lasted a week guy gawd it was worth it.

    High school was fun, I miss it.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jan 10, 2008 6:07 PM GMT

    I am slowly over time seeing you think about taking this step. Only you can decide this for yourself, and you shouldn't listen too much to any of the rest of us.

    Your personal safety is priority number one. The very question you ask implies that this might be an issue for you. If so, don't do it, not where you are. Try to examine your circumstances rationally. Is your apprehension reasonable? If not, on to the next thing.

    Your job/housing. Depending upon where you work (I don't know the status of antidiscrimination laws in NV), you may have "protected class" status and therefore cannot lose your job or home for being gay. If you don't have this protection, your personal relationship with your employer/supervisor is crucial to your decision. If you own your own home, the neighbors can't do much to you unless you are hosting some very loud orgies at all hours of the night. As far as any sort of harrassment, you have to be the judge as to the kind of people you live near. Again, is your apprehension really reasonable? If you are a tenant, the question again is the nature of your personal relationship with your landlord.

    Your personal/family relationships. Are you prepared to lose people in your life that you may care deeply about, but as it turns out, don't actually love the real you anyway? Take the time to think carefully about each close relationship you may have. Are you overreacting to what might happen? Some people will surprise you, both in good and bad ways.

    All of us here at RJ have been through this process at some point in our lives, and we have all survived it. I personally have lost my job (military, duh) because of it, but I knew that was ultimately in the cards for me anyway. My husband was bashed last year, but he was actually more angry than traumatized, and he's well over it now.

    My last two cents. If the answers to most of the above questions leads to remain in the closet, consider whether all the subterfuge, as dramatic and spy-movie as it moght be, is worth staying in your present location.

    Peace to you brutha...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:36 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 is correct.

    To answer your question directly: Yes, almost everyone who is out has suffered 'bad experiences from being openly gay'. It is the nature of the beast in our society.

    I have lost friends and clients, lost a job, I have been threatened, I have been physically assaulted, I have been spat on and called just about every name in the book.

    For me the negatives and bad experiences were worth it to live my life openly and the way I wanted to


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2008 6:47 PM GMT
    I've only had good experiences - never anything bad, and being gay was illegal in my state until 1996!

    I haven't lost a friend, but I made many more. I work and have equal treatment to everyone else.

    No acts of violence. No attempts to ruin me. Never fired.

    No problems for me, except the stress I created for myself in my head about what people would think when I came out.

    Turns out everyone else has their own problems to deal with.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 10, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    I thought this would be the thread about Dracula sucking more than blood.
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    Jan 11, 2008 10:33 PM GMT
    Liltanker, that is a horrible thing that happened to you. I am not fully out (just friends know) but I cant imagine anything like that happening to me. Hopefully it will never happen. I dont know how I will react if someone ever attempted to harm me. I would do everything in my power to prevent it.
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    Jan 11, 2008 10:45 PM GMT
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 11, 2008 10:50 PM GMT
    cowboyathlete saidI thought this would be the thread about Dracula sucking more than blood.

    LOL, me too. icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 11, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    I came out back in 1983, in a small town in central North Carolina. I did lose a few "friends", but the truth is people like that aren't really friends. I caught a lot of shit from aunts, uncles and cousins and promptly cut them out of my life because I really don't need anyone trying to control me, convert me or "save" me.

    As for violence, yes, I was grabbed from behind, dragged into an alley and had my face repeatedly bashed into the side of a brick building as I walked out of a gay bar. I had a broken nose, two black eyes, both lips were busted, and a few teeth were cracked... my attacker crawled away with his white sweatpants turning red in the crotch after I spun around and dug my nails into his equipment in an attempt to rip it off of him. I was acting on instinct because up to that point, I had never had to fight and didn't know how... now, I do because I made it a point to learn. I also lost one job because I was in a gay pride parade and showed up on the news on TV for about 30 seconds... and all of this took place in the 80's.

    If I could do it all over, I'd do the same thing. I'd still come out and I'd still have the same experiences, because they helped make me the person I am today. If you're thinking about coming out, remember its your decision. Do it when you're ready, not before.
  • irishboxers

    Posts: 357

    Jan 11, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    Funny this topic should come up...

    I've lived in Los Angeles for almost 10 years and, well, LA and I don't get along anymore. We just want different things in our relationship: I want to own a house and have disposable income, LA is perfectly happy to have the second highest cost of living behind Manhattan. Some good things, though: gays are a protected class in CA and LA is pretty welcoming to just about everyone and no one cares too much who you're holding hands with. Virtually all of my "out life" has been spent in this very welcoming and open environment.

    I'm getting calls from recruiters for positions all over the country, but the lead offer is a company in Nashville. I like country music (don't love, but like) and a would like a less hectic city. This job would be almost a 40% raise with full relocation, plus bonus and benefits. Good package. But it's in Tennessee, where gays are not a protected class and Nashville, on a whole, is pretty conservative.

    You're considering coming out all the way, and I'm trying to decide if I'm willing to put one foot back in the closet. Not easy decisions, since both speak directly to quality of life and comfort with self. I'm not going to be less comfortable with myself, but I have a feeling I'll be annoyed with myself that I allowed my "outness" to be bought. We shall see how the next few interviews go before I decide on this.

    Wish you the best of luck with your decision, ScottNV. It's a big one, but the rewards can be huge in self-confidence and bring some focus to who your true friends and family are.
  • irishboxers

    Posts: 357

    Jan 11, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    Oh, and no violence in my experience so far. Been lucky in that regard.