is it appropriate?

  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 1:02 AM GMT

    if u are interested in a guy, and more towards dating than just a hook up
    how early in the dating/ do u find it appropriate to ask him if he wastop/vers/bottom?

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 21, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    I don't think it's a good question to ask in that form. I think that if you can find a way to work it into the conversation, it's better to ask what kinds of things he likes sexually.
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    Jan 21, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    You have to go out dancing and find out if he dances in front of you or behind you ha. Easiest way I guess...?

  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    PusiKuracBre saidYou have to go out dancing and find out if he dances in front of you or behind you ha. Easiest way I guess...?



    what if he crouch grind?
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    Jan 21, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    I prefer asking "So, what are you into?". That way they can give you information that they are comfortable with rather than hammering them on a specific issue.

    If you are a total bottom and can only get off by being fucked long and hard, then you aren't going to be sexually compatible with someone who is the same way. So, it is important to find out. But, Emily Post doesn't have protocol on when it is appropriate to ask. Play it by ear. When you are feeling all touchy feely it might be a good bit of foreplay to probe each other for details.

    Having sex isn't going to ruin the relationship unless one of you lets it. In which case, it probably wasn't built to last to begin with.
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    Jan 21, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    PusiKuracBre saidYou have to go out dancing and find out if he dances in front of you or behind you ha. Easiest way I guess...?



    what if he crouch grind?


    with his ass against your crouch? Then um... I'm pretty sure he is a bottom or if anything, versatile. icon_smile.gif

    but flat out asking is kind of AWKWARD

    yeah another best way is to full around. See who gets on top of who in which position, etc.

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jan 21, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
    minimum 3rd date, or later... you dont want to make the guy think that that is all you're after
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    Jan 21, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    ooers easy...

    say "i'm gonna slam your arse into next week" his reaction tells you everything icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 21, 2010 4:39 AM GMT
    I can usualy tell if they are top or bottom right off the bat..

    But why should that matter if you like the person???? Two bottoms can be together...
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    Jan 21, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    Why prescribe to a stereotyped notion? If you connect with the guy and like him enough to sleep with him... let nature take its course.

    Personally, I've found that personality wise I don't romantically connect with other tops anyway. I'm not saying it's scientifically provable but in the natural pecking order we (tops & bottoms) tend to seek each other out subconsciously (IMHO).
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    Jan 21, 2010 4:45 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidooers easy...

    say "i'm gonna slam your arse into next week" his reaction tells you everything icon_smile.gif


    And that why so many gay men never get to a second date.

    When you end up in bed, is a good time and if you end up in bed on the first date there way well never be a second either.
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    Jan 21, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    If you're not interested in an instant hook up, then why does it matter? Go on a few dates and get to know him, and if it starts looking like you'll end up in the boudoir, then start worrying about that.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidI can usualy tell if they are top or bottom right off the bat..

    But why should that matter if you like the person???? Two bottoms can be together...


    absolutely not
    part of getting together is being sexualy compatible

    i had BFs before that were not sexualy compatible and the relationship ended because of lack of satisfaction in that departement

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    Jan 21, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    Aggieboy saidI can usualy tell if they are top or bottom right off the bat..

    But why should that matter if you like the person???? Two bottoms can be together...


    absolutely not
    part of getting together is being sexualy compatible

    i had BFs before that were not sexualy compatible and the relationship ended because of lack of satisfaction in that departement



    You need to have your antenna adjusted. On a whole you need to seek out compatiblity on a multitude of levels, and sometimes that means being more selective. You should be able to decipher the sexual aggressor/submissive from the interaction you have with someone.
    Furthermore, your question is unanswerable by anybody not in your situation. You just have to use your best judgement on what level you have reached with said guy, and honestly if you need to ask others if it is too early.... Then it is too early!
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 said



    You need to have your antenna adjusted. On a whole you need to seek out compatiblity on a multitude of levels, and sometimes that means being more selective. !


    it has to be compatible on many levels
    and sexualy is one of them

    i am selective......... maybe too selective
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 5:00 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 saidIf you're not interested in an instant hook up, then why does it matter? Go on a few dates and get to know him, and if it starts looking like you'll end up in the boudoir, then start worrying about that.


    i am not interested in a hook up
    i can search for exactly what i want on manhunt using the refind search lol

    i dont sleep with who i want to date untill at least three weeks in the dating possible longer....

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    Jan 21, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    syd_hockey_79 saidIf you're not interested in an instant hook up, then why does it matter? Go on a few dates and get to know him, and if it starts looking like you'll end up in the boudoir, then start worrying about that.


    i am not interested in a hook up
    i can search for exactly what i want on manhunt using the refind search lol

    i dont sleep with who i want to date untill at least three weeks in the dating possible longer....



    Then ask three weeks in.

    /thread
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 21, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    I don't think it's appropriate to ask...at least not too soon. Just let things unfold naturally
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    Jan 21, 2010 5:04 AM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    syd_hockey_79 saidIf you're not interested in an instant hook up, then why does it matter? Go on a few dates and get to know him, and if it starts looking like you'll end up in the boudoir, then start worrying about that.


    i am not interested in a hook up
    i can search for exactly what i want on manhunt using the refind search lol

    i dont sleep with who i want to date untill at least three weeks in the dating possible longer....



    Arent you awesome.
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    Jan 21, 2010 5:11 AM GMT
    Personally, I think its lame to ask that question.

    I think its a shame we have to lay everything out like that right off the bat. What happened to discovering what chemistry you have together? Top and bottom are shackles gay men use to define themselves.

    There are much better questions you can ask if you are interested in learning about a guy.
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    Jan 21, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    I think it is a valid question since it does determine if you are compatible or not.... even for dating. I've asked similar questions in a very blunt way and its usually not taken very well. Most people will take it as you being a dirty dirty man, even if its not the case.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 21, 2010 5:17 AM GMT
    I find it personally a turn off if someone asks me that question before they've really even gotten to know me as a person. It makes them seem like that's all they really care about.
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    Jan 21, 2010 6:20 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 said
    WILDCARD73 said
    syd_hockey_79 saidIf you're not interested in an instant hook up, then why does it matter? Go on a few dates and get to know him, and if it starts looking like you'll end up in the boudoir, then start worrying about that.


    i am not interested in a hook up
    i can search for exactly what i want on manhunt using the refind search lol

    i dont sleep with who i want to date untill at least three weeks in the dating possible longer....



    Then ask three weeks in.

    /thread


    Right, because it is much better to waste three weeks of each other's time than to, you know, actually flirt with someone and get to know them.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 21, 2010 6:52 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    Ganymede80 said
    WILDCARD73 said>

    Right, because it is much better to waste three weeks of each other's time than to, you know, actually flirt with someone and get to know them.



    well if u know earlier u will decide if u wanna invest in the time to get to know the guy or not

    if i am not sexualy compatible , the guy can only be a friend,,,,

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2010 6:56 AM GMT
    I've never asked when dating someone. If they don't volunteer the info I'm happy finding out when we are ready for it. I'm a "go with the flow" kind of guy when it comes to sex anyway, and the only way I'd be sexually incompatible with someone would be if they were 100% one way or the other. Then I'd think they had a mental hangup and wouldn't want to date them anyway.

    I just think they are going to be more substantial issues affecting compatibility, and asking creates an impression you're only after sex. And that could prevent you from really discovering a person with whom you mentally connect.