Why's it so hard?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    Is it jsut me or is it just really really hard to meet people on or off line. Seems most just look at the outside and never take the time to get to know someone on the inside.

    Does it really matter who you know, what you do for a living, what car you drive, or how much money you make? ANd does it really matter if you are handsome, or uglyicon_question.gif Are we as gay men only allowed to be friends or talk to guys that are hot, built, hung and make a lot of money or drive a car that cost more than a houseicon_question.gif

    I understand that looks matter but are looks and money and who you know really that importanticon_question.gif I have famous parents and famous friends and yeah I look ok I guess. But does anyone ever take the time to look past the pictures and get to know me for me? Very rare if someone does. Maybe its just me but thought id share my thoughts and make a post.
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 11, 2008 12:20 AM GMT
    I think most gay men, at least the ones that I've met, only want to talk for sex purposes. I usually tell guys before I meet them or exchange pics that even if we aren't attracted to each other we can still be friends and go out and have a drink from time to time. How often does that happen? Almost never. I met one guy, I'm TOTALLY not attracted to him at all, but I still text him and will go out for a drink with him because neither one of us are out and it gets old faking your way through the "she had some good pussy" stories of straight friends. I try and look past the pictures and at people for who they are like you said. I met a great guy who is CUTE as hell on this site and we've been chatting on the phone so hopefully I'll get to meet him soon, I'm sure you'll find someone to get to know sooner or later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    Well gee, Brad, I guess it depends on how famous your parents are and whether or not they can get me my own TV show.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:12 AM GMT
    I've met a lot of guys online and become friends with many around the world...I don't have the problems you have (hot looking, young and famous parents) but I quickly weed out those who just don't know how to be nice or treat people with decency... I find those left really do care who I am...regardless of my many faults!

    Nice to meet you....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:20 AM GMT
    When I had your very same problem, I just took down all my revealing pics and people had nothing else to relate to me with than my mind and innermost values.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:36 AM GMT
    I've met plenty of guys I'd be pleased to call friends on this site, BradBoy. It's not as cruisy as others. Yeah, there are plenty of blank profiles with pretty headshots and charging hormones, but take a look around. There are also plenty of well-written, thoughtful profiles. Those guys, more often than not, have some pretty cool stuff to say. At least in my opinion.

    That said, you'd better give jprichva his show. Otherwise, shallow, materialistic gay me can't connive a guest spot on it, and then I'm not gonna be his friend anymore. icon_razz.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 11, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    I know what you mean Brad, but not all gay guys are like that, but yes, alot are.

    I see alot of profiles here with "don't message me if this, and don't message me if that" It makes you wonder what is going on inside there tiny little brains. But then there are lots of great guys on here also, that don't care what car you drive, or how much money you make, or if your hot or not.

    Keep looking.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:51 AM GMT
    Mike is totally right, but seriously, can you buy me something?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:57 AM GMT
    I agree with Mike on this one. There's plenty of really nice guys to just get to know and chat to. Being that I'm in Australia, there's little chance of me "hooking up" with guys from this site, and I'm in a relationship anyway, so conversation and saying hello and sharing thoughts in the forums is my enjoyment on this site.

    good luck!
    xxp
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    I'd like it if you posted more about your interests and thoughts. You are obviously more than a handsome face, but you need to share it for people to be attracted to it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 1:59 AM GMT
    it's not hard to meet people, but it is hard to meet people that are worth coming back 24hrs from now and talking to again. i meet guys constantly and i do have to agree that most of them are in it for the instant gratification of sex with a hot guy, or the daddy figure with money.

    say no to sex and their interest is usually nil after that.

    but in the big pool of mud i have met a lot of -good- guys.

    that all aside, fame and fortune brings it's own set of troubles with it. it can be difficult to get out from under their burdens.

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:01 AM GMT
    I think it's just hard to get your realy [ personality by reading a profile online. I guess I view the internet as a way of breaking the ice as far as getting to know people goes. Then you can take that breakage of ice to get a chance to meet that person/people. Does that help?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:04 AM GMT
    No, really, I always wanted a pony.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    Brad:

    I think the image we portray greatly affects who we attact to our profile, e-mail, and chat. I'm as guilty as anyone else. My main photo is a hairy chest shot.

    I have developed two good friendships on RealJock. Those friednships developed after several conversations and tipped into friendship after something I had said provoked a deeper conversation.

    There are a lot of hot guys of all ages on here you'd love to f--ck, but there is not enough content in what they communicate to develop a friendship.

    I have quite a few pics in my profile. Two of those are of me. The rest relate to something in my life and really tell a story. I had soeone to ask me about each photo today in chat.

    Most of all relax. Don't be afraid to approach people. Unless you are the apple of some guys sexual eye they won't acknowledge your IM session or even answer your e-mails. Some are just too busy whacking off in front of the web cam to even acknowledge your IM.

    Tom icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:29 AM GMT
    Look at it this way: there are 102,000 guys registered on this site right now, give or take. Of course there will be some losers out there. There will be some hornballs out there. There will be some liars out there. There will be some vacuous beauties out there. There will even be some vapid tramps who, despite themselves, have led interesting lives and are worth getting to know for that reason alone.

    Even if only 5% of the guys on this site are genuine, nice, great, phenomenally fantastic guys...that's still...like...5100 of them. That's plenty in my book. icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 11, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    Hey Brad,
    My view is that RJ is a step above most of the sites out there. You have guys here that are educated, deep and here for more than just a hook up.
    I've developed a number of good friendships from all over the world.

    I think its simple in some ways. Most people, gay or straight are attracted to nice looking, successful people. What we each value is in the eye of the beholder, but even non sexually, success in the form of things like cars, clothes, money is an attraction to many. For others, things like honesty and real caring are important, for they are even more
    rare than about anything else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:52 AM GMT
    Brad, your on the right track. It's a filter issue. There are people here who are just plain friendly, smart and entertaining. It (like meeting live) takes time to sort them out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    then just focus on the rare ones. focus energies on meeting them and dont take the others so seriously. not everyone is looking for new best friends to share deep conversations with. getting to know everyone deeply who ever emails or contacts you would be exhausting. some want sex, or a pic trade, some want friends, some just someone to tell them where to hang out when visiting their sitting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 3:13 AM GMT
    Oh man. Meeting people is the easy part. Finding a common ground and similar interests that is pretty easy too. It only seems hard because alot of people don't wanna take the time out to ask certain questions. Instead they wanna know the basics with intentions of having sex, which is kind of annoying at times.

    As for me, I'm not ripped nor do I make alot of money and I dare say that I'm just barely an average looking guy who might even be considered ugly to my peers. Personally, I could care less since I have a great personality and along with it some really great friends of all shapes and sizes from different backgrounds. Good chemistry and a good approach make all the difference in meeting people I think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    Hmm... I don't have much to add, but I agree with everyone here, it's hard to make friends who don't want to sleep with you first. Some people think that's ok, which I think is fine for them, but it's not for me. I guess it all comes down to where and under what circumstance you meet someone, which is why I prefer to meet people doing the things I love to do. That said, most of them haven't been gay, but hey, you can't have it all.
  • medic

    Posts: 25

    Jan 11, 2008 3:29 AM GMT
    Lots of great comments on this topic. I like RJ because there is not as much of the "show me your c%$k" mentality present. I have had some really interesting conversations with men here. There is plenty of addictive sexuality in both the gay or straight populations so that topic is best left for another thread.

    I am in agreement with Brad that there is a tendency to stereotype or judge people by appearance, age or perceived success. Recently a thread about younger with older got me wondering. Are we (gay men) as judgmental and ready to label as those who have spent decades attacking homosexuality?

    There are cute guys who want to just talk and there are plain guys too. I guess ultimately it requires getting past the first few conversations and making a friend. Ultimately a lasting connection is an inside job.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Jan 11, 2008 3:29 AM GMT
    BradBoy, first of all, nice to meet you! I have made friends online from New Zealand, Sweden, France. I have made friends with guys from all over the states. It is very unlikely that most of us will meet up, but we chat about things like family and our relationships. I think you will have to give some of the guys here a chance.
  • SkyMiles

    Posts: 963

    Jan 11, 2008 3:32 AM GMT
    Since I don't know the answer, I'll do what I usually do...and make something up! icon_smile.gif

    My take is that sex is an immediate issue, and all you might have to know about someone is how they look or how they make you feel sexually. Finding someone truly compatible, interesting, funny, moral, etc. takes time and patience.

    Meh, that's all I got icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 3:33 AM GMT
    This is a society obsessed with physical appearance and gay men are the worst. I've read countless research studies and survey reviews that list gay men as the most superficial of all groups. One survey (of course you always have to question where the information was gathered, etc.) found that gym-going gay men were most likely to judge another based on appearance, and that this group preferred a hot, tight body as opposed to intellect and personality when seeking out a partner. Again, take this with a grain of salt, but there is a bit of truth to it--at least here in San Diego.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2008 5:31 AM GMT
    He wouldn't even have to be that big of a pony.....