Flakey Guys in 2010

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    Jan 22, 2010 5:56 PM GMT
    So one of my only "resolutions" for 2010 was to not chase anyone or waste time with Flakes this year. I even added a feature on my iPhone to block calls and texts from guys that I no longer want to deal with (Yes, there's an App for that) since these guys like to still send random texts like nothing is wrong with their flakey behavior.

    Yesterday, after telling me for weeks that he really wanted to hangout again, a guy flaked on me at the last minute before our planed Movie/Drinks date...He texted me that he suddenly became sick. If this was the first time he'd canceled, I may have been sympathetic. But at this point it's the boy who cried wolf. Nice guy otherwise so I felt kinda bad when I reluctantly added his number to the block list. Maybe he really was sick.

    At what point do you guys determine someone (that you kinda like) is a flake and cut your losses? The first time? The fourth? Do any of you who find it hard to meet guys you like still deal with the flakes because you have no other options?
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Jan 22, 2010 7:41 PM GMT
    Once is an isolated incident, twice is a pattern. If you make allowances for someone to act a certain way, please believe they'll act like that always.
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    Jan 22, 2010 7:49 PM GMT
    Don't you watch Oprah? Two quotes come to mind:

    1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    This dude is showing you that he's a flake, so believe him.

    2. You teach people how to treat you.

    If you continue to let yourself be flaked on, it will continue to happen because you're teaching the guys that you're ok with it.

    But ultimately, your resolution was more on track - meeting/engaging with flakey guys has more to say about the types of guys you go after vs. the types of guys who are out there. You are the common denominator so fix you and you'll be all set.
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    Jan 22, 2010 7:52 PM GMT
    Do as you say, say as you do.

    Otherwise, you are useless.

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    Jan 22, 2010 7:56 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidDon't you watch Oprah? Two quotes come to mind:

    1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    This dude is showing you that he's a flake, so believe him.

    2. You teach people how to treat you.

    If you continue to let yourself be flaked on, it will continue to happen because you're teaching the guys that you're ok with it.

    But ultimately, your resolution was more on track - meeting/engaging with flakey guys has more to say about the types of guys you go after vs. the types of guys who are out there. You are the common denominator so fix you and you'll be all set.


    I concur with this view. Many folks, especially those in urban areas that haven't been properly parented, have to have expectations put upon them because they fail to behave properly. I tell folks up front, "three strikes and you're out." It's a shame that folks don't know how to behave but in the urban mindset of me,me,me,I,I,I you have to lay the law down, and stick to your guns. The general rule, I think, should be, if you upset me, you won't be allowed to continue doing so. Only an idiot submits to ongoing frustration on relationships. They're not good relationships if they piss you off.
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    When I was first playing around I got run over by guys who would blow me off without any notice or not show at all. And I almost always believed their lame fucking excuses. Part of it I would blame on the arena I played in , married/straight guys. Figuring they couldnt get out or call or whatever. But the homo's are almost as bad to be honest, well at least thats my experience.

    Now I dont play games, you get to blow me off once and thats it. After that, you will not call or see me again. EVERYONE has fucking 30 seconds to call or send a text to explain why they cant make it. Afterall you spent the last two hours telling me what you wanted me to do to you. Whatever stud, get here or get lost.

    I am direct and straight forward with them. I may lose out on a guy or two with potential but the aggravation isnt worth it.
  • gymguy81

    Posts: 455

    Jan 22, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    i let guys know they are being flake the ill call you later is my favorite i always say i wont hold my breath
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:13 PM GMT
    Yes! Flaky people are everywhere.
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:21 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidDon't you watch Oprah? Two quotes come to mind:

    1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    This dude is showing you that he's a flake, so believe him.

    2. You teach people how to treat you.

    If you continue to let yourself be flaked on, it will continue to happen because you're teaching the guys that you're ok with it.


    I agree....icon_smile.gif

    Get the losers out your life move on and be sure to find someone who values your time.
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:40 PM GMT
    Flakey guys are always "Out" and about, but never "In" style
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    When someone shows you who they are "BELIEVE THEM"! and Bounce! bounce

    Quote by Mya Angelou!
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    Jan 22, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    Ricovelas said
    badmikeyt saidDon't you watch Oprah? Two quotes come to mind:

    1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    This dude is showing you that he's a flake, so believe him.

    2. You teach people how to treat you.

    If you continue to let yourself be flaked on, it will continue to happen because you're teaching the guys that you're ok with it.


    I agree....icon_smile.gif

    Get the losers out your life move on and be sure to find someone who values your time.


    Im also SO on this path this year. South Florida is the flake transient capital and Im over it.
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    Jan 22, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    cthedj said


    Im also SO on this path this year. South Florida is the flake transient capital and Im over it.


    I know you mean me dont you. I was really sick that day and my cell phone battery died and then I ran it over by mistake and couldnt get to ATT to get a new one. REALLY REALLY thats the truth.
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    Jan 22, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    If the guy is that Flaky consider yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with him and keep it pushin!
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    Jan 22, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    RowBuddy saidNeedless to say I found myself giving guys three strikes, they would wonder why I stopped talking to them, call or text, set something up, only to flake again.

    That is when I got smart. A lot of gays guys just want to feel wanted or something and keep their options open. Maybe its not just gay men, I dont know.


    Dude I think you hit the nail on the head here.....I'd always make justifications for the guy because I would think "Why would he spend hours/days/weeks texting me back-and-forth and setting up the meet if he didn't really want to get together?"

    So in 2010 I decided to stop doing all that and cut them off...That way I free them up to find someone they REALLY want to see. So I'm doing us both a favor. LOL

  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 22, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    Indy404 saidAt what point do you guys determine someone (that you kinda like) is a flake and cut your losses? The first time? The fourth? Do any of you who find it hard to meet guys you like still deal with the flakes because you have no other options?



    When my first impression gives me warning signs. Trust your instincts. It's a fundamental quality that many adults fail to actualize.
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    Jan 22, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    This is a great thread. I have been played by guys before. I guess
    everyone has to some extent.

    Guys are flakey because they are always waiting for a better offer to come
    along. I don't play those games anymore and it feels great.

    Flakey, unreliable people are time wasters and we only have so much time.

    Happy New Year.
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    Jan 23, 2010 6:28 PM GMT
    Indy404 saidSo one of my only "resolutions" for 2010 was to not chase anyone or waste time with Flakes this year. I even added a feature on my iPhone to block calls and texts from guys that I no longer want to deal with (Yes, there's an App for that) since these guys like to still send random texts like nothing is wrong with their flakey behavior.

    Yesterday, after telling me for weeks that he really wanted to hangout again, a guy flaked on me at the last minute before our planed Movie/Drinks date...He texted me that he suddenly became sick. If this was the first time he'd canceled, I may have been sympathetic. But at this point it's the boy who cried wolf. Nice guy otherwise so I felt kinda bad when I reluctantly added his number to the block list. Maybe he really was sick.

    At what point do you guys determine someone (that you kinda like) is a flake and cut your losses? The first time? The fourth? Do any of you who find it hard to meet guys you like still deal with the flakes because you have no other options?



    I am wayyyyyyyyy over exclusions of any kind! I guess because as I matured have become a bit more compassionate that everyone's faults is not so different than that of my own!

    All of us at some point in our lives thought we were flaky or were told by others as being flaky! just because someone does not get my attention or fails to do something with me, what ever reason it maybe, I see it as a very GOOD REASON worth my respects without further scrutiny of their character on my part!! for every action one makes there have got to be a legitimate reason behind it; that being said I have no right to judge anyone's personal interactions towards me, and then see them in a negative light as a way to get back at them.

    Furthermore in a situation such as presented by the OP, it is more mature to leave the channels open then to block someone, specially if you don't know the facts or the reason why they "flake" on you!? I personally have learned to not judge someone's actions without knowing their motives!? and even if they have a motive it is definitely better then if I second guess what their motives were on my own.


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Jan 23, 2010 7:03 PM GMT
    This is one of the many reasons why I MAKE the guys who want to know me earn their chance, as well as, earn the benefit of the doubt. I lay down the ground rules with them & well, giving chances is OUT! The last guy I was talking to stood me up, like it was no problem & well, he still hits me up online like his behaviour is overlooked or appropriate. I told him about himself in a few hard details and well, according to him, I'm a bitch (whatever that means) but he got his face broken. Once you flake on me, it's a wrap. No discussions, drawbacks, ifs ands or buts about it.

    My grandmother & Maya Angelou ALWAYS said it best:

    "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Jan 23, 2010 7:06 PM GMT
    Ultimately I see myself as being waaaaaaayyyy too patient with flakes....I let them flake out on me for weeks before I give up on them....and then from time to time, I may even give them another chance down the road...only if i'm bored though.
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    Jan 23, 2010 7:31 PM GMT
    cthedj said
    Ricovelas said
    badmikeyt saidDon't you watch Oprah? Two quotes come to mind:

    1. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    This dude is showing you that he's a flake, so believe him.

    2. You teach people how to treat you.

    If you continue to let yourself be flaked on, it will continue to happen because you're teaching the guys that you're ok with it.


    I agree....icon_smile.gif

    Get the losers out your life move on and be sure to find someone who values your time.


    Im also SO on this path this year. South Florida is the flake transient capital and Im over it.


    hmmmmmm it can't hold a candle to NYC.

    it's a one strike you are out sort of thing for me.
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:07 PM GMT
    I am not defending or justifying a flaky person! but honestly why judge someone of being a flake when most of us when needing something real bad will resource to hypocrisy just to get what we want or to boost our ego of self-righteousness!

    I don't know maybe is just me!? but lately I have come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with people's flaws is to understand that "An apple whether good or bad doesn't fall too far from the tree" so while the bad ones may rot on the ground the good ones will rot in someone else stomach!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:47 PM GMT
    george-w-bush-main_Full.jpg


    As our former President George W. Bush said so well :

    " Fool me once ...shame on you.
    Fool me twice ...uhhhh...mmmm...We won't get fooled again !!
    icon_surprised.gif
  • Glorfindel

    Posts: 277

    Jan 23, 2010 9:12 PM GMT
    I really need to learn this lesson.... and just stop being so acceptive of it. I give guys who flake too many chances. If it happens once, then that's okay. Emergencies do happen and I can understand that. But I repeatedly get trashed by flakes. It should be a 2010 New Years Resolution for me to just call it quits on them sooner.

    I guess I don't really have a problem if someone flakes on me and I'm just meeting someone that I have no interest beyond friendship or just chatting. They get one pass to flake and I'll try again, but the onus is on them to ask me out and set up something.

    My problem is when I start to get interested in someone and they flake, then I give them WAY too many chances. That just stems from the fact that (yes, I admit I am VERY picky) it takes a lot (chemistry, connection, attraction) for me to get to the point that I'm interested in dating someone. I begin to determine that from just online chatting and online interactions, but then when they start flaking out on actually meeting up, that's when I keep giving way too many chances. I want to hold on to that possibility of something more because they already crossed so many of the hurdles in my mind, that I keep giving them another chance.

    And when they keep flaking, I just end up hurting myself. I have to realize that they're just not that into me, but I'd prefer someone be honest and tell me instead of lie to me and flake out later.

    Yes, that's complicated, but that's just me and where my comfort is.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:56 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidI am not defending or justifying a flaky person! but honestly why judge someone of being a flake when most of us when needing something real bad will resource to hypocrisy just to get what we want or to boost our ego of self-righteousness!


    ALEZANDAR I see you're trying to play nice guy and not be judgmental to the flakes of the world and I kinda appreciate that about you...but we're all grown men here. If we were 16 years old getting repeatedly stood up or dragged along for weeks/months at a time, I'd be more sympathetic.

    Like so many others, I'm a pretty busy guy but will make time for people I really wanna hang out with. So when I clear my day AGAIN and jump out of the "getting ready for our date" shower to see a missed text message saying that something came up AGAIN, it makes you kinda upset...

    I would NEVER do that to someone else. And if an emergency came up I'd at least call and ask when an alternate date can be made and STICK TO THAT ONE. I think flakes show you're dealing with a person that doesn't respect anyone's time but their own.

    I bet if they were meeting with Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Will Smith, they wouldn't flake on them...To me, no one I date or meet is less important than those guys.

    BadByMyself saidThe last guy I was talking to stood me up, like it was no problem & well, he still hits me up online like his behaviour is overlooked or appropriate. I told him about himself in a few hard details and well, according to him, I'm a bitch (whatever that means) but he got his face broken.


    BadByMyself makes a good point here when he says he explained what the problem was to the guy and moved on. It was the other guy that wouldn't accept it. A man only has to tell me once that he's no longer interested. That's why I have been driven to block people. After I say, "thanks but it's a wrap" they will STILL keep calling or texting. And to be honest, I'm kinda weak...I fall victim to a pretty face or their "game" easily so I often end up giving them another chance only to get burned AGAIN. No more in 2010. I learned here on RealJock forums that I should have more dating integrity... LOL