Family emails

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2010 6:46 AM GMT
    Just for background, I have been out for since I was 19 to my family and been with my husband for 13yrs this March. My family for the most part is very accepting and we have a good relationship other than I live 10hrs away from themicon_biggrin.gif

    My issue is that they (family) send my these stupids, religious, bias emails that my liberal, tolerant self find insulting. I normally just delete them but lately my threshold for this crap is getting shallow. I know that most of them just clicks "Send to All" but really, do you really think I of all people want to even know about the existence of this particular email?! Really?!

    Anyho.......



    Does anyone else have family/ friends that continually send this crap out and how to you deal with it?
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Jan 23, 2010 7:16 AM GMT
    I have one aunt who is quite religious and sometimes sends me some things, though usually through actual physical mail (she's old fashioned, lol).

    Last Christmas at dinner party with my sister's in-law's, the venerable great-aunt was talking to me about how she got her granddaughter a Focus-on the-Family-sponsored book as a wedding gift. I thought it was pretty awkward to mention to me of all people at the time, but it turns out she didn't know... the reason she chose that book was because her granddaughter was bisexual and so she wanted to promote her in choosing a traditional marriage or something. icon_lol.gif

    It's never been worth it to me to complain about this sort of thing. I'm not really offended, so no reason really to make a fuss. Older folk can be a little bit oblivious, even when they know your sexuality, about how you may feel about their beliefs. I can deal with being a little uncomfortable sometimes when I know that my relatives are also uncomfortable with me to an extent but still love me.
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:06 AM GMT
    What a fucking liberty! I just really want to send them some of my politics etc in retaliation - or maybe just that DILDO Sale alert from ADAMALE, but my immediate family has begged me not to...so I don't.
    I just think how perfect it is that they are so presumptuous to send their crap out to everybody, how consistent it is with their thoughtless, bovine points of view. I envision them breaking from a serene cud-chewing to frantically email the rest of us so that we can be privy to their brilliance! Thank God they are here to enlighten me!
    The worst offender is an overweight "Jaysus" praisin cigarette smoking Walmart shopping ungulate, who is convinced that the President is an emissary of Satan!
    Yesterday my homophobic insulin junkie cousin showed up with a t-shirt (he looked like 50 pounds of shit packed into a 20 pound sack!) - He shows up with a t-shirt that says "Choose Jesus" oh my penis smokin water walkin Jesus!
    Signed,
    Suffocating in Louisiana

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    Jan 23, 2010 2:03 PM GMT
    I have this same problem. Actually, its only one family member that does this, my godmother. She's on some email hook-up, where she gets a lot of stupid trash, and then sends it on. (Who are these losers who make all this stuff up anyway?)

    Mostly, she sends offensive stuff against Democrats and Obama, and a lot of high-strung crap about how god is being taken out of public life. She's very religious.

    I just ignore it. I love her very much, and wouldn't want to offend her. She's >70, and is not going to change.

    Strangely, even though she has these views, she is a very loving person, and very supportive of me. She took in my gay cousin when he was dying, had no money, and nowhere to go. So, she really lives the positive aspects of hers religious views. She just gets too caught up in it, in my opinion.

    One cousin wrote her back that she didn't appreciate the emails, and godmother was very offended and hurt.

    Some of this is Italian emotionalism. Sometimes I wish I was a wasp.

    Anyway, my advice is to assess the situation, and act wisely. Is the email sender a 70 year old lady who is never going to change? Then just ignore it. If not, I'd choose my words very carefully, if you reply. Be respectful.
  • Nicobx15

    Posts: 54

    Jan 23, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    I had this same problem with my Mom and an Uncle....initially if it included a "fwd" then I just deleted it without reading....after awhile that got annoying as well...so I simply sent them each a reply and explained that I did not want to received any emails that are FWD....I asked to be removed from their mass email list for that kind of stuff because it was just filling up space in my inbox...my Uncle was a little offended so I called him and explained again that I don't read those emails from anyone...that it's a possible spread of viruses and that I'd love to hear from him...just not in a mass/generic way. He stopped icon_smile.gif and my Mom stopped icon_smile.gif

    they can't change their email habits or respect your feelings about the emails, if you don't communicate what you're thinking/feeling to them!
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    Jan 23, 2010 2:38 PM GMT
    Gaymedes saidDoes anyone else have family/ friends that continually send this crap out and how to you deal with it?

    Not quite the same situation, but when I was little some of my adult female relatives would hand me a "holy card" every time they visited our home. These were something we had in the Catholic Church, postcard size, with a saint's picture on one side, and a prayer or "devotional" on the other.

    I wasn't sure if I was supposed to drop to my knees on the spot and start praying fervently, or merely smile and thank them profusely; what I really wanted was a cookie. The card would get promptly put away in a cubby of my bedroom drop-front desk, not daring to simply trash it, because the relative might inquire about it next time she visited.

    What did they think I did: mount them in an album like baseball cards? "Oh, good, I needed a Saint Bernadette, I can put her right next to my Saint Francis of Assisi."

    But here's what you might try doing, if you're getting religious emails: send religious emails right back to them, but with a gay emphasis. You'll find pro-gay Biblical interpretations at resource sites such as this one below by Metropolitan Community Churches.

    Or more secular arguments about gay issues from PFLAG, this linked resource site designed to provide talking points with lawmakers, but could work with family, too. Or this issues link from HRC, which takes some navigating to find pamphlets in PDF form which discuss issues like gay marriage, rights, etc. HRC may not be the most effective advocacy group for us politically, but they do have good resources.

    So just shoot pro-gay stuff back to them. Either you'll convert them, or maybe they'll get the message and stop bothering you. Good Luck!

    Metropolitan Community Churches

    PFLAG Education & Programs

    HRC Issues
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    Jan 23, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    I did, I have, they come. So what you do is be up front and honest about not wanting them. Once I did they all stopped and now it's cool.
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    Jan 23, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    Anytime you're dealing with folks with those false belief systems that tend to push them into your space, you need to tell them that you don't subscribe to false belief systems, and, that, while they're free to believe in whatever malarkey they want that you don't want to hear about it. Get it out in the open. Get it settled. Stand up for yourself. Quit being such a complacent pussy.

    I tell the Mormon's and J witness folks that I'll call the police on them of soliciting and I tell the little old Baptist ladies that I don't subscribe to false belief systems and that almost always gets them to go away.

    I've told relatives the same thing, and spoken with my pot smoking buds from high school that later became ministers and told them the same thing.

    It's paramount that we keep the false belief systems in check, while retaining individuals rights. Your right to believe in malarkey STOPS at my front door.

    Much of the brain washing of false belief systems works by shunning folks who won't subscribe / tolerate it. Lay the law down, letting them know enough is enough, and if they try shunning tactics, or other brain washing methods, ignore them and upgrade to better family / friends. You simply don't need the crap they bring into your life and the sort of manipulation practices that those cults / religions / right wingers practice.

    Next email, reply: "I have NO INTEREST in hearing about this stuff. Please cease and desist sending this crap to me." and leave it at that.
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    Jan 23, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    Gaymedes saidJust for background, I have been out for since I was 19 to my family and been with my husband for 13yrs this March. My family for the most part is very accepting and we have a good relationship other than I live 10hrs away from themicon_biggrin.gif

    My issue is that they (family) send my these stupids, religious, bias emails that my liberal, tolerant self find insulting. I normally just delete them but lately my threshold for this crap is getting shallow. I know that most of them just clicks "Send to All" but really, do you really think I of all people want to even know about the existence of this particular email?! Really?!

    Anyho.......



    Does anyone else have family/ friends that continually send this crap out and how to you deal with it?


    Take it for what it's worth. They mean well. If you don't like it, one click and it's all gone. icon_smile.gif And if you don't want them to send any more, just politely say you don't want them to email these things to you, and they probably will stop. If not, don't even open it. Just delete it.

    But, just be sure you aren't sending them any of your anti religious things either. Because most likely, they don't want to hear any of that either. It's a 2 way street. Usually, if you aren't promoting your agenda to them, they will not promote their agenda to you.
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    Jan 23, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    Forward them some of Joe Solomnese's stern letters on Gay Equality. That'll learn 'em!
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    Jan 23, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    hroark91 said

    Some of this is Italian emotionalism. Sometimes I wish I was a wasp.

    .


    Really? Let's trade.
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    Jan 23, 2010 5:24 PM GMT
    Yea, this is annoying. I have family members with very, very different political and religious beliefs and they are email fanatics. I picture them on their dairy farm in North Dakota, in front of the computer, sending me Photoshopped pictures of Obama on his knees shining Sarah Palin's pumps at the airport. Seriously. Doesn't she know I live in Boston?? And don't get me started on the Come to Jesus emails.

    I delete them, I don't get into debates. My mom actually emailed back and very politely asked to be removed from that kind of mass email list, and it ended up being a shitstorm. Not worth it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    Don't think I never received one, let alone see one. But many gay and bi guys go to church anyway, not all homosexuals, and bisexuals are atheists with the light tuned off, as many are fascists & socialism too, with a false belief system that refuses to see this can never work. It bothers me more when they are at my front door. But even then I say " thank you, but no thank you." e-mail just takes a second to deal with.
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    Jan 23, 2010 6:19 PM GMT
    djdorchester said

    I delete them, I don't get into debates. My mom actually emailed back and very politely asked to be removed from that kind of mass email list, and it ended up being a shitstorm. Not worth it.



    I did get a bunch of anti-Obama stuff from my dad. He assumed because I was prior service, I'd automatically adopt the Republican point of view (I call THAT a case of the Suppose'tas).

    When his buddies started adding me to his mailing list, I replied to all of them, with references, showing them that their idiotic forwards were not true, and to please do some fact checking before they lock-step Nazi style with whomever made a funny face and cracked a political joke.

    I got three apologies and the emails stopped. I've found that not being gentle is a fantastic way to make people leave you be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2010 9:30 PM GMT
    I get a lot of these christian chain emails from my sisters. Some have apparently even went through some of my more religious friends.

    Y'know. The type that warns you that you will have bad luck for 7 years if you don't forward a picture of the virgin mary to 10 people before midnight. icon_lol.gif

    They pretty much know I'm atheist, but I don't really care if they send me those. As long as they don't force me to church or anything. I just assume I just happened to be part of the bulk sending thing they do.

    I just delete them.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    I just de-friended my sister-in-law on Facebook this last week because her xenophobic anti-immigrant horseshit was driving me insane.

    This is the second time I've done that. The first time was her "Thank You President Bush" crusade. Dumb me, I ended up feeling sorry about it the first time.

    This time I won't have such remorse.

    BTW, my other brother, the really redneck one, I haven't spoken too since 1991.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:30 AM GMT
    My personal email Id that I actually check has been given only to people I would care to listen from. Rest of the people just have my other ids, that i use for spam contact list. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:30 AM GMT

    I don't know if your email client has this feature or not, but mine has a 'bounce' option. It looks to the sender like they sent their message to a nonexistent address.

    I used it when my godfather forwarded idiotic jokes to me for weeks. When he checked to see if he had my current email address, I played dumb and told him that my spam filter seems to take out jokes with long 'forwarded to' lists. But that his emails sent to me directly from his address were fine. Problem solved.

    Best of luck.
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    Jan 24, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    jprichva saidI have a dear friend in New York who somehow got me on a right-wing Israeli newslist. I asked her several times to tell her friend (the spammer) to leave me out of it, but they kept on a-comin' until I sent the spammer an email that said, roughly, "Please keep your right-wing delusional fascist fantasies to yourself and take me the hell off your mailing list."

    That did it.


    I think it funny that some people see fascists as right wing, Hitler was so fare right he turned left, and there was little if no difference between him and Starlin. They were just computation.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 24, 2010 8:25 PM GMT
    YES!! i get tons of anti gay emails/ religious emails from family i just delete them or put them in the folder that says CRAP.
    now as a rule i delete every FWD email i get.