barebacking your man: when and under what conditions?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jan 23, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    i guess it all comes down to a matter of personal trust & confidence?
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    Jan 23, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    rnch saidi guess it all comes down to a matter of personal trust & confidence?

    Yes, and testing & timing. The HIV tests suffer from a "lag" between when a person is infected, and when the markers in the blood appear which the HIV tests detect. But in the meantime, the person is fully infected and can infect others, despite having just gotten negative results in HIV tests.

    Those results are meaningless to a sex partner unless the tested person has been 100% monogamous for 3 to 6 months since their HIV testing (with the slower methods), or as short as 3 weeks (with the newer and more expensive method).

    Therefore, you place your life in the hands of another person when you bareback. My late partner did that with his previous partner, and they both died of AIDS. My current partner also trusted his late partner, who had the guts to admit he'd cheated and gotten infected, before infecting anyone else. My partner & I remain neg.

    I trust him enough that I would bareback with him, if I barebacked at all. Actually I've always used a condom when I top for sanitary reasons, not just HIV, so it's a moot point. And I would bottom for my partner bareback if he asked me, but he doesn't.
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    Trust, maturity and honesty are key...
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:18 PM GMT
    PRMG123 saidTrust, maturity and honesty are key...

    Trust and honesty being the most important of those three...
    Jesus, there's no escaping this topic, is there?
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    Jan 23, 2010 8:21 PM GMT
    Well, said RV ... accurate, sane, genuinely delivered perspective. a good life lesson for EVERY guy reading these posts. nice job, man.

    Red_Vespa said
    rnch saidi guess it all comes down to a matter of personal trust & confidence?

    Yes, and testing & timing. The HIV tests suffer from a "lag" between when a person is infected, and when the markers in the blood appear which the HIV tests detect. But in the meantime, the person is fully infected and can infect others, despite having just gotten negative results in HIV tests.

    Those results are meaningless to a sex partner unless the tested person has been 100% monogamous for 3 to 6 months since their HIV testing (with the slower methods), or as short as 3 weeks (with the newer and more expensive method).

    Therefore, you place your life in the hands of another person when you bareback. My late partner did that with his previous partner, and they both died of AIDS. My current partner also trusted his late partner, who had the guts to admit he'd cheated and gotten infected, before infecting anyone else. My partner & I remain neg.

    I trust him enough that I would bareback with him, if I barebacked at all. Actually I've always used a condom when I top for sanitary reasons, not just HIV, so it's a moot point. And I would bottom for my partner bareback if he asked me, but he doesn't.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Jan 23, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    PRMG123 saidTrust, maturity and honesty are key...

    Trust and honesty being the most important of those three...
    Jesus, there's no escaping this topic, is there?



    Like everything on this site, it goes in circles. Think of it as education for the new guys who come to join in on the fun that is the boards icon_cool.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 23, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    rnch saidi guess it all comes down to a matter of personal trust & confidence?


    PRMG123 saidTrust, maturity and honesty are key...


    I think it's important to discuss this topic. the aforementioned are key, sure ... but ... it does also come down to the individuals involved. some like it hot ... sort of thing. I, personally, think the idea of barebacking is unoffensive ... given the conditions that you and your man have recently been tested, are exclusive, both find some element of enjoyment from the process, etc.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:08 PM GMT
    rnch saidi guess it all comes down to a matter of personal trust & confidence?


    That is a very good summation.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 23, 2010 11:14 PM GMT
    We don't. Trust is not fact and while I (and I believe he) wouldn't do anything stupid, it takes the chances to 0. It is just what we are comfortable with.

    /Obsessive compulsive? Maybe.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and have never barebacked. I trust him....but you can only go by what someone says. You cant be with them all the time. So many people trust their significant others and come up positive.

    Mistakes can happen. I dont want to pay the price for his mistake.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:41 PM GMT
    Condoms never killed anyone (excluding the allergic, I guess, or if anyone ever had one stuffed down their throat and choked or something like that).
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 23, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    McGay said... or if anyone ever had one stuffed down their throat and choked or something like that).

    Sounds like an episode of Law & Order.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    Fear is the bastard child of ignorance.
    Sex will never be simple again; of course this topic keeps rearing its ugly head. HIV/AIDS has half the world freaking out, and there appears to be a dilapidation in societal bonds as a result since everyone seems to be crocked on the idea of never having a real physical connection again or ever in some cases. This seems to be true; though less so in the straight community as well.
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said.
    Jesus, there's no escaping this topic, is there?



    Apparently NOT!
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    I usually don't take part in these threads, I'm not one to tolerate my trust in someone being questioned..

    in my last long relationship, we didn't use protection, yes there was trust between us, I don't trust people easily at all but those I do trust it's for very good reason, I trusted my partner and he never faulted and he never would have.

    I hope to find that trust again with someone one day, whether we use protection or not.
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:14 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I don't use protection but we were together about 2 years and were tested repeatedly before moving on to that.

    While there is no way to be 100% sure that he's not boning the mailroom boy on his lunch hour, I do trust him.
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    Jun 11, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    I am not a big fan for barebacking, even though you guys might be texted. You don't want to be worried about infections everytime you have sex now do you ?
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    Jun 11, 2010 7:41 PM GMT
    this is easy......NEVER
  • Thomas757

    Posts: 260

    Jun 11, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    It's good that the topic keeps coming up...there are still new infections every day. Not just worlwide, but in the US
    The CDC estimates their are more than 50,000 new infections of HIV every year. And the majority of people who are infected don't know they are living with the virus. Just like with other STDs the most common symptom is none at all.

    It just makes more sense to me to protect myself and the people I am with. so, especially as I am single, Never!