how to tell if he is into guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    So I was at a grocery store few days ago and saw a guy who just caught my eye. Eventually our eyes met and I noticed him checking me out few times too. Eventually I broke a conversation which ended in him asking for my card and exchanging phone numbers. He definitely sounded interested in me (I would like to point out that it all sounded very platonic). We were both straight acting. I do think I saw a little gay in him. We both like cooking and we talked about it.

    I was meaning to speak with him eventually after that. I texted him to check out what he is up to (who texts a guy? I thought that may send him a signal). He replied back, I made an excuse to meet for a dinner and get drink afterwards. He said he is up for it. (who meets guys one on one for dinner?)

    So we are meeting for dinner. The conundrum is, how do I tell if he is into guys? If we both are thinking what I think we are, we may just allude it completely and be only "friends", which is fine if he is not gay. If he is not into guys, I dont want to freak him out telling him that I am gay and interested in him.

    What do you guys think?
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    paparazzi66 saidSo I was at a grocery shop few days ago and saw a guy who just caught my eye. Eventually our eyes met and I noticed him checking me out few times too. Eventually I broke a conversation which ended in him asking for my card and exchanging phone numbers. He definitely sounded interested in me (I would like to point out that it all sounded very platonic). We were both straight acting. I do think it I saw a little gay in him. We both like cooking and we talked about it.

    I was meaning to speak with him eventually after that. I texted him to check out what he is up to (who texts a guy? I thought that may be a signal). He replied back, I made an excuse to meet for dinner and get drink afterwards. He said he is up for it. (who meets guys one on one for dinner?)

    So we are meeting for dinner. The conundrum is, how do I tell if he is into guys? If we both are thinking what I think we are, we may just allude it completely and be only "friends", which is fine if he is not gay. If he is not into guys, I dont want to freak him out telling him that I am gay and interested in him.

    What do you guys think?


    He's going on a date with you. Do you need it to smack you in the head?
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    I had a situation similar to this happen to me ...

    Went to a meditation class and started chatting up with a cute guy afterwards. He was very friendly and we exchanged numbers. Sometime later, we texted and found a time to meet up for coffee. We had a nice conversation and I found out he was new to town, wanted to make friends, and was not gay, in that order. So I was disappointed cuz my friend who went with me to the class was sure the guy was gay, but things were cool.

    My advice is just to be friendly as you were before, talk about things you have in common (sounds like at least cooking for you, for me it was the meditation). The conversation will eventually go there since it's on your mind, but you don't have to push it. Odds are with enough talking and trust, he'll be cool with it, unless you get a red flag from talking to him.

    Best of luck!
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    Jan 24, 2010 12:50 AM GMT
    Here's a simple test: when you're together cooking, make sure there's a bottle of poppers somewhere in the area where he is sure to see it. If he notices it and does or says something that tells you he KNOWS what it is - say, a knowing look and a smile, or a remark like "Hey, you like poppers too?" then you know he's Gay. If he sees the bottle and DOESN'T say anything, you may need a stronger hint. Leave a DVD copy of IN & OUT or TO WONG FU on a coffee table or somewhere he can spot it. If he reacts favorably, you know he's probably Gay. If not, you can always resort to asking him, after maybe a glass of wine.
    Alcohol, in moderation, is a social lubricant.

    After all that, if he does not seem to get the hint, he's either not Gay, or not into you, or very callow and naive.

    Once, many years ago, I met this cute young guy on the bus, and the sparks were immediate. We exchanged numbers and talked later that night. I asked him if he was Gay, and he reacted with a vehement "No!" But he did say he'd love to come over for a visit soon, and I said OK.

    He comes over, and we're sitting on my bed smoking some pot, and I ask him if he would like to "shotgun" it with me, as a sneaky way of seeing how he reacted to kissing. Shotgunning, in this case, was me taking a HUGE hit of smoke, and then basically giving it to him, mouth-to-mouth, full lip contact. The first two hits, he simply took it in. On the third hit, just before I put my lips on his (He had the most thick, kissable Black lips I'd ever seen! Lips like that African boy who tried to bomb the plane last Christmas, real pretty.) he kind of smirked a little, and as I finished blowing the smoke into his mouth, I simply stayed there, lips-to-lips. A second or two passed, and I feel a slight touch of his tongue on my upper lip! I let my tongue respond the same, and suddenly he shoves his tongue DOWN MY THROAT! We didn't come up for air for 20 minutes. He remains the BEST kisser I've ever known.

    We stayed lovers for 7 years!

    Best of luck to you!
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    My impressions are that this sounds good for you............he'll meet for dinner and drinks. Not many straight guys will want to have dinner with another straight guy for no good reason (they usually do that only for business or on the way to a game, etc.) So during the dinner, go ahead and keeping talking about things you have in common, like the cooking that you mentioned. See if his eyes give you some clues. Be aware of the vibes you're bound to pick up. If you feel like sending a gay vibe his way - try this: While he is talking just give him a warm look with your eyes, and then drop you gaze to his lips - and right back up to his eyes. Nod a bit when appropriate, and be open and agreeable. If it so happens that your knees touch under the table - see if he recoils or leaves his knee in place.

    As the dinner progresses, you'll know what to suggest for after dinner. Maybe there is a quiet spot in your city with an intimate place for an after dinner drink.......maybe a soft piano and base combo. Have a glass of B&B or Amaretto - maybe some Chambord. See how it goes......maybe there will be a chance for a brief touch on the shoulder or arm. See if his eyes sparkle a bit when your eyes meet. Decide where you'll go afterward.

    Just in case things go well, leave your place spotless - with some low lighting on - some candles ready with matches close by. Have clean sheets and soft tunes ready to start and something good for breakfast........and some cut fruit or something lite for "afterward" when you're both ready for a break and something refreshing.

    Good luck - and have a ball.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    Jockbod, you sound like a man who knows how to show another man a very classy, elegant time!

    I could learn a thing or two from you!
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidMy impressions are that this sounds good for you............he'll meet for dinner and drinks. Not many straight guys will want to have dinner with another straight guy for no good reason (they usually do that only for business or on the way to a game, etc.) So during the dinner, go ahead and keeping talking about things you have in common, like the cooking that you mentioned. See if his eyes give you some clues. Be aware of the vibes you're bound to pick up. If you feel like sending a gay vibe his way - try this: While he is talking just give him a warm look with your eyes, and then drop you gaze to his lips - and right back up to his eyes. Nod a bit when appropriate, and be open and agreeable. If it so happens that your knees touch under the table - see if he recoils or leaves his knee in place.

    As the dinner progresses, you'll know what to suggest for after dinner. Maybe there is a quiet spot in your city with an intimate place for an after dinner drink.......maybe a soft piano and base combo. Have a glass of B&B or Amaretto - maybe some Chambord. See how it goes......maybe there will be a chance for a brief touch on the shoulder or arm. See if his eyes sparkle a bit when your eyes meet. Decide where you'll go afterward.

    Just in case things go well, leave your place spotless - with some low lighting on - some candles ready with matches close by. Have clean sheets and soft tunes ready to start and something good for breakfast........and some cut fruit or something lite for "afterward" when you're both ready for a break and something refreshing.

    Good luck - and have a ball.

    icon_cool.gif


    damn I can tell u have seduced a man or two... i think you just go me in the sack...
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:19 AM GMT
    paparazzi66 saidSo I was at a grocery shop few days ago and saw a guy who just caught my eye. Eventually our eyes met and I noticed him checking me out few times too. Eventually I broke a conversation which ended in him asking for my card and exchanging phone numbers. He definitely sounded interested in me (I would like to point out that it all sounded very platonic). We were both straight acting. I do think it I saw a little gay in him. We both like cooking and we talked about it.

    I was meaning to speak with him eventually after that. I texted him to check out what he is up to (who texts a guy? I thought that may be a signal). He replied back, I made an excuse to meet for dinner and get drink afterwards. He said he is up for it. (who meets guys one on one for dinner?)

    So we are meeting for dinner. The conundrum is, how do I tell if he is into guys? If we both are thinking what I think we are, we may just allude it completely and be only "friends", which is fine if he is not gay. If he is not into guys, I dont want to freak him out telling him that I am gay and interested in him.

    What do you guys think?


    The best thing is to just come out and ask him if he is gay. If he says no, he will not be upset that you asked. And if he is, then you know what to do next. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    I have gone out with a guy for dinner before and he was not gay. He was just a friend of mine and we went out to eat.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Jesus people, is it 1970? Tell the guy that you're gay and hoping that he is too. If he is, great. If he's not, move on.

    It's amazing the amount of time and energy people will devote to something that can be simply dealt with by making a simple statement or asking a simple question.
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    Jan 24, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    badmikeyt saidJesus people, is it 1970? Tell the guy that you're gay ....


    Hahaha no doubt Badmikey. I'd say probably 80+% of all the guys I've met in "non-gay" areas with whom I have later texted, gone to dinner, or a movie with, have been straight. But before you move on, give the guy a chance. some of my best and closest friends were some of those straight guys.
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    Jan 24, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    uh, straight guys do not meet up for dinner. A pizza? maybe.
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    Jan 24, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidMy impressions are that this sounds good for you............he'll meet for dinner and drinks. Not many straight guys will want to have dinner with another straight guy for no good reason (they usually do that only for business or on the way to a game, etc.) So during the dinner, go ahead and keeping talking about things you have in common, like the cooking that you mentioned. See if his eyes give you some clues. Be aware of the vibes you're bound to pick up. If you feel like sending a gay vibe his way - try this: While he is talking just give him a warm look with your eyes, and then drop you gaze to his lips - and right back up to his eyes. Nod a bit when appropriate, and be open and agreeable. If it so happens that your knees touch under the table - see if he recoils or leaves his knee in place.

    As the dinner progresses, you'll know what to suggest for after dinner. Maybe there is a quiet spot in your city with an intimate place for an after dinner drink.......maybe a soft piano and base combo. Have a glass of B&B or Amaretto - maybe some Chambord. See how it goes......maybe there will be a chance for a brief touch on the shoulder or arm. See if his eyes sparkle a bit when your eyes meet. Decide where you'll go afterward.

    Just in case things go well, leave your place spotless - with some low lighting on - some candles ready with matches close by. Have clean sheets and soft tunes ready to start and something good for breakfast........and some cut fruit or something lite for "afterward" when you're both ready for a break and something refreshing.

    Good luck - and have a ball.

    icon_cool.gif


    I have to say - this is THE most specific answer I have ever seen on these boards. I mean right down to the kind of supper club / drinks place, and even what to drink! The Sade song "Smooth Operator" comes to mind . . . icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 24, 2010 4:30 AM GMT
    Oh yeah, and straight guys go to dinner together now. It's 2010, and it's okay now. Some straight guys go to dinner with GAY guys even!
  • NyRuinz

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    Jan 24, 2010 4:39 AM GMT
    badmikeyt saidJesus people, is it 1970? Tell the guy that you're gay and hoping that he is too. If he is, great. If he's not, move on.

    It's amazing the amount of time and energy people will devote to something that can be simply dealt with by making a simple statement or asking a simple question.


    Maybe the Op is a little shy relax, if he has the time and energy to move at a slower pace, by all means let him. Based on what you stated, it sounds like you two are basically planning on going on a date, and I don't know what straight guys go on dates.
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    Jan 24, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    It's very easy to tell if your target is into guys. First cut a 3-inch or longer patch of hair from his head (if his head if bald, then go for pubic hair that is at least 1/2 inch), wash it with shampoo, rinse it, and apply conditioner. Grab the patch and let it sit on a container full of bleach for 2 nights. After that, then spray it with a mix of ammonia and chloroform and sniff a few times. If you're standing conscious after at least 5 consecutive attempts within a 15 second interval, then you've got your guy! icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 24, 2010 4:50 AM GMT
    Yeah I agree with the above posts... if he's going to dinner with another straight dude just because.. he definitely has to be thinking "this fella is hot". So good luck, be yourself, have fun and hope you end up cooking up some hawt gai butt secks icon_biggrin.gif lol
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies guys. I am back from dinner. We spent 4.5 hours hanging out together, but alas, it has left me with no clue. As far as I can tell he seems straight. He asked me questions about getting married and talked about his 2 ex-girlfriends. From all his interests, he seems gay, or bi at least, but he does not take any gay leads. I forgot to mention a very important point in my original post. He is from out of town and just moved here and looking for friends.

    We had dinner, and most of the talk was on personal interests. I gave him the "gay" stares, to which he responded with either neutral or blushing expression. Then we went to a bar and the same thing happened. We have a lot in common and we will be hanging out together soon. I didnt try any of the other (for ex. knee touching) techniques since I just read them and they sound too assertive.

    All in all, I got mixed hints. When I told him I could come for a movie that we both like, he said may be bring your friends too. When I talked about why he is not dating anyone, he never mentioned "girl" in anything he said. He kept saying "person" as if to avoid saying what sex he wants to date.

    ps: we were both so drunk and I find him so hot I cant resist touching him. damn it.
  • cbrock

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    Jan 24, 2010 6:20 AM GMT
    I could simply ask him. I know it's kind of an awkward thing to bring up in conversation. But, If you word it right, he won't be offended. And, at least, you'll finally know.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:30 AM GMT
    yea just ask icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:46 AM GMT
    I could cut the sexual frustration with a knife!!

    I too suggest leaving poppers and gay porn DVDs out, haha.

  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 24, 2010 6:50 AM GMT
    Outside of the film I Love You Man, I don't think a straight man would go out to dinner with a complete stranger they "picked up" at a grocery store. Certainly not for 4+ hours.

    Speaking of 4+ hours, if you've already spent that much time together, and are making more plans, he at the very least likes you as a friend and will probably not care if you tell him you're gay.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:55 AM GMT
    sexylatinboi saidI could cut the sexual frustration with a knife!!

    I too suggest leaving poppers and gay porn DVDs out, haha.



    lmfao!!!....

    Sorry no helpful hints from me other than just be "straight" up with him about being gay but no need to tell him that you're interested unless it gets t that point.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:59 AM GMT
    AvecAntonio said
    sexylatinboi saidI could cut the sexual frustration with a knife!!

    I too suggest leaving poppers and gay porn DVDs out, haha.



    lmfao!!!....

    Sorry no helpful hints from me other than just be "straight" up with him about being gay but no need to tell him that you're interested unless it gets t that point.


    What's poppers got to do with guys liking guys? Do they not work on 'straight' people?
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 24, 2010 7:04 AM GMT
    The poppers suggestion was a joke I think. Plus, it's kind of outdated. Unless you're taking him a bathhouse in 1975.