What is WITH this guy..?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    I just had to get this off my chest before I went to bed.

    Met this guy online a couple of months ago, met in person and we decided we'd be friends, he seemed nice and keen to hang out a lot, but the only thing that annoyed me was that his sense of humour was to tease me... like, mean teasing, emotional bashing, to the point where I had no more comebacks. At first I thought it might be flirting, but then it started getting annoying.

    One night I went off at him after he wouldn't stop dissing me, he said sorry via text and I messaged saying I didn't like being berated, I'd need some time to forget about it and I'd like to be friends down the track. A month later, I try to message to see if he wants to catch up. No response. Haven't seen him online since either. Finally thought to check his facebook tonight and voila he's nowhere to be found on my friend list.

    I have no idea what I've done to get this kind of reaction. What do you boys think?
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    Jan 24, 2010 3:51 PM GMT
    roundhouse saidI just had to get this off my chest before I went to bed.

    Met this guy online a couple of months ago, met in person and we decided we'd be friends, he seemed nice and keen to hang out a lot, but the only thing that annoyed me was that his sense of humour was to tease me... like, mean teasing, emotional bashing, to the point where I had no more comebacks. At first I thought it might be flirting, but then it started getting annoying.

    One night I went off at him after he wouldn't stop dissing me, he said sorry via text and I messaged saying I didn't like being berated, I'd need some time to forget about it and I'd like to be friends down the track. A month later, I try to message to see if he wants to catch up. No response. Haven't seen him online since either. Finally thought to check his facebook tonight and voila he's nowhere to be found on my friend list.

    I have no idea what I've done to get this kind of reaction. What do you boys think?


    I've met people who seem to want to play alphamale and belittle you as part of their friendships. The first thing you need to do is put your hand out and say STOP when you notice it happening, and kindly set the record straight that you don't let people treat you like that.

    You know what, scratch that. I'd say if he did it a lot on the first date, consider it valuable information, and dump him. Good people won't even think of treating you like that.
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    Jan 24, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    I've known people like this. Good riddance, I say. Don't look back or waste any more of your time.

    There are loads of really nice people out there, too.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:08 PM GMT
    Yeah, you're better off without him. People who do that do it because they have such a low opinion of themselves that the only way they can deal with it is to make others feel smaller then themselves. Someone who truly cares for you would help you feel good about yourself, not the other way around just because they think it's fun.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:16 PM GMT
    He sounds immature. I will add that a month to recoup seems a little long. A week or two but 4?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:16 PM GMT
    roundhouse saidI just had to get this off my chest before I went to bed.

    Met this guy online a couple of months ago, met in person and we decided we'd be friends, he seemed nice and keen to hang out a lot, but the only thing that annoyed me was that his sense of humour was to tease me... like, mean teasing, emotional bashing, to the point where I had no more comebacks. At first I thought it might be flirting, but then it started getting annoying.

    One night I went off at him after he wouldn't stop dissing me, he said sorry via text and I messaged saying I didn't like being berated, I'd need some time to forget about it and I'd like to be friends down the track. A month later, I try to message to see if he wants to catch up. No response. Haven't seen him online since either. Finally thought to check his facebook tonight and voila he's nowhere to be found on my friend list.

    I have no idea what I've done to get this kind of reaction. What do you boys think?


    Thank GOD you stood up for yourself!

    BULLIES don't know how to react when they finally get the situation reversed on them and like your former acquaintance...usually back down and disappear....you have nothing to feel bad about and no reason to give this a second thought. You are far more kind and forgiving than I would be. I can take a few "good-natured" jabs from friends and family, but even that will wear thin quickly....Take Care and get some more friends!
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    Jan 24, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    roundhouse said What do you boys think?

    Good riddance. Using put-downs from the beginning is not a good sign. Now I love put-down humor myself, that was SOP for us in the US Army. It was our way of diffusing the aggression when you threw all those alpha-males together.

    But it's only acceptable when both guys are alphas, who can dish it right back as well as take it, both have a laugh together. When I meet a new guy (now just for friendship purposes, being partnered again) I don't do the put-down stuff for a while. I wait to see what his own style is, what he likes, what he doesn't like.

    I had one BF who couldn't handle put-down humor, I think because he was insecure, and not good at come-backs. But whatever the reason, I respected his feelings and dropped the friendly put-downs I'd usually do.

    Not to his taste, fine; I have other methods at my disposal. In his case it was compliments, he really almost begged for them, and that was also fine with me, so long as they weren't hollow. He had lots of real strengths & accomplishments, and I was glad to acknowledge them, without having to make stuff up. Maybe in so doing I helped his self-confidence a little.

    The first and most important rule in any relationship is that it's not all about YOU. The more you focus on your man and less about yourself the better things will be. Of course, you've both got to do that equally, and knowing when you're being played for a sucker is also crucial, but that's a lesson for another time. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies. I knew there was something off with him, just never thought it'd end so quasi-dramatically. Some great lessons to be learnt x
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    You did not have to put up with that type of abuse, it's bullying, it is better that he is out of your life.
  • curve

    Posts: 668

    Jan 25, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    roundhouse saidThanks for all the replies. I knew there was something off with him, just never thought it'd end so quasi-dramatically. Some great lessons to be learnt x


    drop hi, forget about him, don't waste your time. you derserve better
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    I am in the camp who finds this type of behavior insufferable. Not to overgeneralize, but I find this kind of shit happens a lot in the gay community. Not sure if it's because it's mostly men and men do this adolescent BS or if it's because of the more likely culprit - projecting insecurities.

    At any rate, I write off these types of "JKG's" ("Just Kidding Gays") almost immediately. If we've just met and you feel it's appropriate to start slinging shit at me, go make friends elsewhere. It's highly annoying.

    If you find yourself having to say "Just Kidding" often, knock it the fuck off. Ellen had a great bit on this:

    Friend: "Great hair cut.. hope you didn't pay for it! I'm just kidding."

    Ellen: "Really? Then you don't know how to kid properly - we should both be laughing."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:51 AM GMT
    You stood up for yourself, this guy (who sounds like a jerk anyway) didn't like it, and has ceased being in your life. You are....upset by this? Be happy that his negativity isn't in your life anymore and move on. This says more about him than you.
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    I cant imagine why he would leave after you told him to buzz off. ... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    Move on, he is not worth the time and energy. Not even for being friends.
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    Jan 25, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 saidYou stood up for yourself, this guy (who sounds like a jerk anyway) didn't like it, and has ceased being in your life. You are....upset by this? Be happy that his negativity isn't in your life anymore and move on. This says more about him than you.


    Well... there's also the fact that we go to the same University. We take the same course so there's a pretty high chance I'll see him around campus. Ugh
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Jan 25, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    You've done nothing wrong. But congratulate you for what you've done what's right for you. People shouldn't be surrounded by negativity; enjoy the peace that you gained.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 25, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    I think you're crazy !
    Are you so desperate for "friends" that you want to get together with somebody who does nothing but tear you down ?
    People don't change.
    That's the way this guy is.
    You did exactly the right thing in the first place.
    Since you refused to put up with his psychotic behavior, he's moved on to tearing down somebody else.
    Count your blessings.
  • RedCedar

    Posts: 42

    Jan 25, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    ^-- Amen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    Your better off without him!

    No one needs to be mistreated, don't be upset if he deleted you off facebook, you can find other guys just as sure as you found him!
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jan 25, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    Sugar, you dont need him around.
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Jan 25, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    Pretty much agree with thread. I like wit and banter just fine, but when everything you say is sarcastic and insulting it's a little much, right? I'm trying to have a conversation, not help you enact a comedy skit.

    I knew a guy like this, though he peppered his ridiculing me around his friends with liberal amounts of "your mom" and "that's what she said." I got fed up with it pretty quick and stopped talking to him. To this day, he ponders aloud on myspace status updates why he is so lonely. icon_rolleyes.gif

  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 25, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidSugar, you dont need him around.



    totaly agree

    do the hair flip too,,,,,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    been there done that. Let's say " hell with him and move on"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI think you're crazy !
    Are you so desperate for "friends" that you want to get together with somebody who does nothing but tear you down ?


    I like this!


    WILDCARD73 said
    JP85257 saidSugar, you dont need him around.



    totaly agree

    do the hair flip too,,,,,


    Haha, will have to try this on the b*** next time, got the fringe to do it too ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    Well we should hear BOTH sides of the story before making an accurate assumption, but...

    I think you're being too dramatic and he was over it. He wants to play and joke around and you're too emotional to take it. He probably found some other guy that he can enjoy those things with and that will play along and is over you.

    Oneday, He may get bored and randomly text you or something to hang out...

    Like me and my best friend, we always make fun of each other and joke around. You just need to calm down and play back with him, not get all emotional and cry in the corner...

    based on this:

    "I'd need some time to forget about it and I'd like to be friends down the track"

    I would have stopped talking to you too. Acting as if I was in his shoes, I'd think:

    "Is this Bi*** joking? They think they are that worthy where they will take a break from me and keep me waiting HAHA... I'm over it."

    -- DELETE --

    basically what happened to you