time4truth saidI'm a 19 yo college student who is still in the closet and I've had somewhat of a realization of how sick I am of being in the closet! I have been lying to my friends and family for far too long and now that i'm in college i realize that my new friendships that i have created have been not completely truthful.
I hate when people lie to me and I don't want to lie to anyone else.
So here's my plan:
I want to be out before the end of this Spring 2010 semester to my direct family and closest friends at the very least.
I was wondering if anyone had suggestions on how i should do it?
also if anyone has suggestions on books and literature for my parents and family and friends to read about dealing with this change. I want to be as prepared as possible because the more prepared i am the more confidence i'll have!
Help me out guys!
Hey, I'm glad to hear you've gotten to the point where you're realising that being in the closet is more trouble than its worth! As to how you should do it, just keep in mind that no one is going to outright have the best answer for you, because no one knows your family and friends the way you do, so take some points/ideas you like, leaving others, and don't feel that you have to do it in any particular way, as long as you get the message across right
Never come out in the middle of an argument/use your sexuality as a weapon, you want as good an environment as possible.
If possible, avoid doing it when people are in a rush/have something pressing to do, you want to make sure there is time for them to ask questions if they feel they want to.
Following from above, be prepared to answer questions if they arise, perhaps think of some questions that might come up, and how you would respond to them (REALLY common one I've found is 'how long have you known'). Also remember that you have had quite some time to get used to your sexuality, so don't get frustrated/angry if they ask some questions which to you sound quite ignorant, but try to help them to understand where you're coming from. Remind them that you are the exact same person now as you were 5 minutes ago, they just know more about you.
In the order in which you tell people, consider that once its out to some people, the knowledge may spread faster than you would have thought.
If you think there is a real possibility it may not go well at all, have something reasonably certain that you can fall back on, whether thats money, friends, relatives.
As to your question about stuff your friends and family can read if they want, PFLAG last time I checked had a pamphlet on their website that you may want to print of and leave for them to read if they dont feel comfortable talking to you about it right away or if they want more information. Make sure you read it too just to get an idea of what it says. There is also more than likely PFLAG groups in your area they could visit to talk to others/phone numbers they could call.
As to suggestions on the actual HOW, maybe I'll just tell you how I did it and you can take from it what you will. I came out to a friend first, he himself had told me he was bi (at the time) so I thought it was pretty safe. With the exclusion of two people, I told my closer friends about it over messenger, it felt easier that way, an its liberating to just force yourself to hit the enter button and then have no control over it. I phrased it as "would it surprise you to learn that I am gay," i think in most cases it got them to think about it and really the signs were there (I came out 2008, and had never shown the slightest interest in a girl). They took it well, don't let anyone bag out using a written medium to tell people if thats what works for you, but be aware of the pitfalls (i.e. not knowing if the person received it/read it).
All my immediate family I told face to face, asked to talk to them for a second (wasn't at the same time) told them I wanted them to know, but up until now I hadn't been ready to say it etc. I made the mistake of telling mum that I 'thought' I was gay, which, if you are pretty sure that you are, i would definately avoid, she held onto that uncertainty for months. Practicing what you are going to say infront of a mirror can help, and psych you up, cause once you get there it can be pretty nervewracking.
Anyways, after I had told everyone I immediately wanted to know, either in person or by messages, I changed the status on facebook to interested in:men for anyone who really wanted to know, and at that point the big part of it was really done.
But yea, sorry for the long response, best of luck, and remember, do what is right for you, not what others think is right.