"Safe & Comfortable" vs. "Hot & Heavy"

  • aat72

    Posts: 6

    Jan 25, 2010 4:57 PM GMT

    So I've been wondering, when in a relationship or dating which would you rather have your partner/Boyfriend tell you. That you make them feel Relaxed, Safe & comfartable, or that they get you all Excited, Hot & Bothered.

    I guess it all depends with where you are in your life, and possibly age. I've felt that in most relationships "Safe & Comfortable" is the kiss of death...basically it means Boring. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of relationships that both people are "Hot & Bothered" fizzle out as soon as they start. What would make you feel the best about your relationship?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    You can have both.

    I know I do with the guy I'm seeing right now. Just because I feel completely safe around him doesn't mean I don't also feel the urge to rip his clothes off and get us all sweaty having my way with him.
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    Jan 25, 2010 6:51 PM GMT
    Relaxed, Safe and Comfortable hands down. I've been excited hot and bothered but not satisfied or safe. When you feel relaxed safe and comfortable, the excited hot and bothered seems even hotter and has more lasting power.
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    Jan 25, 2010 7:09 PM GMT
    If I had to choose I'd rather have safe and comfortable, but I feel like its possible to have your man make you feel safe/comfortable but still have him get you hot and bothered. After all if I'm comfortable with a guy and its just us, I'm gonna walk around the house naked, I'm gonna feel completely comfortable getting it on where ever we find ourselves. The more comfortable I am with a guy the more I'm gonna let him know when I'm getting hot and bothered.
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    Jan 25, 2010 7:18 PM GMT
    Geez ... at this point I'll take either

    In the long run - feeling "Safe and Comfortable" green lights "Hot and Heavy" for me.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 25, 2010 7:24 PM GMT
    GwgTrunks saidYou can have both.

    I know I do with the guy I'm seeing right now. Just because I feel completely safe around him doesn't mean I don't also feel the urge to rip his clothes off and get us all sweaty having my way with him.
    i'm pleased to find myself in the same type of relationship right now! icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 25, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    For me it has to be both. Since I've been in relationships or long-term dated both of these individually. Experience has shown that when only one of the pairs is present then:

    "Safe & Comfortable"
    eventually becomes dull and sedentary.

    "Hot & Heavy"
    tends be and remain crazy and unpredictable or immature and irresponsible (and not in a good way.)


  • aat72

    Posts: 6

    Jan 25, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    Well Obviously it would be awesome to have both! I figured many would say that. That would be the best of both worlds, but I've seen more often than not, it seems to be one or the other. I guess when it's both, that's when you know you really have something special.

    I just feel that usually we all tend to go for the "Hot & Bothered" Instant gratification route, because it's the more exciting and tends have less "work" involved in it.

    Personally, as much fun as "Hot & Bothered" can be, it's the "Safe & Comfortable" that would win it in the end. I'm glad to see most would agree.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    BOTH
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    Jan 25, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    I would say both. Being safe and comfortable with someone is always important in a relationship and if you were attracted to them in the first place then the hot and heavy is an added bonus! icon_smile.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 25, 2010 9:54 PM GMT
    I'll take safe without the comfortable. All the positive connotations I can think of for "comfortable" fall under safe. All the negative ones sound like taking the other for granted, and that's the death of intimacy, much less passion.
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    Jan 25, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    drypin saidI'll take safe without the comfortable. All the positive connotations I can think of for "comfortable" fall under safe. All the negative ones sound like taking the other for granted, and that's the death of intimacy, much less passion.



    I see where you get the negative connotation of "comfortable." It can also mean comfortable enough to tell each other embarrassing things without hesitation, comfortable enough to be openly emotional, take a piss in the same urinal icon_eek.gif or whatever. I feel safe and comfy with my guy. And he also drives me crazy sexually. grrrr icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 25, 2010 10:33 PM GMT
    We were hot and bothered for 10 years. It did not fizzle out at all. Then he left me because he didn't feel safe and comfortable enough... icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 25, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidWe were hot and bothered for 10 years. It did not fizzle out at all. Then he left me because he didn't feel safe and comfortable enough... icon_confused.gif


    wow... that sucks! icon_neutral.gif Did this person explain what they were missing in the relationship and give you a chance to address it (if you wanted)? If not, that's an awfully jerky thing to do. I'm very sorry to hear that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:16 PM GMT
    I prefer to feel relaxed, safe and comfartable ...

    comFARTable?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    reppaT saidI prefer to feel relaxed, safe and comfartable ...

    comFARTable?



    hahahaha.

    I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.

    thank you.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 25, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    excited hot and bothered
    i like drama
    comfy is boring
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    A balance of the two, as with everything. I've had both and I'm still not 100% sure which works best, but like elements of both.

    And I don't think single guys who haven't been in significant (i.e. multi-year) relationships should form opinions about this topic until they're in it. It's kinda like tryng to define what hot sex is by watching porn - it's impossible to guess what is really and truly going to work for you until you're in it with someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    you cant have both?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:54 PM GMT
    I've been with my partner for 12 years now and, at this point, you can imagine that we're pretty secure about the relationship and are comfortable knowing we're there for each other. The bonus is that our sex is still hot and nasty. You can have it both ways.
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    Jan 25, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    Hotttt and Heavy!!!!!icon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gificon_twisted.gif
  • aat72

    Posts: 6

    Jan 26, 2010 3:56 AM GMT
    D'oh! I didn't even see the Typo! Pretty funny though.

    So it seems everyone wants both. Well of course we all do! What I wanted to know was if you HAD to choose...which would be better? What would you like to for your Partner/Boyfriend to think of you..."Safe & Comfortable" or "Hot & Heavy"?
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    Jan 26, 2010 4:08 AM GMT
    lol, both, of course! icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 26, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    aat72 saidD'oh! I didn't even see the Typo! Pretty funny though.

    So it seems everyone wants both. Well of course we all do! What I wanted to know was if you HAD to choose...which would be better? What would you like to for your Partner/Boyfriend to think of you..."Safe & Comfortable" or "Hot & Heavy"?


    I don't think anyone is willing to say that either would work by itself in the long-term.. so you're getting your answer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2010 6:25 AM GMT
    00000165.gif