Have you ever felt guilty about not finding someone attractive?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2010 6:40 AM GMT
    Say, for instance, they find you attractive, but you cannot reciprocate - they become dejected (and/or resentful towards you).
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    Jan 27, 2010 6:42 AM GMT
    Yeah, I've had a couple of people do that to me.

    I'm usually straight-forward with people. They get their feelings hurt, but I try to do it in a very nice way, really. It makes me feel bad every time. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 7:36 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidYeah, I've had a couple of people do that to me.

    I'm usually straight-forward with people. They get their feelings hurt, but I try to do it in a very nice way, really. It makes me feel bad every time. icon_sad.gif


    OK, so I'm not the only one.icon_cry.gif

    I usually avoid being straightforward with people when it comes to these things. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings/ego.
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    Jan 27, 2010 7:54 AM GMT
    essentialife said
    Soulasphyxi saidYeah, I've had a couple of people do that to me.

    I'm usually straight-forward with people. They get their feelings hurt, but I try to do it in a very nice way, really. It makes me feel bad every time. icon_sad.gif


    OK, so I'm not the only one.icon_cry.gif

    I usually avoid being straightforward with people when it comes to these things. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings/ego.


    I get that a lot, some people just tell it as it is not thinking about how the other person will feel. thats why i hate it when guys become body shoppers and become so shallow. But even then... the reality is, not every fish in the sea will be on my tank back home... and I do tell em [because I have had my abstract looking admirers] that i love talking to them but its just not there, without saying I have a hard time looking at them, which I dont honestly, I try to look at a nice feature off everyone.
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    Jan 27, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    Nope. Just like guys who don't find my attractive feel no guilt.
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    Is it guilt? Or is it feeling bad (empathy) out of sympathy for how you'd feel were you in his shoes? That's pretty commendable, and shows some sensitivity, as long as it doesn't control you.

    You could try 'I feel the same way about you as I do my sister' (and give a hug if you're friendly that way) as I was told a few times long long ago. It worked; there's no arguing with the finality of that statement. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    I used to, but not anymore - It's too much wear and tear, besides which, just as many people don't find me attractive.
    Anyway it only matters if the two of you are attracted to each other (crappy odds - but what the hell) and then of course, there's the infamous "timing" issue icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:24 PM GMT
    that's life !!!
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    Yes, and it sucks to be in that spot.
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:57 PM GMT
    No. I was honest with the guy, it was not difficult. He understood the situation and was thankful for my directness. I appreciate it when others are the same with me. I'd rather know how someone feels about me, even if it's not positive.
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    Jan 27, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    Pretty much most of my life. My love life has been pretty much a series of unrequited attraction. Either I'm rejected by someone I'm attracted to or I have to reject someone I'm not attracted to. I actually hate the latter more because I'm a pretty sensitive guy and I know first-hand how much the rejection hurts. For a time, I avoided even going to bars because I would always leave feeling so bad for having rejected someone(as well as being rejected). HOWEVER, I never turned someone down in a mean way. Sometimes, because of that, I unintentionally led someone on. That was mainly through not being clear enough. I've learned over the years to be clear in a kind way. It's still not easy but you don't really have an alternative. You can't just sleep with everybody who hits on you just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. I've learned through the years also that attraction is completely subjective and not personal. I don't take it personally anymore when I get rejected because there are a lot of other guys out there who think I'm hot. I assume the same thing about the guys I reject. If I turn them down, it won't be too long until someone comes into their life to chase after them.

    Basically: Above all else, treat others with kindness and respect. Treat them the way you would want to be treated.
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    Jan 27, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    NO!

    It is what it is. It's the way of the world.
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    Jan 27, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
    muscles4muscles saidPretty much most of my life. My love life has been pretty much a series of unrequited attraction. Either I'm rejected by someone I'm attracted to or I have to reject someone I'm not attracted to. I actually hate the latter more because I'm a pretty sensitive guy and I know first-hand how much the rejection hurts. For a time, I avoided even going to bars because I would always leave feeling so bad for having rejected someone(as well as being rejected). HOWEVER, I never turned someone down in a mean way. Sometimes, because of that, I unintentionally led someone on. That was mainly through not being clear enough. I've learned over the years to be clear in a kind way. It's still not easy but you don't really have an alternative. You can't just sleep with everybody who hits on you just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. I've learned through the years also that attraction is completely subjective and not personal. I don't take it personally anymore when I get rejected because there are a lot of other guys out there who think I'm hot. I assume the same thing about the guys I reject. If I turn them down, it won't be too long until someone comes into their life to chase after them.

    Basically: Above all else, treat others with kindness and respect. Treat them the way you would want to be treated.


    That's what I try to do - treat others with kindness and respect. I just dislike situations where things like attraction/relationships come into play. I hate the subjectivity of the whole thing - of demonstrating a preference for something over something else.
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    Jan 27, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    I would think it's natural to feel empathy for someone that is sad, and of course telling someone it ain't going to happen will disappoint them. But it's a short term sadness and they will get over it.

    Remind yourself they deserve to find someone who is just as passionate about them. It isn't you, so you're doing the right thing by letting them know so they can continue their search for Mr. Right.
  • kietkat

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    Jan 27, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    I appreciate honesty over anything else. A guy with true character will be honest with himself and to the people he interacts with. Why feel guilty when you're doing the right thing by acknowledging your own preferences.
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    Jan 27, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    i think its rude to tell anybody that you dont find them physically attractive(it goes both ways). I remember this girl who had a huge crush on me and one night I dropped her home and right in front of her house she told me "Im sure you dont have what it takes to kiss a woman"...I totally freaked out, didnt know what to do, I just pretended I didnt hear what she said and I started asking her questions about her best friend but my face was looking like someone who just came out of a panic room.


    Also a couple of years ago I was talking to this guy, he looked pretty cute(on pics) but I didnt show any pics of me. Then we decided to meet up but there was something wrong about this dude, his attitude was just bizarre. Finally he told me that if we meet up and he thinks Im not hot enough he'll just tell me right on my face and that I should not take it as an insult. I just loled, how can someone be so emotionally stupid? I didnt even bother to go meet the idiot.
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    Jan 27, 2010 7:40 PM GMT
    trimmedlycan saidI would think it's natural to feel empathy for someone that is sad, and of course telling someone it ain't going to happen will disappoint them. But it's a short term sadness and they will get over it.

    Remind yourself they deserve to find someone who is just as passionate about them. It isn't you, so you're doing the right thing by letting them know so they can continue their search for Mr. Right.
    This guy is on my buddy list, guys.


    Just thought I'd be proud of that. You know... claiming cool people and all. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Don;t be nasty, don;t give a nasty stink face, and you don;t have to feel guilt.
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    Jan 27, 2010 9:17 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidDon;t be nasty, don;t give a nasty stink face, and you don;t have to feel guilt.


    Well, not necessarily. I don't like letting people down and disappointing them, so that sense of guilt, I feel, will always be there. I think that's what it really comes down to - you attempt to live up to a certain standard and treat other people the way you'd like to be treated, but when it comes to your personal, intimate life, it's not really possible because things can't be equal.
  • WILDCARD73

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    Jan 27, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    god the story of my life.....
    thats why i am single!
    and sometimes once you go past the physical appearance the inside is just awefull.............icon_sad.gificon_sad.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    WILDCARD73 said
    and sometimes once you go past the physical appearance the inside is just awefull.............icon_sad.gificon_sad.gif


    I find that that's the case about 95% of the time, actually. But, there are genuinely kindhearted, generous, caring guys out there icon_wink.gif. It's an epic search!
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    Jan 27, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    no