How Many of us have been married prior to a woman...and is there a difference dating a guy who has been married prior to a woman?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I was married for 19 years to a woman...don't regret it at all as she was and still is one of my dearest friends. I do find that I tend to desire to date and hopefully find a guy that was married prior as well as there is a difference hard to describe in terms. Perhaps a knowing of his difference from womankind...a maturing of his relationship skills perhaps. May also be that he is more comfortable with intimacy and enjoys it in a different way...it's all interesting. Certainly I have noticed that prior married gay men tend to be better kissers and lovers...just my experience.
    What's yours?
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 27, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    Hmmm, only one long-ish relationship with a formerly married man. He was a good kisser and passionate lover and emotionally available guy, as you describe.

    But then I've found that in guys that have never been married as well.
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    Jan 27, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    I'm not so sure about the better kisser or more intimate part, but one thing I can say for sure is that the husband role is one that's difficult to shake. It may be pigeon-holing to some extent, but heterosexual marriages put us into different roles, the husband doing the more "manly" work, such as mowing the lawn, dealing with car or home mechanical fixes, taking out the trash. Not to mention always being the driver. A domestic gay relationship is more equal, but for those of us who have been married to women, it's kind of a weird adjustment to make, and sometimes we don't adjust at all.

    Just my thought on it. I've never really thought much about how this looks from the other side, so I'm curious what others think.

  • LuckyPierre

    Posts: 192

    Jan 27, 2010 4:38 PM GMT
    17 years to my best friend. She and were young and even though it was a non-sexual relationship we still had very strong feelings for each other. We did everything as a husband and wife would, except for sex. We were both pretty asexual for the first 10 years or so, then I started to see men on business trips and what not. I was always honest with her thru the entire marriage and we remain great friends to this day.

    I've been dating men since we split and they all say I'm a great kisser. ;)

    And as DJ said, I do tend to take on the 'husband' roles.
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    Jan 27, 2010 5:34 PM GMT
    djdorchester saidI'm not so sure about the better kisser or more intimate part, but one thing I can say for sure is that the husband role is one that's difficult to shake. It may be pigeon-holing to some extent, but heterosexual marriages put us into different roles, the husband doing the more "manly" work, such as mowing the lawn, dealing with car or home mechanical fixes, taking out the trash. Not to mention always being the driver. A domestic gay relationship is more equal, but for those of us who have been married to women, it's kind of a weird adjustment to make, and sometimes we don't adjust at all.


    You know, I'd never thought much about it...but you're entirely right here, insomuch as we tend to have trouble letting go of conventional 'manly' roles at times. I know it's been a struggle for me.

    As for being better kissers and more thoughtful lovers....oh yeaaah. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 5:44 PM GMT
    djdorchester saidI'm not so sure about the better kisser or more intimate part, but one thing I can say for sure is that the husband role is one that's difficult to shake. It may be pigeon-holing to some extent, but heterosexual marriages put us into different roles, the husband doing the more "manly" work, such as mowing the lawn, dealing with car or home mechanical fixes, taking out the trash. Not to mention always being the driver. A domestic gay relationship is more equal, but for those of us who have been married to women, it's kind of a weird adjustment to make, and sometimes we don't adjust at all.

    An interesting comment here. I agree with your observations but what I find was interesting in my marriage was that I started out this way and throughout the years I developed a love and passion for cooking and you could often find me inside preparing dinner and my ex out back mowing the grass. Perhaps this should have been a clue! LOL As for the other domestic chores, we shared equally, cleaning, laundry, caring for kids (including dirty diapers). I ended up with the mid nighttime problems (ear aches, vomiting, wet beds) only because I'm a light sleeper and the kids figured that out quickly!

    As for kissing and thoughtful lover, I definitely think it's played a big part in how I interact with guys I date. I get a lot of compliments so I guess I'm doing something right, whether it comes from being married or not, anyone's guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    I being a pure homosexual, just never had it in me to take a wife. But some of the men I get on with the most, are guys who do or who have had a wife and a kid or two, as there is a diffrence most of the time, to them, and I a pure homosexual. Yet it's the one's who have never fully 100% embraced the gay community and become all gay, that I like the most, because this is what we have in commion.
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    Jan 27, 2010 8:27 PM GMT
    I was married to a girl for 3yrs, but I don’t think that I gravitate more to one roll or the other with my last b/f it was pretty even. As for the always wanting to drive, he was pretty fem and he did nearly all the driving. So I don't think that "manly" has anything to do with it. I get told that I’m a great kisser but that’s because I like doing it so much I think.

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    Jan 27, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    No, I don't find married or formerly married guys to be better in any way. I do however, find a bias on their part in that they often perceive themselves as somehow superior for having been married. This bias can extend to those who, while never having been married to a woman, somehow find "married, str8, bi guys more desirable. Seems like internalized homophobia to me.

    I also find that married or formerly married guys are more rigid and conservative in their thinking, and less honest.
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    Jan 27, 2010 10:14 PM GMT
    Yup! I married my college sweetheart and got a beautiful daughter out of it. I found the emotional transition quite difficult going into dating men. Many guys are emotional unavailable or more focused on the physical connection. I was looking for the same physical & emotional chemistry I had with my wife. It took lots of time & patience, but I finally found it with my partner..
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 27, 2010 10:45 PM GMT
    I was married to an American lesbian women, in my effort to aquire green card illegally in USA some 25 years ago. Probably, my situation dont apply here.
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    Jan 27, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    freakofnature saidNo, I don't find married or formerly married guys to be better in any way. I do however, find a bias on their part in that they often perceive themselves as somehow superior for having been married.

    Not in my case. I feel my 2 straight marriages illustrate my stupidity, not my superiority. icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 27, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    CuriousOne saidYup! I married my college sweetheart and got a beautiful daughter out of it. I found the emotional transition quite difficult going into dating men. Many guys are emotional unavailable or more focused on the physical connection. I was looking for the same physical & emotional chemistry I had with my wife. It took lots of time & patience, but I finally found it with my partner..




    Curious One that has been my exprience as well....still being patient.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2010 11:43 PM GMT
    Well put muscletapper:

    I like the thread you created about gay men previosly married to women. I've never been married to a woman but I do find that men who have been involved with women are better in relationships. They tend to except the necessary domestic part of relationships better. As for male and female roles, that's never been an issue for me. The guys I tend to date are fairly secure as men so doing "womans work" has never need an issue because we consider it to be just "work"
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    Jan 27, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    I was married for 27 years. I do have a tendency to attempt to go after previously married guys that are now gay. In my experience of having dozens upon dozens of tricks but hardly any experience with relationships, I have found that married guys seem to be more well balanced and less dramatic.
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    Jan 27, 2010 11:47 PM GMT
    freakofnature saidNo, I don't find married or formerly married guys to be better in any way. I do however, find a bias on their part in that they often perceive themselves as somehow superior for having been married. This bias can extend to those who, while never having been married to a woman, somehow find "married, str8, bi guys more desirable. Seems like internalized homophobia to me.

    I also find that married or formerly married guys are more rigid and conservative in their thinking, and less honest.



    sorry... what? that's complete over-generalized garbage. many times the opposite is true. don't get me all worked up now. well, too late...
    icon_evil.gif
  • eualdw

    Posts: 3

    Jan 27, 2010 11:54 PM GMT
    AmHereNow said
    CuriousOne saidYup! I married my college sweetheart and got a beautiful daughter out of it. I found the emotional transition quite difficult going into dating men. Many guys are emotional unavailable or more focused on the physical connection. I was looking for the same physical & emotional chemistry I had with my wife. It took lots of time & patience, but I finally found it with my partner..




    Curious One that has been my exprience as well....still being patient.


    I married in the 60's, just stupid but felt I didn't have choice, so I married my best girl friend, we still are friends. Driving a truck let me find the men I desired, finally I too found the Physical and emotional chemistry I wanted. Love my partner of many years. A hug from him and great kisser too is one of those things, held in the eye of the beholder I perfer it from Him. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Jan 28, 2010 12:11 AM GMT
    married 31 years....am just now starting to date and get out...so not sure yet ...just looking and trying to establish myself in this new world..would love to meet someone who was previously married as there is so much more in common.....
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Jan 28, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    djdorchester saidI'm not so sure about the better kisser or more intimate part, but one thing I can say for sure is that the husband role is one that's difficult to shake. It may be pigeon-holing to some extent, but heterosexual marriages put us into different roles, the husband doing the more "manly" work, such as mowing the lawn, dealing with car or home mechanical fixes, taking out the trash. Not to mention always being the driver. A domestic gay relationship is more equal, but for those of us who have been married to women, it's kind of a weird adjustment to make, and sometimes we don't adjust at all.

    Just my thought on it. I've never really thought much about how this looks from the other side, so I'm curious what others think.

    i can't wait to adjust......icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 28, 2010 1:28 AM GMT
    freakofnature saidNo, I don't find married or formerly married guys to be better in any way. I do however, find a bias on their part in that they often perceive themselves as somehow superior for having been married. This bias can extend to those who, while never having been married to a woman, somehow find "married, str8, bi guys more desirable. Seems like internalized homophobia to me.

    I also find that married or formerly married guys are more rigid and conservative in their thinking, and less honest.


    Well since I could come under your comment, I will comment. I was born a pure homosexual, spent my whole life a pure homosexual, and will die one too! I even find it attractive in other pure homosexuals who are content with being a man, and who have not been infected by the gay community, and have many other aspects about them, than just being gay.

    Nothing internal hating about it, it's what I personally find attractive in a guy, none of the guys gay or bi I have dated have ever been gay acting, because the gay community has not devoured them, and they have not become sheep; thus not infected by all things gay. Being a pure homosexual, I'm not not attracted to thing girly, as I like my men, and too be men. Many bisexuals fit this, but not all, as some feel they need to put the rainbow flag everywhere to prove something, and I as a content person, have never had that need. But we don't need a rainbow to show our diversity. I think gay guys who feel a need to put all under one banner, lack diversity, and have issues of not loving themselves, and could never stand in the world on their own.

    There is a strength that comes from having pure acceptance of yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    I was married for 8 years and we dated for 12 years prior to the marriage. We had 3 kids together but not much sex.

    I do not feel like I'm superior because I was married. If anything I feel the opposite. I have felt somewhat stupid and foolish that I didn't have the balls to stand up for what inside I knew I was...gay.It all seemed so obvious and yet I went ahead and got married. I still can't believe someone didn't pull me aside and say "really?"

    I also don't think I take on the "manly" roles in my current 13 year relationship. I enjoy doing the inside stuff while he is out mowing the lawn or tinkering with the tractor.

    I can't really say if it has made me a better lover or not. I do know to this day, when I see my partner naked, I catch my breath and think how beautiful he and the male body body really is to me.
  • hsanz71

    Posts: 1

    Jan 28, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    I was married at once too, and I did find myself wantng to always take the lead in tasks even in bed (I had to be the top) but after my 7th year in my current 15 yr relationship it got old for my partner. It was no longer an admired quality but rather a routine that almost ended our relationship. I learned to take the back seat and even bottom ( which I learned I enjoy).

    Society along with our communities and family cultures teach us or at least taught me at a young age what our gender role should be. Is not until I broke a mold. A mold that was just to small for me, that I found I make a much better partner (someday husband) to a man rather than to a woman.

    As for the kisser part, marriage doesn't make it better, in my opinion, it the passion that is evoked by the one you are sharing the kiss that makes it a great kiss.

    These words are just my 2 cents.

    HSANZ
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Jan 28, 2010 6:55 AM GMT
    i think most of us that transitioned from women to men (and especially, those of us that did so later in life) have learned that in the gay world, relationships are much different. For myself, it's been a bit of a challenge trying to adjust to the expectations and speed with which they can seem to come and go. However, if you're wired to think a certain way, you'll probably find someone with that same mentaliy. Not to stir the pot, but I've found that a lot of the guys who've never dated women have some rather weird thoughts on what is acceptable behavior within coupledom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2010 8:43 AM GMT
    this would be my reaction:




    so no, never married, never kissed, never, never, never ... --cringes--icon_cry.gif

    there's something very scary about a self lubricating hole that bleeds for several days and doesn't die that just scares me (btw i love south park for giving me that reference ^_^ )