Need for a change of pace

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    Jan 28, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    So, I criticize people that throw their feelings out there looking for advice, act all sad in a status update, etc etc etc ... and I'm about to write one of those. D'oh.

    Just wondering what you guys do to kick start out of a malaise. I'm 32 and having one of those "What have I done with my life?" moments. Worked as a reporter for a few tv stations for over 8 years. Budget got me laid off. Took a year off work, now back in school in a program that I overestimated. Living in a great city, but working a job that kind of bores me (and doesn't pay much at all), in school for a degree that I now realize is flimsy. Meanwhile, all my friends are lawyers or have high-paying jobs in marketing or whatever, fly around the world, don't have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck (or loan to loan in my case). The jobs I've had, while fun, have always paid low.

    I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the future. I've been single for near 4 1/2 years, and while that part has its advantages, its gotten pretty darn lonely. All this kind of builds on my shoulders, to the point where I just feel like napping a few times a day.

    Ok, rant over. Promise. Just wanted to ask what you've done for a mood slump buster, and needed to get this out of my system (and I'm sure someone's gonna tee me up for saying all this on a message board, so, have at it). Thanks for reading.
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    Jan 28, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    " So, I criticize people that throw their feelings out there looking for advice, act all sad in a status update, etc etc etc ... and I'm about to write one of those. D'oh."


    ...so now you just found out it's not an act..as in acting all sad, lol.

    Turtles you are cool! Having some frustrating ennui?

    We can't assist very much here - you need to hear from single guys. They'll be along shortly, and if we can think of any good ideas for you, we'll pipe up..but for now....


    HUG!
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    Jan 28, 2010 1:28 PM GMT
    meninlove said" So, I criticize people that throw their feelings out there looking for advice, act all sad in a status update, etc etc etc ... and I'm about to write one of those. D'oh."


    ...so now you just found out it's not an act..as in acting all sad, lol.

    Turtles you are cool! Having some frustrating ennui?

    We can't assist very much here - you need to hear from single guys. They'll be along shortly, and if we can think of any good ideas for you, we'll pipe up..but for now....


    HUG!


    Thanks bud. Much appreciated.
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    Jan 28, 2010 1:35 PM GMT
    Not diminishing your issues, but eh... it's a rut. Sometimes they go on for a few years. You're only 31 and you can make changes. If you think you've turned down the wrong road, get back on track. Nothing you do in life is a waste, it's all a learning experience, you can abandon it anytime in the name of following a path that will bring you more happiness. Focus on the positives in your life, and make the changes you know you need to make. I don't mean to say I think it's easy, it's not! But forge on and do what you have to do.

    Good luck man... you seem really cool and I wish you the best!

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    Jan 28, 2010 1:39 PM GMT
    turtlesarecool said all my friends are lawyers or have high-paying jobs in marketing or whatever, fly around the world, don't have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck

    Other people's lives always seem more cool and fun than they really are. Unless you know them really intimately you don't know what the perks and money are actually costing them in human terms. Not to mention that the apparent financial security may not be all that secure.

    Take stock of your strengths and assets and find ways to make your talents and creativity work for you. Good luck.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 28, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    Some of the most important advice my Dad ever gave me after I had finished law school and was thinking about what I wanted to do.. maybe work as a
    contract negotiator with a larger corporation (Dad was the legal director of one, so...), but instead..

    He encouraged me to explore the side of myself that led to my teaching of horsemanship from high school until after law school. "develop your own business, your own situation". I decided to explore being a financial advisor and develop my own scene. I love it (except when the market is a shit)

    Whatever you do, use your creativity and build something you really find
    satisfying!
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    Jan 28, 2010 1:55 PM GMT
    Like DJ said, not to minimize your feelings at the moment, however you'll find your groove. The way I have defined it in my life is that in your life you will go through shifts/adjustments and your body and your life will adjust to those shifts, something else. something new is right around the corner. Learn about you during these shifts, what didn't work for you last time. Who didn't work for you. And where, that's been a factor for me too. As for the others, you know we all take different paths, some hit the ground running and others are a little slow on the uptake or something shifts in their lives and puts them on a different path. Just take a deep breath, enjoy your life, and roll with the punches, but look out for them, and it'll happen. Hang in the buddy!!


    This is me ROOTING for ya!
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 28, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    I know it might sound silly but there are days where I'm in a funk and I need to watch a sad movie that makes me cry... a good cry (alone) and I usually feel muuuuuuch better afterwards.
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    Jan 28, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. All good advice. This patch has just lasted a few years, and I'm a bit worn out from it. But I appreciate the kind thoughts.
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    Jan 28, 2010 10:42 PM GMT
    I live in the area. Want to hang out and gripe about grad school?

    I don;t think my degree will earn me a lot of money either. I'm trying for government. You should too. Government has offices all over the country, pays well, and you can do work that takes you all over the world too.
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    Jan 28, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    There is apart of me that is about to throw my life to the wind and see where it takes me, because of a great recent loos in my life. I feel a change coming over me, and once agin I'm gong to throw that to the wind, and see where it leeds me.

    But I suppose you have too be a free spirit to do that too.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 28, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    What do you want to do with your time? That is really the question you need to ask. Being bored and then being upset that you are doing anything kind of seems like a problem that should solve itself. What do you feel like you should be doing with your life? If you want to be a jet set lawyer, I think you can figure out the path to make that happen. If you are looking for something else, then design the path that will get you there.
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    Jan 30, 2010 6:14 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI live in the area. Want to hang out and gripe about grad school?

    I don;t think my degree will earn me a lot of money either. I'm trying for government. You should too. Government has offices all over the country, pays well, and you can do work that takes you all over the world too.


    We should. I think we'd both be master gripers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2010 6:17 AM GMT
    switch programs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    icon_confused.gif



    find someone to make love to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    . . .do some travelling . . . read some big books . . . get out of yourself . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 2:20 PM GMT
    carabin saidswitch programs


    I'm looking into that option.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jan 31, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    Honestly, it sounds like you're on the right track. You're taking this time to not only invest in yourself, but rediscover yourself.....perfect. The feeling of angst and being "lost" is understandable, but use that feeling to set some concrete goals and time lines. Changing programs, the suggestion that others have mentioned, might be something to consider.

    It's fine to compare yourself to your friends, on occasion. I really can't emphasize enough that nothing stays as it is. A few years from now you might be on top and your friends might be looking at you wondering "Where did I go wrong?". You might also be doing something you love to do, whereas they might be stuck at a job that they no longer love, only to get that paycheck. Remember, when it's your time to gloat, don't. Be thankful for what you have and be empathetic to others that don't.
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    Jan 31, 2010 3:02 PM GMT


    The discomfortable of the spot you're in may be helpful, if, as you apparently are, you take the discomfort as a single that something needs to change. In my experience, the sense of dissatisfaction and drift you've described indicated that what I am doing is no longer addressing things that really matter to me. In other words, my life is no longer in synch with my values.

    If you can do it, this might be a good time to seek out a few sessions with a life coach to help you identify the values that are most important to you and to suggest ways of then making changes in your life to move closer to living your values.

    In terms of making career or job changes that are values driven there are a few books that might help. (The key to these books is to actually do the exercises in them.):

    The Life Launch Workbook

    What Color is Your Parachute; and

    Test Drive Your Dream Job (By Brian Kurth)

    One exercise I have found very useful is to write the obituary that I would like to appear when I die (hopefully three or four decades in the future). I can then ask myself whether my current trajectory has any chance of getting me to where I would like to end up.

    Best of luck. And please let us know how things are going.
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Jan 31, 2010 4:40 PM GMT
    When you are reading a novel, there is always a little blank space between the chapters. People tend to skip over that part as quickly as they can, as if it wasn’t even there, so they can quickly get back to the story.

    If you’ve got time to nap a few times a day, you’ve also got time to stop and radically, attentively do nothing. Napping is about checking out from what’s happening. Stopping is different. What a lot of people call meditation is really a form of mental concentration. I’m not speaking about that. If you for one moment stop the dialog around who you are and what your life should look like, then all kinds of discovery becomes possible.

    Basing your sense of well being on your circumstances is dangerous because sometimes your circumstances look less than what you think they should be. Perhaps your malaise is an invitation for greater self-discovery and then from that place of insight any changes you need to make will be apparent. One possible change of pace is to stop for a moment and have no pace at all.

    When I look at your profile, I see someone who is gorgeous, talented, witty, and who wants to be a positive force in the world. You’ve got a lot to work with, and you’re going to be okay.
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    Jan 31, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    camfer said
    When I look at your profile, I see someone who is gorgeous, talented, witty, and who wants to be a positive force in the world. You’ve got a lot to work with, and you’re going to be okay.


    That's the nicest thing I've heard all year. Thank you so much. That's very, very sweet.
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    Jan 31, 2010 5:22 PM GMT
    turtlesarecool saidThanks guys. All good advice. This patch has just lasted a few years, and I'm a bit worn out from it. But I appreciate the kind thoughts.


    Sometimes it's a quick "rut" and sometimes it lasts longer. Just believe when it's over & done, it'll be AWESOME GREAT!!!
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    a1972guy said
    turtlesarecool saidThanks guys. All good advice. This patch has just lasted a few years, and I'm a bit worn out from it. But I appreciate the kind thoughts.


    Sometimes it's a quick "rut" and sometimes it lasts longer. Just believe when it's over & done, it'll be AWESOME GREAT!!!


    Well, I hope so. I'm still looking for some clarity, but this week has been more positive than the last few. Fingers crossed. All 50 of them.