Homophobic experiences, ever had any and what did you do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    I've just recently started coming out to people and needless to say, the person who has taken it the hardest is me icon_eek.gif

    So far I have encountered absolutely know abuse from any of my immediate family nor my closest friends, but I can't help but worry about what life is like for an openly gay man.

    I guess every guy gay or straight guy gets the "you're gay" insult at least once in his life but I've never really encountered any geniune homophobia, towards me or a person I knew.

    Even so I'm trying to be realistic, I know that I will always receive taunts coming out of bars or even walking through the park with by boyfriend, I'm incredably curious(and anxious) about what I might face in the future if I am openly gay, whats it been like for you?
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    Jan 29, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    I went camping with a group of gay guys, and unfortunately for us some younger 20 somethings came along and started blaring Abba music from their campsite. Thus, it gave us away to the locals.

    Anyway, I was walking back from a hike with a guy I had just met, and two guys in a truck passed down the unpaved entrance and one of them made a kissing sound and said "pretty boy" to us. I was taken aback cause I grew up in a rural town and I've gone camping all my life and hung out with all sorts of rural folk. We didn't do anything, it was just such a shock. I think they looked stupid when they realized they did not phase us.

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    Jan 29, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidI went camping with a group of gay guys, and unfortunately for us some younger 20 somethings came along and started blaring Abba music from their campsite. Thus, it gave us away to the locals.

    Anyway, I was walking back from a hike with a guy I had just met, and two guys in a truck passed down the unpaved entrance and one of them made a kissing sound and said "pretty boy" to us. I was taken aback cause I grew up in a rural town and I've gone camping all my life and hung out with all sorts of rural folk. We didn't do anything, it was just such a shock. I think they looked stupid when they realized they did not phase us.



    Well be happy you guys held your ground, I would've been too tempted to throw some abuse back their way, even though nobody was out in my school there were some effeminate kids who always got some grief from the jocks.

    This one time when I was coming out of class this new kid who looked pretty gay got an egg thrown at him and everybody laughed, although they never dared call him a queer I think everybody knew why they did it.

    However as it turned out the guy happened to do MMA and was really strong even though he didn't look it, he just walked up to the guy who did it and floored him! Still to this day I will always cheerish seeing that kid do that.
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    Jan 29, 2010 12:40 PM GMT
    Over the years, I've had slurs and beer bottles slung from fast moving cars, abuse from bike messengers in San Francisco, shoulder bumps and comments on crowded sidewalks and once, many years ago in Newport RI, I was walking with a few friends and we were cat-called by the police! One time, walking with a friend through Copley Square, a goon jumped out of his car and maced us (really put a damper on the subsequent sex.) I 've also had verbal harrassment from the odd co-worker over the years. I think outward harrassment is much, much less nowadays than when I was a younger man.

    In the old days, we didn't report because the cops didn't care or would abuse us themselves. Nowadays, I report, including that co-worker.
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    Jan 29, 2010 12:55 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that Joe52, but you and those like you are the fighters that have made it better for my generation, don't forget that. I swear I will never accept the fact that I cannot be open where ever I go, I refuse to hide away. Even abuse in San Francisco?? Thats madness! I guess I'm a dreamer, but I know one day I will be accepted society where ever I go, in the western world at leasticon_smile.gif
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:07 PM GMT
    This is from an old blog of mine, entry dated January 4, 2007:

    "Margaret Cho says that she loves the word 'faggot' because it describes her kind of guy. Well, I guess me too, but I still hate the word... especially since the neighbor called me one the other day.

    Interesting story how that came to pass: About a month and a half ago, I was walking the dog past the neighbor's house. Her car was being reposessed and was already hooked up to the tow truck. She was dragging her kid toward the car as I walked out of sight. The next thing I heard was the slamming of a car door, followed by the start of an engine, and a massive clank as she drove the car off the tow truck. She drove over her own lawn and sidewalk to the street with the kid in the backseat, fleeing the tow truck driver, and missing me and the dog by a few feet. Being a good citizen, I reported this to the police. A few weeks later, she accosted me in the street trying to "explain her side of the story." Not that I felt there was anything against me that personally motivated her to do what she did, I told her that she should discuss anything she had to say with the police and not me since anything we said to each other could hurt her case. I guess she didn't like that response because last week when I was checking the mail, she was sitting in the window with the same child she threw into the backseat of the car before she sped off like a maniac. Seeing me, she pointed at me, looked down at her own flesh and blood, and said, "See that? That thing is a faggot." Out came my cell phone and the words, "I'm calling the cops now." In response she stuck her tongue out at me, then put on her coat and drove off again with her son in tow just as the police arrived to take another report from me.

    Luckily for me, I live in a very gay-friendly town where a remark like that isn't tolerated any more than derrogatory words for people of another race. My friends and the authorities have been extremely supportive, and I am glad this is being taken seriously. But still, I find that I'm just as hurt and pissed off as I was in high school where I was called that name every day and no one in power did (or could do?) anything to stop it. Why? I have grown to love and accept who I am today - which was not the case in high school, and I am no longer in that Darwinian environment of high school where the cliques ruled with impunity. I am also surrounded with support and do not feel the aloneness that dominated me as a teenager. So why is this taking me back there emotionally? Probably because it's a despicable word, and the lady next door has no idea (and could care less) about the memories and emotional baggage I have attached to it. At least I am behaving better about it than I did in high school. I am not using myself or anyone else as a target for my anger. And best of all, I feel no shame at myself for being who/what I am nor my reaction to someone else's ignorance."
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:10 PM GMT
    Not sure how homophobic this is, but one day I was coming back from the gym, and driving up the street to find a parking spot I saw 2 cute mormon boys out on there 'mission' to talk with people.

    I was speedily going to my place to get inside as they were making their way up the street.

    Then it came my turn to be greeted by their opening..


    Me: Hi
    them: Hi

    Me: Can I help you
    them: we are from 'insert franchise church of whoever here'

    Me: Do you have cute members?
    them: Excuse me 'the not so cute one said.... the cuter one smiled'

    Me: Well He 'me pointing to the cute one' is cute, do you have more like him
    them: Excuse us.' the not so cute one turned around, and the cute one did that long, pause , dramatic stare and smiled before he turned and walked away. Following the ugly one, the ugly one had a nice ass, maybe that is what the cute one was looking at

    Me: Have a good day
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    I got harassed by a Virginia State Trooper once. It was very upsetting.
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:14 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidThis is from an old blog of mine, entry dated January 4, 2007:



    She's a lesbian and doesn't know it.
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    Jan 29, 2010 1:22 PM GMT
    I went to the 2009 gay pride event in downtown Orlando. I was with my ex, waiting for the light to change to cross the street. A preacher stood caddycorner blaring biblical passages over a loudspeaker. He was turned in our direction, seemingly speaking directly to us.
    My blood started to boil.
    While we were waiting, two homeless men walked up. One of the guys said, "you're going to hell," while the other chortled. I turned to the one man and said,"you're already there, you waste of life." He visibly sank. It hit home. But I was more guilty of a verbal bashing than he was.
    I walked away angry, and ashamed of myself.

    Then there was a co-worker who invited me out to lunch, and asked me what I thought of "brothers on the downlow." I didn't know what she meant. She watched something on Oprah one day. She went into a jag about how gay men are so predatorial, and one "corrupted a deacon in her church." I assured her that the deacon didn't do something like that against his will. She asked me if I was "sexualized" as a child. I was so insulted that I left her there, and took the bus back to work. I was too flustered to respond. I wish I were able to.

    Then there were the taunts from students and two teachers in H.S.. I stood out because I was obvious. But I look back on those kids just being kids. My gym teacher apologized, and the other was just a douche. He was a miserable man.

    But I have out for fifteen years, and I can count the bad events on one hand. The world is changing. COURAGE!
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:01 AM GMT
    Dtimshell saidI'm sorry to hear that Joe52, but you and those like you are the fighters that have made it better for my generation, don't forget that. I swear I will never accept the fact that I cannot be open where ever I go, I refuse to hide away. Even abuse in San Francisco?? Thats madness! I guess I'm a dreamer, but I know one day I will be accepted society where ever I go, in the western world at leasticon_smile.gif


    Alan Ginsberg used to say that he wished everyone Gay would turn purple for a day just so the rest of the world would get it. I grew up in the '60s so militancy was the norm although I never thought of myself as a revolutionary. Fuck. I play golf now, but then, I play it as a gay man.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Jan 30, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    Years ago, some old codger was walking down the street in one of the nicest, gayest areas of Philadelphia called Society Hill. He spotted my boyfriend and I holding hands as we walked down the street and started shouting things like "Homos! Faggots! What's wrong with you??? Sick Faggots!!"

    I replied:

    "Shut your fucking maw before I stick my cock in it."

    He was shocked and he turned the corner and walked away. icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    I've been beat up before.
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    Always fight back, even if you get the shit kicked out of you.
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    i wasnt really messed with at school cuz my older cuzin was the football quarterback and always told people to eff off for me, but the one time i got any trouble was during the pledge.

    it was great

    this guy goes "hey, r u gay?"

    and of course my only response was "why? wanna fuck?"

    and then i got sent to the office icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidI've been beat up before.


    I'm sorry. That's awful ...hug...
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jan 30, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    I don't like these stories.... icon_confused.gif

    Except this one haha

    wi2sd saidNot sure how homophobic this is, but one day I was coming back from the gym, and driving up the street to find a parking spot I saw 2 cute mormon boys out on there 'mission' to talk with people.

    I was speedily going to my place to get inside as they were making their way up the street.

    Then it came my turn to be greeted by their opening..


    Me: Hi
    them: Hi

    Me: Can I help you
    them: we are from 'insert franchise church of whoever here'

    Me: Do you have cute members?
    them: Excuse me 'the not so cute one said.... the cuter one smiled'

    Me: Well He 'me pointing to the cute one' is cute, do you have more like him
    them: Excuse us.' the not so cute one turned around, and the cute one did that long, pause , dramatic stare and smiled before he turned and walked away. Following the ugly one, the ugly one had a nice ass, maybe that is what the cute one was looking at

    Me: Have a good day
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:44 AM GMT
    I've had a few and still get them.

    The worst ones are when people who didn't know I was gay finally find out or rather figure it out and start acting weird around me.

    There's nothing I can really do and don't entertain anyone's negativity towards me. If they have questions and just wanna ask me something I'm game to answer them otherwise i go about my business.

    The many that I've dealt with the best thing I've done is just nod and smile and walk away.
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    My brother and I got in a fight tonight, he called me a "fucking faggot" and said that I was disgusting and that there wasn't a reason for me to be alive if I wasn't going to procreate. I just walked away, he's still young. But it did hit home.
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    Jan 30, 2010 3:52 AM GMT
    cdnguy35 saidMy brother and I got in a fight tonight, he called me a "fucking faggot" and said that I was disgusting and that there wasn't a reason for me to be alive if I wasn't going to procreate. I just walked away, he's still young. But it did hit home.


    I'm sorry. I'd be really hurt and pissed too. Like no talky for months
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    Jan 30, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    cdnguy35 saidMy brother and I got in a fight tonight, he called me a "fucking faggot" and said that I was disgusting and that there wasn't a reason for me to be alive if I wasn't going to procreate. I just walked away, he's still young. But it did hit home.
    You play video games.

    There are many reasons for you to live. icon_eek.gif Like talking to me about them.
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    Jan 30, 2010 4:02 AM GMT
    cdnguy35 saidMy brother and I got in a fight tonight, he called me a "fucking faggot" and said that I was disgusting and that there wasn't a reason for me to be alive if I wasn't going to procreate. I just walked away, he's still young. But it did hit home.


    Sorry to hear that. I had the same thing happen to me years ago with my brother. Forgave him, but will never forget it.

    Just remember to hold you head up high.

    Ask him what about straight people who are unable to procreate. What's their excuse?
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    Jan 30, 2010 4:17 AM GMT
    Haha thanks guys, the "no reason to live part" didn't hit home, that procreating part was kinda funny. But hearing those words coming from him are what hurt. I'm not one to hold grudges, he's young and I'm sure he didn't mean what he said, I still love him. icon_wink.gif
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Jan 30, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    Well... yes.

    The first time a kid called me gay was in preschool. From then on it was pretty constant throughout school, only ceasing after high school.

    Between each class I would have slurs yelled at me in the halls. Almost every day someone would shove me, or knock my books out of my hand, or dump water on me, etc... I still have some of the scars.

    I sat by myself at lunch, did all 'group projects' alone, and never failed to be picked last in PE. I never made one friend the entire time. There were some acquaintances but that was about it.

    When I was walking home from school one day the kids in the neighborhood decided to throw some stuff at me. Mostly basketballs, pine cones, and rocks. When I tried to tell my dad about it, he told me I was supposed to 'catch it.'

    There were two separate occasions where the police had to call my parents to inform them of 'death threats' against me made by students.

    In middle school, I went to the counselor to try to put a stop to it. After she told me the school had a so-called 'zero tolerance policy' towards sexual harassment, she questioned some of the kids I named. It was determined that I was being mean back, and so nothing was done. I kept having sessions with her, though.

    I tried hanging out with the gay crowd in high school, but they rejected me for being 'too gay.'

    So, yeah. :s
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    Jan 30, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    soulman1969 said
    cdnguy35 saidMy brother and I got in a fight tonight, he called me a "fucking faggot" and said that I was disgusting and that there wasn't a reason for me to be alive if I wasn't going to procreate. I just walked away, he's still young. But it did hit home.


    Sorry to hear that. I had the same thing happen to me years ago with my brother. Forgave him, but will never forget it.

    Just remember to hold you head up high.

    Ask him what about straight people who are unable to procreate. What's their excuse?


    The procreation arguement is pretty stupid. You can still procreate the old fashioned way if you have the interest and inclination and science has also given you lots of new options.

    Tell your dumb brother that your a desirable sperm donor so you're procreating all over the place.