How do you attract dudes you're attracted to when it seems they don't find you attractive?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    OK So I'm tired of dating the same types of guys over and over, especially when they're not the type of dude I really want to date. Basically, I've been dating preps, nerds, and geeks for the last few years - they all make great friends, and being smarter than most of my peers, I do click best with the smarter dudes.

    But that's not what I find sexually attractive. I want a dude who is either thin ripped/toned, or stocky/muscular with tatts and piercings. But I don't look like that. I'm more of a prep/nerd kind of guy, don't wear the skater gear, don't have piercings or tattoos, etc.

    So am I just trying to get something I can't have? How do I get those kinds of guys interested in me? Is intelligence too much of a turn-off that I'm screwed unless I dumb myself down? Do I have to become what I'm attracted to to attract them?

    If you're a skater/punk looking dude (not emo, that's a bit different) maybe you can tell me what you're attracted to?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    my dear, there are all sorts in this world, you'll find what you want.

    However, one thing that always works, be charming, every many on the planet likes his ego to be gently stroked, some men like something very subtle while others want something much more blatant and then there is the whole range in between.

    Also, don't be afraid to talk to the people your interested in, there seems to be this great divide between "groups", the jocks appear to stay with the jocks, preppy boys stay with preppy boys, twinkies with twinkies and so on and I've felt a massive set of eyes on me when I've walked upto a guy who's apparently "not in my group" but they have always reacted positively to me and the majority of times the guys take interest.

    there out there, there are massive men who want a twink, twinks of who bears, nerds who want dumb jocks, jocks who want the tubby and so on and so forth.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 31, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    Tank is right
    There's someone out there for everybody
    but you wanna get with the jockier type guys you gotta
    do what they like and be where they're at icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    Well not looking for a jock since I'd probably count as one, at least by looks and activities.

    And that's something else that burns me up too, it seems like some people will only respond to you if you look a certain way. Or they'll respond a certain way based on how you look, which is why I hid my pics, I want people to be honest on this one, not try to fluff me up because they think I'm cute or whatever.

    I don't know, just kind of burnt out, tired of being blown off by guys for whatever reason, guys are too damn superficial and too damn tough to figure out most times.

    Granted I know I described what I'm after in terms of looks, but I also like the attitude of skater/punk type dudes, they tend to be more masculine, independent, defiant, and less concerned about "fitting in" like your jocks, preps, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    Learn how to skate. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    Heh, so this preppy lookin dude goes up to a skate park and says "Hey, can one of you guys teach me to skate?"

    I don't think that'd work out all that well. Besides, don't think there are any skate parks around here anyway.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 01, 2010 12:07 AM GMT
    Simply find out what their interests are...and develop them as your own, so that you have something in common to start with. It could be sports, music, many things....but you have to find out what they like and are interested in first. Believe me, this has worked for me concerning straight guys as well as gay.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 12:14 AM GMT
    Yeah, but if they don't even respond to my emails, how am I supposed to find out more about them? If I'm lucky a dude I like has stuff on his profile, but usually I have to ask questions, which I don't mind, conversation is a great dying art.

    But if I can't even get them to talk to me, no way to find out what they like. I can only assume that they are so intimidated by me or feel like I'm out of their league or something. Whether that's true or not I don't know since they never talk to me.

    Of course, this happens with other types of guys too even if I'm just being friendly with them, no response. I don''t think I come off as an ass or that they are beneath me or something, at least I hope I don't. But again, I have no idea how I come across because I get no responses.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 01, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    BiLoganOllie saidYeah, but if they don't even respond to my emails, how am I supposed to find out more about them? If I'm lucky a dude I like has stuff on his profile, but usually I have to ask questions, which I don't mind, conversation is a great dying art.

    But if I can't even get them to talk to me, no way to find out what they like. I can only assume that they are so intimidated by me or feel like I'm out of their league or something. Whether that's true or not I don't know since they never talk to me.

    Of course, this happens with other types of guys too even if I'm just being friendly with them, no response. I don''t think I come off as an ass or that they are beneath me or something, at least I hope I don't. But again, I have no idea how I come across because I get no responses.



    E-mails???...I somehow thought that you had spent time with these guys in person. Online friendships are always a bit more difficult. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    Nah, trying to eventually get to the in person part.

    I don't know, maybe it's just a waste of time and I should just accept that all I can date are preps and nerds unless I make myself into whatever it is they find attractive.

    Just dating the same types of guys gets so boring, like having the same ice cream every day. Maybe today I want mint chocolate chip instead of vanilla dammit!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    that's it, work yourself up to the various types.
    just be pragmatic : only get enough muscle so jocks will actually notice you, but not so much you couldn't pass as nerdy geek anymore ( dress accordingly ) .
    tattoos, well maybe have some that show only if you take your shirt off, for the same reasons.
    if you need to learn skateboarding, bah go ahead, but skaters ( and esp. GAY ones ) are such a small minority, is it worth the bother?

    otherwise, go with the recent RJ thread : just go for Good Enough.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    Stop being picky
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Feb 01, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    I thought this was regarding in-person attempts at dating, rather than online, until I saw you discussing e-mails. If are seriously trying to get responses, then I suggest unlocking your pictures.

    I know you are concerned about guys not looking past your looks, but I'm sure you have been able to separate the wheat from the chaff in your personal relationships, so you should be able to do the same when it comes to forming them online. But if you strongly believe that you can hold out on revealing your picture until you make a connection, more power to you. However do realize it's unfairly one-sided because here you are admiring "thin ripped/tone, or stocky/muscular with tatts and piercing" pictures, while the other guys has nothing to look at. Fair? I dunno...

    And it's not necessary to mold yourself into the image of the kind of man you're after, because people have various tastes. I don't believe the man who seeks to win your heart would ask you to change anything about yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    BiLoganOllie saidBasically, I've been dating preps, nerds, and geeks for the last few years - they all make great friends, and being smarter than most of my peers, I do click best with the smarter dudes.

    But that's not what I find sexually attractive. I want a dude who is either thin ripped/toned, or stocky/muscular with tatts and piercings. But I don't look like that. I'm more of a prep/nerd kind of guy, don't wear the skater gear, don't have piercings or tattoos, etc.
    ....
    BiLoganOllie saidAnd that's something else that burns me up too, it seems like some people will only respond to you if you look a certain way. Or they'll respond a certain way based on how you look, which is why I hid my pics, I want people to be honest on this one, not try to fluff me up because they think I'm cute or whatever.

    I don't know, just kind of burnt out, tired of being blown off by guys for whatever reason, guys are too damn superficial and too damn tough to figure out most times.

    Granted I know I described what I'm after in terms of looks, but I also like the attitude of skater/punk type dudes, they tend to be more masculine, independent, defiant, and less concerned about "fitting in" like your jocks, preps, etc.
    It sounds like you are doing the same thing you say you don't like. You are not attracted to the guys you click with, and the guys you are attracted to don't care for you. Maybe the guys you are attracted to feel the same way you do. Maybe because you are only 19 you have not figured all this out. But life may have some hard lessons for you. It is a lot easier to find someone who is ripped (naturally or artificially) or has tattoos, outside looks change with time, but the heart that loves you is the one that stays with you .. someone that really loves you will do so even as you looks fade or change.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    BiLoganOllie said

    ...

    I want a dude who is either thin ripped/toned, or stocky/muscular with tatts and piercings.

    ...

    And that's something else that burns me up too, it seems like some people will only respond to you if you look a certain way.








    irony.jpg
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Feb 01, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    BiLoganOllie saidHeh, so this preppy lookin dude goes up to a skate park and says "Hey, can one of you guys teach me to skate?"

    I don't think that'd work out all that well. Besides, don't think there are any skate parks around here anyway.




    Most of the "preppy" looking kids in my area skate.


    Anyways I would say you just need to hang out with the crowd you're trying to find someone in. They're not going to come to you.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    iguanaSF said


    irony.jpg



    Win!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    Just be YOU! When it happens it'll happen!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    I resort to the "Bend and Snap" when nothing else works...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    iguanaSF said
    BiLoganOllie said

    ...

    I want a dude who is either thin ripped/toned, or stocky/muscular with tatts and piercings.

    ...

    And that's something else that burns me up too, it seems like some people will only respond to you if you look a certain way.








    irony.jpg



    HAHAHAHAHA OMG! so trueicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    this whole post seems seems to conflict with the one you made just 15 days ago ..

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/791863/
    Jan 16, 2010 1:31 PM ... I'm having a hell of a time making some friends. Usually I'd make friends at work, but I work in a small office, so it's tough. And my campus is pretty small too and I do more classes online anyway.

    I don't mind other gay or bi folks, but so far my experience has been they don't want to be friends, they want to either date me or "get with me" (either way I'm not single). And before I was dating, I had a small group of gay friends, but when I started dating, they stopped returning emails and calls.

    So now I'm thinking that straight friends is the way to go. Ideally I just want some straight friends with no expectations beyond that who I can hang out and watch the game and do guy stuff with. The few gay friends I have aren't into sports or outdoorsy stuff, and I'm not the type to go out to the night clubs and gay bars. Unfortunately, when I do meet gay guys into the stuff I am, they tend to be flakes and don't return messages or stop talking if I only want to be friends.


    did you get dumped in just 15 days?? icon_eek.gif
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Feb 01, 2010 2:40 AM GMT
    The issue of finding those to whom you are attracted who are also attracted to you. Not easy online or in the real time world. I know that there are guys who are attracted to me and there those to whom I am attracted. It is rare that they are the same guys. Who knows why? I guess when I direct my attention to those who catch my eye, they quickly turn away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:41 AM GMT
    In fairness to the OP, don't overlook:

    BiLoganOllie> I'm tired of dating the same types of guys over and over, especially when they're not the type of dude I really want to date. Basically, I've been dating preps, nerds, and geeks for the last few years - they all make great friends... But that's not what I find sexually attractive....

    So I'd say he's gone outside his preference and is complaining that he can't break into another circle.

    I think that's overanalyzed. Likes attract just as much as opposites. Blonds don't just date blonds, twinks don't just date twinks, muscleboys and jocks don't just date muscleboys and jocks, etc.

    What's probaby more important is common interests and finding the right individual for who he is (and you are) rather than for being a member of a (somewhat mythical) group.

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    Feb 01, 2010 2:47 AM GMT
    You say " I also like the attitude of skater/punk type dudes, they tend to be more masculine, independent, defiant, and less concerned about "fitting in" "

    Masculine. Independent. Defiant. What I hear from you is that you admire a guy who is CONFIDENT.

    Become Him! Not in looks or clothing or even activities like skating.

    But become CONFIDENT. And it won't be easy. Discipline yourself and train yourself to be independent of what others think.

    And most importantly, put some adrenaline into whatever it is that you do.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    Well I don't really care what others think, I just don't understand what they think. Like the people above who failed to actually read what I typed or just want to write me off, even though I made it clear I know I'm being somewhat hypocritical.

    The guy right above you, caesarea4, gets it, I AM trying to break out of my particular circle and trying to expand my horizons, I didn't realize that was a bad thing, now I know... So I'll just stick with my little homogenous group like a good little gay boy and hate on anyone different, right?

    And I said the reason I'm not showing my pics is because I wanted unbiased adviced because I know when I ask people questions, they tend to sugar coat it for me because I am an attractive dude. I didn't expect to be attacked for just trying to get advice, but again, live and learn. I do show guys I want to talk to my pictures. I'm just not going to show them on here for the reasons I already gave TWICE. (I hate repeating myself).

    Honestly after all that BS up there, I'm wondering why I even bother with gay dudes anyway. Should just go back to women, less drama and stress and less trying to figure out what the hell they want.

    So again, sorry for trying to break out of my circle and expand my horizons, I'll just stick with dating people just like me then.