Need to address this issue

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    I guess I tend to always assume the worst when I'm around people I don't know or in social situations. Perhaps it's because when I was younger in school I often felt humiliated or made fun of or judged in social situations. Its college, however, and I still feel like its way past time to have these walls still be up.

    I have also long adopted that sort of loner disposition (though oddly enough I don't consider myself a loner at heart). But like I just "assume" now that in most situations my attempts to be accepted will be rejected or what usually happens is that they are just flat out unnoticed or ignored by others....which is almost worse. I just walk with my head sort of down and keep to myself. I feel its awkward to try and reach out to people but at the same time I realize I need to.

    I am really struggling with this. I want to be more outgoing and I guess receptive but the part of me just automatically shuts down and it's very hard to change.

    I hope someone on here understands and can help. I suppose really looking at it..and its probably subconscious or something because I don't really consicously think it - but deep down I guess I sort of feel worthless. Like a piece of shit or not worth anyones time. I have struggled with depression and perhaps this is related. I cannot understand why I feel this way, neither can others because they say I am attractive and people would be dying to hang out with me..but i push them away. I know that I am attractive in many ways...which is why this has never made sense. I want to have higher feelings about myself and my worth.

    Thanks for reading.

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    Feb 03, 2010 12:42 AM GMT
    Roquentin saidI guess I tend to always assume the worst when I'm around people I don't know or in social situations. Perhaps it's because when I was younger in school I often felt humiliated or made fun of or judged in social situations. Its college, however, and I still feel like its way past time to have these walls still be up.

    I have also long adopted that sort of loner disposition (though oddly enough I don't consider myself a loner at heart). But like I just "assume" now that in most situations my attempts to be accepted will be rejected or what usually happens is that they are just flat out unnoticed or ignored by others....which is almost worse. I just walk with my head sort of down and keep to myself. I feel its awkward to try and reach out to people but at the same time I realize I need to.

    I am really struggling with this. I want to be more outgoing and I guess receptive but the part of me just automatically shuts down and it's very hard to change.

    I hope someone on here understands and can help. I suppose really looking at it..and its probably subconscious or something because I don't really consicously think it - but deep down I guess I sort of feel worthless. Like a piece of shit or not worth anyones time. I have struggled with depression and perhaps this is related. I cannot understand why I feel this way, neither can others because they say I am attractive and people would be dying to hang out with me..but i push them away. I know that I am attractive in many ways...which is why this has never made sense. I want to have higher feelings about myself and my worth.

    Thanks for reading.



    I hope you'll actually go talk to someone who is educated and qualified enough to help you with these issues, because RealJock isn't the place to get sound/meaningful/helpful advice on a subject like this.

    That said, everyone has worth, and everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. Just like the people who join this site because they're ready to embark on a journey to improve their physical health, your message indicates that you're ready to embark on a journey to improve your emotional health. And, like a person who has no idea how to start that journey towards physical health would be best-suited for help from a personal trainer, you too would certainly benefit from someone who has genuine concern for your well-being and happiness and who has the tools and training to help you on your way.

    You've taken the first major step - admitting you're not happy with the status quo and want to change it.. the next major step is to do something about it.

    Good luck. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    Mon cheri, been there done that. You need to open up yourself to someone who you can trust
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    Rodmramer saidMon cheri, been there done that. You need to open up yourself to someone who you can trust


    That pretty much sums it up. I just read your profile and it reflects what you just said above: Pretty much "stay away from me." I used to be a lot like you when I was in my twenties, but I found weight training helped me a lot with depression, lonelyness, and self esteem issues. Good luck, and feel free to hit me up on email if you wanna chat.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Feb 03, 2010 1:20 AM GMT
    While I don't think there is anything wrong with you, if you want to change, you need to seek professional help. If you are in college, you may be able to get this assistance for free. Ask you advisor, or someone else who can direct you to the help you want.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:45 AM GMT
    I know how you feel. The guys on this site are pretty helpful and our very wise and give some reasonable advice, while others just make you laugh at their point blank in your face tough love advice; which often time is the best. But it is always a good thing to communicate with other individuals like you, myself and many others on this site to help you open up a little and enjoy a good laugh from time to time. You will be fine, just hang in thereicon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    Your day will come.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    I agree with everyone above and I've felt how you're feeling before. Just know that many people have the same insecurities and social anxieties; some people are just better at hiding it than others.

    This site is pretty awesome as it brings like-minded guys together who can support each other. We're all in it together man, and you seem like a good guy anyone would be happy to spend time with.

    Hang in there; you're doing great.

    -Dan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    Roquentin saidI guess I tend to always assume the worst when I'm around people I don't know or in social situations. Perhaps it's because when I was younger in school I often felt humiliated or made fun of or judged in social situations. Its college, however, and I still feel like its way past time to have these walls still be up.

    I have also long adopted that sort of loner disposition (though oddly enough I don't consider myself a loner at heart). But like I just "assume" now that in most situations my attempts to be accepted will be rejected or what usually happens is that they are just flat out unnoticed or ignored by others....which is almost worse. I just walk with my head sort of down and keep to myself. I feel its awkward to try and reach out to people but at the same time I realize I need to.

    I am really struggling with this. I want to be more outgoing and I guess receptive but the part of me just automatically shuts down and it's very hard to change.

    I hope someone on here understands and can help. I suppose really looking at it..and its probably subconscious or something because I don't really consicously think it - but deep down I guess I sort of feel worthless. Like a piece of shit or not worth anyones time. I have struggled with depression and perhaps this is related. I cannot understand why I feel this way, neither can others because they say I am attractive and people would be dying to hang out with me..but i push them away. I know that I am attractive in many ways...which is why this has never made sense. I want to have higher feelings about myself and my worth.

    Thanks for reading.




    I feel you man. I have gone through some issues myself like many other gay men. Talking to someone who is educated is all bull crock. You should try to find someone who has gone through it and can give you some advice based on experience.

    For this reason, gay men should be more accepting of others and avoid discrimination amongst ourselves so that we could build each other up instead of tear each other down..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    Oddly enough, we are basically the same.

    I keep to myself, even though I get invited all the time to places, because I feel either I'm not good enough and they just aren't aware of it now or they are going to go out with me and realize I'm a bore or something.

    I can't really explain why. Maybe I feel I'm not good enough, insecure, fear of rejection, all sorts of things, but whatever it is, it prevents me from being who I truly want to be. Social and going out constantly.

    Fortunately, this has all changed for me. Although at times I have those doubts, but ingore them. haha

    What you need is someone to PUSH YOU. Guilt trip you and force you to go out with them. My best friend is that type of person and so I would feel bad for always canceling, so started going out, clubbing, dancing, house parties, getting drunk, wasted and OMG.. it's SO MUCH FUN. And then you realize, you're a pretty amazing person that people actually want to be around.

    My suggestion is to, even though you may feel like you shouldn't, be spontaneous. If someone says "Let's go out tonight." If you are like me, you'll analyze why you SHOULDN'T GO OUT, but ignore that part and just do it.

    Trust me, it's hard to do, but once you get a hang of it, you'll 100% break out of your shell. Trust me.. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 03, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidYour day will come.


    This is VERY true! However kick start it by going to speak with a Professional, someone who will not be biased towards in you in any way!

    HANG IN THERE!! IT WILL HAPPEN!
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    Feb 03, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    a1972guy said
    chuckystud saidYour day will come.


    This is VERY true! However kick start it by going to speak with a Professional, someone who will not be biased towards in you in any way!

    HANG IN THERE!! IT WILL HAPPEN!


    he does not need to talk to a professional.

    This is an inner insecurity that he can fully overcome on his own.

    The part of the brain that tells him "Don't do it," he needs to if not almost, then completely ignore. I have that part of the brain and it used to prevent me from going out, partying, hanging out, and you just have to be strong and just DO IT.
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    Feb 03, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    PusiKuracBre said
    a1972guy said
    chuckystud saidYour day will come.


    This is VERY true! However kick start it by going to speak with a Professional, someone who will not be biased towards in you in any way!

    HANG IN THERE!! IT WILL HAPPEN!


    he does not need to talk to a professional.

    This is an inner insecurity that he can fully overcome on his own.

    The part of the brain that tells him "Don't do it," he needs to if not almost, then completely ignore. I have that part of the brain and it used to prevent me from going out, partying, hanging out, and you just have to be strong and just DO IT.


    And maybe, JUST maybe, venting, speaking, sharing his inner self may be a great way to help him through this.

    He's not you. You're not him. Everyone operates differently. Everyone needs different things.

    And by no means am I saying that I am correct. What I am suggesting is that MAYBE speaking with someone who would not be biased towards him would him him say aloud what he wants to or needs to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 4:02 AM GMT
    Except for the harsher self-worth issues, most of what you're describing is social anxiety, which I can certainly relate to. Had it for quite a while, and it manifests itself big time when I'm in a crowded social setting where I don't know anybody. Case in point, I was at a gay professional networking group the other week and almost walked out because I couldn't seem to work my way in anywhere. I stuck it out though.

    In college, I made myself rush a big business fraternity which forced me to face the fears head on. And as early as 12 years ago, I did a few sessions with a counselor regarding the anxiety, which I can say helped a bit.

    Anyway--you're not unusual, and just need to learn how to respond to your feelings when they're challenging you.
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    Feb 03, 2010 8:43 AM GMT
    Roquentin saidI guess I tend to always assume the worst when I'm around people I don't know or in social situations. Perhaps it's because when I was younger in school I often felt humiliated or made fun of or judged in social situations. Its college, however, and I still feel like its way past time to have these walls still be up.

    I have also long adopted that sort of loner disposition (though oddly enough I don't consider myself a loner at heart). But like I just "assume" now that in most situations my attempts to be accepted will be rejected or what usually happens is that they are just flat out unnoticed or ignored by others....which is almost worse. I just walk with my head sort of down and keep to myself. I feel its awkward to try and reach out to people but at the same time I realize I need to.

    I am really struggling with this. I want to be more outgoing and I guess receptive but the part of me just automatically shuts down and it's very hard to change.

    I hope someone on here understands and can help. I suppose really looking at it..and its probably subconscious or something because I don't really consicously think it - but deep down I guess I sort of feel worthless. Like a piece of shit or not worth anyones time. I have struggled with depression and perhaps this is related. I cannot understand why I feel this way, neither can others because they say I am attractive and people would be dying to hang out with me..but i push them away. I know that I am attractive in many ways...which is why this has never made sense. I want to have higher feelings about myself and my worth.

    Thanks for reading.



    While reading this man I was errerly reminded of myself. It was as though I wrote it and didnt remmeber i wrote it haha. But seriously what helped me was I joined a fraternity and i met people who actually accepted me for who I was and actually wanted me around and always made me feel welcome. That boosted my self esteem soo much. It helped me adapt and learn to function in social situation, because I know it might be odd but I had never been in socail situations before college. I was always alone and never had friends to hang out with until college so I know what your going through. Even though i was not cured over night of the self doubt and self loathing, and etc. over time meeting my closest friends in the fraternity who I came to connect with on such a level that they helped me experience things i would never have done. If i had not joined the fraternity i would more than likely still be an empty loner on the verge of doing something very bad and self distractive. One day the pressure of being closested cought up with me as well as fianical issues and school issues and i felt i had no place to turn. I didn't even feel i could turn to my closest friends, I was in the middle of a mental / emotional breakdown and after hours of sitting alone in a dark room and i was able to admit to myself i was gay and nothing was wrong with being who i was. I then was faced with the challege of telling my freinds and risk losing everything i had gained over the years and going back to being a nothing all alone, or i could tell my firends and they could except me; but i just knew the worst would happen. The next morning i got the courage to tell my friends and to my shock not a one had a negative reaction they all actually congratulated me on getting through a tough inner struggle and not a one treats me diffirent to this day, and that was years ago. I say all this to say that i know everyone handles things diffirently, and there prolly isnt a generic solution for ur problem. But I hope you can take what you can from my loooong story above haha and apply whats usefull. I'd suggest if need be maybe doing what i did and thrusting your self into something liek a social group like a fraternity will help you find some genuine people who will like you for you. Maybe that will help you out of your shell. Hahaha and who knows you might meet a few hott frat boys in the process which is never a bad thing icon_lol.gif

    Hope you get things figured out man.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Feb 03, 2010 9:34 AM GMT
    I'd tend to agree with the people saying to seek qualified counsel, because social anxiety can be hard to talk away in an environment like these forums where most respondents will be supportive but a few rotten trolls will tear you down for their own degenerate entertainment. You need to work through your insecurity in a space that's completely supportive and can't be infiltrated by sadists who'll try to undermine you because they taste blood in the water.
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    Feb 03, 2010 10:23 AM GMT
    Got to go with the consensus here. Talk to a professional, or others who have been there, if money is an issue.

    You can also start making the conscious decision to be more outgoing. Whatever your experience in high school, it doesn't have to be your experience now. Clearly, you want something different for your life, because you're reaching out.

    I wish you the best life has to offer. It's yours, if you want it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 10:34 AM GMT
    Ahh, man, I've been in your skin, and know what at lonely, awful place it can be. As luck would have it, I started dating a shrink (15 yrs. ago). He quickly diagnosed me, and helped to get my life on track. He demanded I undergo psychoanalysis to battle my depression and get to the root of the problem. At first, I was against it, but am definitely better off for caving and following his advice.

    The skrink I was seeing for several years took me on a strange journey that led me to uncover some pretty sick and twisted shit. The discovery was mine. All he did was help to put things into perspective.

    Today, I'm still a douchebag prick, but I'm a relatively happy one.

    It will get better, but you must take that first step on your own. It's tough when you don't know where to begin, so hit me up if you want to discuss. I'm not a counselor, and cannot offer medical advice. All I can do is point you in the right direction, but it's a good place to start.

    d
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Feb 03, 2010 10:40 AM GMT
    reppaT saidToday, I'm still a douchebag prick, but I'm a relatively happy one.

    yes. but you're our douchebag prick. we're lucky to have you, Tap.