Can our friendship be salvaged?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    Over the weekend, I had the distinct DISPLEASURE of learning that I was being played and used by some people I thought were my close friends.These people are my Marathon Training Coach and one of the women on the team that I trained with, under the same coach. It turns out that my coach was married and had just finalized his divorce in Early November. The entire time we were training last year, while he was still married, he was having an affair with the woman on the training team, AND has a SECOND woman that he has been having a long distance affair with in Boston.

    He would travel frequently for work and no one was ever suspicious of his trips. Apparently, after his divorce was final, the woman from Boston decided to retire (at age 42) as a VERY wealthy woman and wanted to return to her house in Columbus. "Coach" and her moved in together in November in her house. It is a BEAUTIFUL million $$$ home......she has paid off all of his debts from the divorce and they now travel and party and whatever all over the world. They are planning to open a business together and move to Saugatuck, MI, in one of her other homes.

    Now, the lady that was in training with me, discovered that he was married and tried to get him to stay married. Apparently she had heard something about the other woman in Boston and was asking questions....this is where I come in.

    I had been friends with him for about 3 years and I knew he was married, but had no idea that he was cheating with either of these other two women. I had met the lady from Boston a few times over the years, but never made any assumptions or connections...and well the lady I trained with, neither one ever mentioned that they were dating or having sex or anything...but I was getting to talk very regularly to all of them about everything EXCEPT their SPECIFIC named relationships.....
    Last thursday, the training lady calls me and wants to just talk about "having a party for coach"....I agree to meet her and we started just chatting away about him and what I had heard or done with him, since the Marathon in October. (Coach and a few mutual friends, me and his new house mate, have been going out for meals and clubbing maybe 2 times a month and shooting e-mails almost daily), so I knew alot.
    It turned out that I was being played and pumped for information by the woman I had been training with, She sent coach an e-mail letting him know that she knew everything and threatened to let the former Boston lady know all about it, and that SHE HAD FOUND IT ALL OUT BY TALKING TO ME! I had no idea that she didn't know and was using me until I got a quick and terse e-mail from coach , that said ..."Needless to say...I am not real happy with you right now..." and had attached the e-mail the training lady had sent him......

    Right about then I understood what happened......I feel like a victim of "friendly fire" from both sides! I sent a rather harsh reply and said something to the effect of ..I had no idea how I was being played and pumped for information, nor did I realize that infidelity was so rampant among the people I had trusted and trained with....and that I wasn't responsible for anything other than having a friendly talk with some friends.....
    He apologized and was already moving past the "damage" the same afternoon this all broke loose! I am still stunned and a bit hurt that I was played by her and how I was accused of doing something wrong by him and how both of them lied and used me. He wants me to continue with our nights out with the boys and the e-mails and everything...but I am really not sure and I am thinking maybe I need to back away from this "friendship" quietly. I have already let the lady I trained with know that I have no intention of talking to her again. I am just stunned and at a loss here.......and really UNHAPPY, because I really did enjoy all of them and our mutual friends and activities, but they feel cheapened and tainted right now....is there a place where i can "win" and keep my friendships?icon_cry.gif

    Why is this so hard?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 2:01 AM GMT
    I can understand how your female team mate used you for information, and then betrayed your confidence by telling the coach. But how did the coach betray you? Because he kept his double (or triple?) life hidden from you? That just makes him a cheating bastard, but I fail to see his betrayal regarding you.

    A complicated story, and perhaps I missed some points. I would write off your team mate, she likely feels she's a woman scorned, and tried to throw you under the bus to win back the coach from the Boston lady.

    But even if the coach doesn't hold a grudge against you, is he the quality of friend you want? An immoral philanderer? Well, I guess many of us gays are no better; honor among thieves?

    I dunno, I don't see this as "hard." Unfortunate, perhaps, but better you see people for what they are. I think your decision is easy.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 03, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    "Why is this so hard?"
    ________________________________
    It's hard because people whom you trusted, let you down.
    You're exactly right in cutting the one lady loose.

    The coach and his lady friend ? It sounds like he did nothing to deceive you, especially since it was his own private business. And, he seemed fine with your explanation of what happened.

    If you value his friendship, and enjoy going out and doing things with him, I would say to keep on doing so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    I don't get the part where you feel like a victim? regardless of how she pumped you for info it seems like there was a bit of gossiping going around. and while it might not have been intentional you still should own your part.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 5:06 AM GMT
    ok i read what you typed twice..but how is this your business? I have friends that i know who might be doing trifling things to people they love but i keep out of it as thats unnecessary drama. Just dont say anything and stay away from the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 7:36 AM GMT
    straight drama! .. ha ha! and people accuse gays of this.

    Where do you think the idea of soap operas came from? icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    In Coach's defense - he did come straight to you with the information and how it was conveyed to him.

    Also, unless there's detail here that is missing or that I've missed, I wouldn't judge a guy at the end of a marriage too harshly. We don't know the specifics of the "arrangements" present in each of these relationships (including the now-divorced wife, who could have been fucking half of Ohio for all we know).

    As for scorned woman #2 clearly the right move is to drop her. As for coach, I guess it comes down to what you want/value and how important this friendship is to you. I don't see much wrong in his actions relative to you specifically.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 12:51 PM GMT
    If it were me,

    Id keep the Coach.

    Id dump the chic.

    Bro's before Ho's
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:03 PM GMT
    BeachBiMan saidIf it were me,

    Id keep the Coach.

    Id dump the chic.

    Bro's before Ho's
    What if the coach were a ho, too? icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:15 PM GMT
    dump both of them and move on. You don't need drama in your life
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    Rodmramer saiddump both of them and move on. You don't need drama in your life
    This reminds me of a song.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 1:17 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi said
    Rodmramer saiddump both of them and move on. You don't need drama in your life
    This reminds me of a song.


    icon_cool.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Feb 03, 2010 1:24 PM GMT
    You are going to have to decide if you WANT to be friends with them. They sound willing to maintain the same friendship (ie no one is pissed at you- which I find shocking, not that this is your fault) with them. You are clearly upset, so it sounds like you want out, but that you don't want to have to have the conversation with either of them.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Feb 03, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    Well first off life is full of drama regardless of what sexual orientation you are. So the whole straight or gay drama isn't needed, if you don't want drama either kill yourself or become a total recluse or hermit.

    As for the whole issue with the coach and his women, I'd just keep it the same with the coach as I don't see how he betrayed or used you, he didn't tell you all his other relationships for his own reasons. Even though some may see him as a bad person because of his cheating ways, he still is a person and probably does some good in someones life in someway. So yeah glad you dumped the lady but next time someone starts asking you questions about someone else, you should simply say sorry you'll have to ask that person what and who they've been upto I'm not gonna play that game again.

    So yeah that's it I guess icon_cool.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 03, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    Webster666 said"Why is this so hard?"
    ________________________________
    It's hard because people whom you trusted, let you down.
    You're exactly right in cutting the one lady loose.

    The coach and his lady friend ? It sounds like he did nothing to deceive you, especially since it was his own private business. And, he seemed fine with your explanation of what happened.

    If you value his friendship, and enjoy going out and doing things with him, I would say to keep on doing so.




    Pretty much my thoughts too.

    Does the rich lady from Boston perhaps have a rich younger brother?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 03, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    BeachBiMan saidIf it were me,

    Id keep the Coach.

    Id dump the chic.

    Bro's before Ho's
    yup! Ban the Biatchoe from your life.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Feb 03, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    Lemme get this straight...you feel like a victim because the lady pumped you for information about your "friend" that you were apparently all too willing to provide? Wasn't what your friend did with other women really none of your business in the first place? Lesson learned here--- anytime you let yourself be the middle man that different parties go to for information about the other, you will end up getting caught in the cross-fire and getting burned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    Can you say gullible?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    Next time just pull out your cell call the person up that in question tell him/her that someone has some queries they need answering and just hand the phone over to the person that is making the inquiries. That what I did when some fool thought that I was the new kid on the playground.

    "I just said here you ya go playa-playa you can ask him yourself!"

    The person turned read as an apple. I laughed while sipping my cocktail.

    Next time "Flip the Script".
  • pav1

    Posts: 68

    Feb 03, 2010 4:49 PM GMT
    All I can say is... Welcome to the Human condition.