Newly Bi..well more gay than Bi lol....and long distance relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    So I met a guy on a chat site, we chatted and i gave him my number. For me that was HUGE, for one I never give my number out to guys and people I don't really know. Anyway we've been talking since Thursday and I've became pretty attracted to him just by talking to him. We haven't met b/c he lives 15 hours away, but we've made plans to after this semester is over with for the both of us. I've never been in a relationship with a guy or much less a long distance relationship, but I feel like he could be my first (Boyfriend and I'm a Virgin).
    However even though he says he likes me and would like to date me, I just don't know to make a long distance relationship work when you can only see each other when we have breaks and I don't know if he'll be patient enough to wait another 2 years for me. I mean we talk everyday, but he's 22, Out, and has more likely hood of meeting someone else.

    What do ya'll think? Would you wait for 2 years for a guy? And even more wait for a guy who's not sure if he could ever come out?

    I need advice!! My first gay relationship and it's complicated
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 04, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    why do you need to wait 2 years for? are you under age or something?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    Lol no I'm 20. I don't graduate college till Dec 2012.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 04, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    well there's still no reason to "wait". Sure, the situation isn't ideal, but there are ways to make it more bearable. But that all depends on your intentions, devotion, and availability. Do either of you own a car? Is there a way for you to travel to see each other via mass transit? Honestly, no matter how much you like someone online, the true barometer is meeting face to face. How much face time with him would you consider acceptable in this situation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    I always like to stick to the phrase "Believe to achieve!". Yes, yes, I know... very corny. But it can be applied to situations such as this one. I personally think that majority of success is a mind thing. In other words, the relationship can and will last if you want it too. If I met someone who's company I enjoyed (via phone or in person), I'd try to keep them around. You should also keep in mind that this would be your first gay relationship. You may not want to "tie the ship down" just yet. Try to float around in the sea a little and explore what's truly out there (no this doesn't mean be a man whore...) lol. I'm the worst at giving solid advice- which is evident from my choppy paragraph.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:50 AM GMT
    Rhule08 saidYou should also keep in mind that this would be your first gay relationship. You may not want to "tie the ship down" just yet. Try to float around in the sea a little and explore what's truly out there (no this doesn't mean be a man whore...) lol.


    Hahahaha...I'm def not a man whore straight or gay! I def don't sleep around, I'm a relationship kinda guy. Honestly when it comes to sex outside of a relationship I'm almost a prude, however I can be persuaded lol.

    I think we both want it to work out even if we do have to rack up alot of frequent flier miles or drive 15 hours just to see each other. He talks like he wants to work something out and date me. And I'll be more than honest and say that I'm dying to have sex with him. Phone sex works but it's def not ideal HAHA

    My only thing is how can a guy be in a relationship with someone who's not ready to come out. He says I don't have to, but I know that it would be a problem later on if it works out.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 04, 2010 2:07 AM GMT
    Dude, the coming out thing works itself out on it's own timeline. It's pretty much the same thing for everyone though: when you're tired of feeling like you're hiding something or you've met someone that makes you say "fug it!", you will. Not everyone comes out of their mom's womb with the rainbow flag waving high. You've got plenty of time (knock on wood) in you life to cross certain milestones. 1 question though: Is the fact that this guy lives far away from you, part of why you're so smitten with him? If he lived in your town and he was out, would you really date him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    Good question...I live in a small Southern Baptist town, I'm talkin 300 people tops. Being gay is not acceptable here, and would probably be lenched. It would def be hard to date him, my family is so anti Bi/Gay. I wouldn't care if people knew i was friends with him, but I probably couldn't date him out in the open. It would be a closeted relationship. But I understand where you're coming from. It's def something for me to think on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    Typically, long distance relationships are a plan for failure, for a long list of reasons. Your situation may buck the norm; you never know.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 04, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    I was there before, so I know how it is. Take your time and make the best decision you can. I figured when you said it would take 2 years to be together, 1 of you guys' living situation was probably less than ideal. Maybe he'll understand it, maybe he won't. Maybe it'll spur you to some sort of action (coming out or moving away) right now, maybe it won't. But until you can be honest about yourself to yourself; you'll always be justifying some sort of excuse as to why things aren't the way you or another person would like them. If you haven't told him about your trepidation, I strongly urge you to do so and you guys can take it from there. Best of luck with it, young'unicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    I would be questioning why is it this guy wants you…that came out wrong, I’m sure you’re a great guy.

    I mean if he is out and I assume has other men he can date that wouldn’t require 1,500 mile road trip.

    That still didn’t come out right…Let me just ask… have you seen this guy on cam?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 2:41 AM GMT
    PipHop saidI was there before, so I know how it is. Take your time and make the best decision you can. I figured when you said it would take 2 years to be together, 1 of you guys' living situation was probably less than ideal. Maybe he'll understand it, maybe he won't. Maybe it'll spur you to some sort of action (coming out or moving away) right now, maybe it won't. But until you can be honest about yourself to yourself; you'll always be justifying some sort of excuse as to why things aren't the way you or another person would like them. If you haven't told him about your trepidation, I strongly urge you to do so and you guys can take it from there. Best of luck with it, young'unicon_cool.gif


    Thanks for the advice. I'll def talk to him about it...I'm a hopeless romantic lol.


    Lol to the question why does he want me....I've asked myself that same question, he's a good looking guy who could probably get other guys. He just says that most of the gay guys he knows are complete femme's and that's not his type or they just want to hook up for a night. Also he says he just likes me, my accent, my personality..it's corny but he said I'm what he's been looking for in a guy for a while now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    Believe me I wasn’t saying you are not worth it; just concerned this man may not be what he represents….there are plenty of post on here where there was great conversations/chats and when they finally met, the guy looked nothing like his pics.

    Good luck to you and there is nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Feb 04, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    Yes. I would just recommend that you be careful and cautiously optimistic so that overtime if it doesn't workout you don't get devastated over it. I would think that people need to be somewhat committed and dedicated to the idea itself which hints more of a serious relationship than still getting to know someone else, both sides have to really want it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidBelieve me I wasn’t saying you are not worth it; just concerned this man may not be what he represents….there are plenty of post on here where there was great conversations/chats and when they finally met, the guy looked nothing like his pics.

    Good luck to you and there is nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic.


    Lol I understand I didn't take it as an insult.

    But yea I'm def guarding my heart, it would totally suck to have my heart broken after my first gay relationship. But I hope for the best, and plan for the worst. I think if we can just get over the whole distance thing that it could work. He's even went as far as saying that he won't hook up with anyone else if I don't want him too. I'm takin that as a good thing. That he's serious about taking this to the next level and trying to work this out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 3:14 AM GMT
    Have you seen his picture?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    Rodmramer saidHave you seen his picture?


    Yea we've traded pics and everything
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    My first suggestion is SLOW DOWN!

    The language we use to describe our interactions with people is very significant and I notice you are calling the contact with this guy a "relationship". Given you have only had online/telephone contact and have never met in person, it would be wise (for your psyche!) to not refer to this as a "relationship".

    There are literally millions of men on chat sites and websites looking for hookups. You should be very cautious about whom you share your personal information with and whom you decide to meet up with in person. As much as possible, try not to imagine relationship scenarios with people you have never met as it will lead to nothing but problems.

    I would recommend keeping your focus local and finding out ways to meet guys in your own area.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    I have been involved with a LDR since the first week in Dec. 2009 and believe me... it's difficult, to say the least. He and I are both mature men who have been "out" for quite a few years. I've NEVER been involved in a LDR...and I don't think he has either.
    We are over 2,000 miles apart..and as of yet, have not made plans to get together.
    He has been a RJ member for much longer than I have been... I just joined the last few days of Nov. 2009, and he contacted me about 9 days after I joined. He has quite a few "buddies" on RJ, while the only guys I know are ones from where I live.
    I hate to admit it, but I sometimes wonder if there are other guys with whom he has feelings for... he says that I'm different, but from this vast difference in miles.. it's kinda hard to tell.
    You chose some very powerful words when you said you were keeping your heart guarded... It's a GREAT idea, but can you really do it?? My saying is: The heart wants what the heart wants... PERIOD.
    My best advice would be to keep it light for a period of time... at least until you can actually meet face to face. You have NO experience with a relationship with a man, and chances are, you don't know for sure whether he has "other" guys on the side, just for fun.
    By all means, keep it light, keep your eyes open and guard that heart the best you can...until...
    BTW, I also have a forum on this subject. You might want to check it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:38 PM GMT
    Tried the phone thing when I was first starting to get curious. Believe me when I say the picture of the person on the other end of the phone that you form in your head is a definite stranger to the person you finally meet. Especially if you don't know all the "signs"of being led on and total fake made up stories that can be presented. Then again, he could be the perfect one! Just don't put all your hopes in this first meeting and don't do things you wouldn't normally do just because you waited this long or had to drive a long distance to meet. Best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    Matthew7 saidI don't graduate college till Dec 2012.


    Well see there's your problem right there. The world will be ending in 2012, so you better get a move on!

    LOL OK joking aside my first gay relationship was with a great guy thousands of miles away. It lasted 8 months, and during those 8 months I learned a TON about myself and had some amazing times with a wonderful man.

    But... I started becoming depressed because of the distance. Once you really make that connection with someone, you really really really want to see them every day (at least I do). So in the end I couldn't handle that.

    But... you may be able to work it out, also maybe he can come to you before you graduate. Everyone is different when it comes to these things.

    P.S. Buy a webcam, if you do this you're gonna need it. Just sayin'