Anyone meet their LTR after turning 35?

  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 05, 2010 7:05 AM GMT
    Is there anyone here who's in an LTR, that met your partner after you turned 35? I like to think of myself as an optimistic sort, but lately have lost that chutzpah towards finding a mate. Actually, I'm afraid to even try right now because all the guys I meet are in "Let's just have fun" mode. There's nothing wrong with a person who's into that, however I am not at all interested in it or anyone who is. I figure if I'm going to to put energy towards something, it should at least be (or have the potential to be) substantial.

    I guess I'm a bit worried about finding a good guy that I share key similarities with. I'd hate to feel like I'm settling for someone and it would feel even worse to sense that the guy I'm with is. I'm just a bit down, because I feel like I've lost the ability to believe that love (as I define it) is out there. Anyone my age (37) or older face the same situation and then meet their guy? Sounds corny, but hearing about great examples goes a ways towards restoring my faith in finding a mate.
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    I know what you mean. It seems that all the guys who haven't been taken by this age just want to "spray and get away."
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:30 PM GMT
    but what choice do you have? if you stop believing and give off negative energy, people will be turned off. keep an open mind. and, as far as fun goes, if the person seems right, you never know, sometimes it can be the one you were looking for.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Feb 05, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Don't give up man! I met my ex when I was 35 and we had 15 years together. I'm back on the market now, but I have no doubt that my soulmate is out there somewhere. Now, I just have to find him. LOL.
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    Yes. 37 even.
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:35 PM GMT
    I hope so! "cause with the exception of a couple short term relationships, I've been single for 9 years and I'm 37! DAMMIT!
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    Feb 05, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I met my present husband at age 52 through a personal ad. Came to take me to dinner and never left. 7 years now and nevah bettah!

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    Feb 05, 2010 2:45 PM GMT
    Yes, I met both my partners in my 50s (the first one tragically dying). And I also had 2-year LTRs with 2 other guys after I came out at 46.

    BTW, I met each of these guys, and lots of others, while I was in the "let's just have fun mode" you mention. Looking for guys while wearing LTR goggles is self-defeating, in my view. I meet for fun & friendship, and if there's going to be an LTR it grows from that. In that way I've met lots of guys, not pre-screening them for LTR qualities before the first date, and so had more to choose from, increasing my odds of finding a keeper (not to mention having a great time in the process).

    And I never had trouble finding available guys my age, which is my preference, despite my generation having been heavily hit by the AIDS epidemic. I guess I have a knack for knowing where to look, and how to network friendships into more friendships.
  • thatonedude21

    Posts: 223

    Feb 05, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    I am no where near age 35, although sometimes mentally I feel like it..
    I think you can find anyone at any age... jus' gotta believe

    p.s. I hope I don't have to wait that long icon_sad.gif /sadface
  • Stephan

    Posts: 407

    Feb 05, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    Well, not yet and still waiting...
    However, I have not given up nor will I lose my desire to have a LTR.
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    Feb 05, 2010 3:00 PM GMT
    Met mine at 38.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 05, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    I sometimes believe it's never going to happen for me, and 41 is quickly coming up for me.

    But you have to keep yourself open to meeting new people because you never know.
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    Feb 05, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    I was 34.....Bill was 32.

    -Doug
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Feb 05, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    I met mine at 43
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 05, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    my bf and I were both wayyyyyyyyy past the age of consent when we met, hooked up...and stayed together. icon_lol.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 05, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    I was 32 for the first ltr to last any considerable time. I'm....fourty something-something right now and I'm still trying to find someone. But hey, if you really just wanted "someone" you could have that really easy. But by your post it sounds like you want a real connection, so that might take awhile.

    There is a theory that guys in their 30s and 40s are more likely to want to settle down now that they've sown their wild oats and all. I think that, coupled with the fact that older guys not only know what they want, they know how to keep it, might give us older guys some more sticking power.

    Also, sad to say, the real messes that are our age you can spot a mile away. Back in their twenties they were still exploring themselves and acting like any 20 something year old. Never had a relationship past three months? Oh, you must be in your twenties. A twenty year old with a DUI, eh...when you're young you do stupid things sometimes. Leap forward to a guy that's 40 doing the same things he has been doing since the age of 20 and you know there are some issues.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Feb 05, 2010 3:44 PM GMT
    People meet partners at every age. To think that once you reach a certain age you just dry up and stop living and loving is just silly. Love happens when you least expect it, and I know many people who met the love of their life in their 40's and 50's -- an age when most gay men are finally ready to settle down and seriously commit to a LTR.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Feb 05, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    I was 18 when I met my first and currently only LTR.

    I'm probably going to be single ... for a long while what with my lack of ability to approach guys or, at least, know where to hang out and meet guys without the valence of sex hanging over our heads.
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    Feb 05, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    Age 30+ is the best time to find and maintain LTR's, IMO.
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    Feb 05, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    PipHop saidIs there anyone here who's in an LTR, that met your partner after you turned 35? I like to think of myself as an optimistic sort, but lately have lost that chutzpah towards finding a mate. Actually, I'm afraid to even try right now because all the guys I meet are in "Let's just have fun" mode. There's nothing wrong with a person who's into that, however I am not at all interested in it or anyone who is. I figure if I'm going to to put energy towards something, it should at least be (or have the potential to be) substantial.

    I guess I'm a bit worried about finding a good guy that I share key similarities with. I'd hate to feel like I'm settling for someone and it would feel even worse to sense that the guy I'm with is. I'm just a bit down, because I feel like I've lost the ability to believe that love (as I define it) is out there. Anyone my age (37) or older face the same situation and then meet their guy? Sounds corny, but hearing about great examples goes a ways towards restoring my faith in finding a mate.


    I actually think you have a better chance of having a LTR later in life because younger guys just want to have some fun when they are young without any commitment, but as they get older then they are more ready to settle down. My bf and I are interested in a LTR, but neither one of us want to make any commitments to each other just yet. However, neither one of us is hooking up with other guys right now, so that's a good sign. I have no desire right now to have sex with anyone but him. I've never had such great sex as I do with him and he says the same about me. I am truly in love with him.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 06, 2010 5:12 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidYes, I met both my partners in my 50s (the first one tragically dying). And I also had 2-year LTRs with 2 other guys after I came out at 46.

    BTW, I met each of these guys, and lots of others, while I was in the "let's just have fun mode" you mention. Looking for guys while wearing LTR goggles is self-defeating, in my view. I meet for fun & friendship, and if there's going to be an LTR it grows from that. In that way I've met lots of guys, not pre-screening them for LTR qualities before the first date, and so had more to choose from, increasing my odds of finding a keeper (not to mention having a great time in the process).

    And I never had trouble finding available guys my age, which is my preference, despite my generation having been heavily hit by the AIDS epidemic. I guess I have a knack for knowing where to look, and how to network friendships into more friendships.


    hmm, i never thought about it that way. I guess it could look a little desperate (which sometimes i feel like i'm gettingicon_smile.gif in my desire to find a partner. i feel a bit depressed over being late to the gay life and maybe missed a golden opportunity to find someone when i was younger. couple that with the fact that i view relationships a monogamous only lens, sometimes it just looks bleak. oh well, at least i'm old enough to see my mortality LOL
  • me35mtl

    Posts: 306

    Feb 06, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    There better be or im gonna have a serious talk with the Man when i get up there and ask "What the hell was that?!?"
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    Feb 06, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    How in the world do you even think its NOT possible? Im a bigger idot I think for responding.

    Just so you know dude, my best years were 40+. And sex? I was a novice (though I did not realize it) till I hit 50.

    So please, dont call the funeral parlor on me yet till you feel my skin go pale and cold.
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    Feb 06, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    I was 35 when I met my partner and we've been together over 30 years. I had pretty much decided I did not want any LTRs after my first, which was a mess. Figured I had lots of friends and would have a happy life. You never know when or where.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 06, 2010 5:36 AM GMT
    antelope saidI was 35 when I met my partner and we've been together over 30 years. I had pretty much decided I did not want any LTRs after my first, which was a mess. Figured I had lots of friends and would have a happy life. You never know when or where.


    man i hope my story goes that way! kudos to you twoicon_wink.gif