Virgin Lips

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    Just as a head's up this is very personal content so if you don't like knowing very personal things about other people, then you may wanna look away.

    Okay, so I was wondering if it makes any sense to want to keep your lips from kissing anyone until you date them. This is my situation:

    At a very young age, I was raped by my brother's friend, so I lost my virginity then. Since that happened, I've had sex with about 5 other guys. The thing is: I have never kissed any of them because none of them ever dated me. Literally, I've never kissed anyone in my life.

    I wanted to ask you for your opinion: should I maintain myself from kissing until I date someone, or should I just forget about it and make out with the person I'm having sex with?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    This is your personal choice to make. Only you will know the right time and the right guy and right reason.
    Don't take this wrong.... it is meant to be positive and supportive, you should talk to a therapist about this. Rape and the lingering effect on you and your intimacy are issues that you might want to resolve or this will always be an excuse to keep you from ever achieving happiness. You deserve all the happiness you can get in this life, because it only comes around once.
    Good Luck and Take Care.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    Me personally, I think virginity, whether it's sex or kissing, is overrated. Kissing, to me, is not special at all. Kissing is like giving someone a hand shake these days.

    I get that, since you were raped, you basically had no choice, but to lose your virginity, but with kissing, it is absolutely meaningless. Kissing and making out sure does make sex THAT much better, then again I like foreplay and stuff.

    If I were you, I would not even care. I think it's funny how people hold on to these things like virginity, sex, kissing, holding hands, but really, for what? There's about a 98% chance that the 1st person you date / love, won't be the person you spend the rest of your life with, so really... why wait?
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Feb 07, 2010 1:35 PM GMT
    I can completely understand Pusi's response, but I'd like to represent the other side as well. For me, kissing (with tongues, not just the kind you do when greeting) is very intimate and sex without it (the very few times I've bothered with someone who didn't want to kiss) feels rather lacking.

    However, kissing is also a skill that improves with practice, so I would recommend you "deflower" those lips and find someone kind-hearted and hot to practice with. I'm more turned off by sloppy kissers (who don't accept gentle correction) than by non-kissers.

    Just my 2-cents
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    You should probably kiss someone for when you meet a guy you like. Nothing is worse than a bad kisser. Life isn't a fairy tale movie, you don't get an audience's "aww" by making things special.
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    Feb 07, 2010 2:59 PM GMT
    You definitely need to see a therapist or someone about the whole rape thing. If you don't, then not only will you continue having sex with random guys, but your feelings of love and compassion are going to be confused. A lot of people who are molested or raped have many problems when it comes to relationships. Normally they are very passive in them. They fall in love very quickly and very often with people. Because of this their relationships hardly ever work out. A lot of people's self worth in a a relationship is pretty low and they allow their partner to do whatever they want and its hard for them to stick up for themselves. I definitely recommend seeing a therapist even if you think everything is ok. That way if there is an underlying problem then they can help to identify it and fix it. That way this is something that doesn't control the rest of your life. Good luck buddy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    I won't have sex with anybody that doesn't want to kiss me, but I have a friend who says kissing to him is more intimate than giving someone a bj.

    Someone who wanted to fool around with me, once told me, that he kisses only people he loves. My reply was that only prostitutes won't kiss you. So we didn't have sex.

    So there is a chance that your "virgin-lips-policy" is just the way you are. However I agree with the others that you should work through your rape with a therapist.