A COLD STARE IN THE GYM...

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 09, 2010 4:13 PM GMT
    Lets say the main reason for this topic is really about gym behavior.
    How it may differ from regular social interaction....when things like this occur.

    When I go to the gym, I'm there to work out. I wave, smile and chat briefly to a number, but I'm not there to shoot the breeze. Most aren't.. part of the reason I wanted to bring this up.

    Was in the gym working out on Sunday, prior to the Superbowl and had been doing my routine for about 30 minutes, when I became aware of a guy who was staring at me. I don't pay much attention to what other people are doing, but when when you pass someone at a machine and they keep their eyes trained on you, you begin to notice something. He was nice looking, 30's, sort of familiar, but not anybody I had noticed before.

    Finally, while filling my water bottle at the fountain, he taps me on the back, calls me by name and asks me in sort of a sarcastic manner, "aren't you going to say hello"? I asked him how he was and it was then he said, "You don't remember me at all do you? We met at Bret's party last September and talked briefly about working out and that we both belonged to the YMCA". I then remembered him and apologized for not recognizing him, but that I'm pretty focused when I'm in the place.
    "Sometimes I don't even see my clients in here", I said (which is true).

    He didn't seem to buy it. He made a comment about what he called "my attitude" and that "I bet you lose clients if you don't talk to them".
    I just told him that I was serious about my workouts and it wasn't anything personal. His final comment was, "if I was built and cute, I bet you would have noticed". I was tempted to make a crude remark, but instead told him to have a good workout and I went back to work. He ignored me the rest of the time. If I had seen him at the grocery store or at another party and didn't speak, I might have been a little embarassed, but in this case I wasn't at all.

    For me, gym time is a little different.
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    lol, the guy is projecting personal axes he's grinding onto you.

    Perhaps he thinks you're part an 'in crowd' of good looking men he has issues with as he likely feels a certain standard of looks gains entrance into that lofty group. In some cases that's true, in many it isn't.

    Make a point of walking over and saying Hi the next time you see him. If he gets muntish (lol, just getting the meaning of that now - I'm slow) simply observe that if you're going to be damned either way, you'll take the way that entails less effort, like not bothering to say Hi again.


    how's that? -Doug

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    Feb 09, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    I wouldn't beat myself up about it that guy is a straight up drama . I bet he thins his bitch fit was cute, I wouldn't assosiate myself with him after that.

    When I'm at the gym I want more people to be like u minding their own buisness I hate it when guys stare at me

    the gym is self improvment time now self promoting time
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:27 PM GMT
    I'm with you...when I'm at the gym it's like I'm in my own world and I usually don't notice anyone else. Some people just don't get that it's not social hour - it's workout hour. Sounds like he's just bitter that you weren't into him.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Feb 09, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    I guess it helps that I never talk to anyone at the gym, and know almost no one that goes there. (1 or 2 people). Anyway, no one talks to me, and I talk to no one. I hit the weights, do some cardio and I go, without saying anything more than "Are you using that?"
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    It sounds like the sort of person you want to ignore you anyway. Just be polite and allow him to create his own personal hell.
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    I agree. I get into a trance when I workout and don't notice anything around me either. You handled the situation exactly as I would have by staying positive and not allowing yourself to utter crude remarks (although they would have been justified).

    I was in a similar situation one time where I was working out at the same gym as one of my clients from work. The client saw me but I did not see her. She later complained to one of my co-workers that I was "arrogant" because I just "ignored" her. The next time I was at the gym and noticed her walking in, I walked over and said "hi" and talked politely for a few moments. It ended the riff between us. Even now, I still say "hi" whenever I bump into her at the gym.
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:38 PM GMT
    I've had a similar experience. Now, this guy glares at me at the gym, and also goes out of his way to invade my space. He's also kind of creepy, and I think he's probably stalker material.
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:41 PM GMT
    This is why I am enjoying working out at home.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 09, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    icon_idea.gif People who act like barflies in the gym act like barflies in intimate or platonic relationships.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 09, 2010 4:51 PM GMT
    So if he remembered you and wanted to talk, why didn't he just walk up to you and say "Hi, I'm Bret, we met at ....."?
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Feb 09, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidSo if he remembered you and wanted to talk, why didn't he just walk up to you and say "Hi, I'm Bret, we met at ....."?


    You and your silly logic. You mean he had equality opportunity to say "hi". Sheesh, where are you living?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 09, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    DCEric said
    Timberoo saidSo if he remembered you and wanted to talk, why didn't he just walk up to you and say "Hi, I'm Bret, we met at ....."?


    You and your silly logic. You mean he had equality opportunity to say "hi". Sheesh, where are you living?


    I've got a lovely parcel in La La Land.
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    Feb 09, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    People are nuts. What can you do? Best never to get to their level of crazy.
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    Feb 09, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    Consider your self lucky he seems like a whack job. All because you didn't spea to him...it's not that serious. You can't help if he didn't leave a lasting impression how is it your fault that he not that interesting.

    I am like you when I am at the gym people are lucky to even get a high from me.

    Mainly because once my head phones are plugged in I block everything else out and the only thing I want to do it get my work out over and done with.

    But then again I don't go to the gym during rush hour. I'm there at 5:00am and at 8:00am on the weekends. At that time we are all pretty much "sleep walking". You're right it was not personal he made it personal. So many guys use the gym to have "high tea" which I find totally annoying not all of us are here to join in on your gossip sessions.



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    Feb 09, 2010 5:02 PM GMT
    I bet you if he was hot with 10 pack abs none of you would have been making the comments you have just done.

    icon_evil.gif
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    Feb 09, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    Man, I am the same way at the gym and I have heard (second hand) that "people" at the gym think I'm an ass. But, the thing is, I am not there for extended periods of eye contact - I am there to lift. Sounds like this guy is putting his personal hang ups on you - I wouldn't worry about it.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Feb 09, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    Yeah I know what you mean, I don't mind talking as long as you can keep up with me and don't slow me down
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    Feb 09, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidI bet you if he was hot with 10 pack abs none of you would have been making the comments you have just done.

    icon_evil.gif



    lol, speak for yourself.

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    Feb 09, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    There is no excuse for bad manners and you don't get a free pass because you just happen to be hot as a matter of fact my reply would be even more flip! Please believe I have done it.
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    Feb 09, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    I would have smiled, said to him have a nice day....take care...bye bye...have a good one....and walked away. If I saw him again, I wouldn't look at him.

    Some people enjoy talking a lot and obviously pride themselves on having a sunny disposition and being a "people person". Once you exchange a few words with these loud blabermouths they corner you and talk your ears off with mindless chatter everytime they see you. I politely dodge them, but some are offended and kinda rude afterwards because they didn't get the attention they wanted.

    Yapping at the gym is not my style. Being friendly and courteous is. My work out time is important for me to focus, breathe, think and exercise.

    If someone cool approaches me or if I approach someone because they are interesting, I say a few greeting words and let them know I want to continue talking later on. A smile, a nod, an acknowledgement that they are "looking good" is all that's needed, not a narrative of their life story, what was on TV last night or the weather.

    It doesn't matter what they look like...what they are packing, or how defined their abs are. What they are doing is called passive aggressiveness and its rude and selfish. And they will be the first ones to call you arrogant and snobby. Fuck em.

    SO THERE...I said it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Feb 09, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    The most important piece of equipment to me at the gym are my earphones to my iPod.
  • oursirpeace

    Posts: 199

    Feb 09, 2010 5:32 PM GMT
    As much as I think the guy was being dramatic, there's nothing wrong with wanting to talk to ppl in the gym. ANY place is social environment. Knowing a few ppl in the gym makes you feel more at ease, what if you needed a spotter? or some weightlifting tips? As long as you give ppl space and time for the rest of their workout, I don't see any harm in socializing in the gym.
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    Feb 09, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    Same here CJA. Just recently I forgot to charge my Ipod on my computer and it was dead when I tried to listen to my music while I was starting my workout. I could even start me workout let alone finish. My blocks out all of the background chatter and noise. I helps me stay focus and stay on point. I'm a distracted mess without it. I was cursing all the way back home.

    Lucky for me I'm the only one in my circle of friends who works out so I would be surprised if I saw anyone that I know on a real personal level at the gym. Most of guys I see I only know a first name basis. It's just hi and how you're NEVER an extended conversation.

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    Feb 09, 2010 5:40 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidLets say the main reason for this topic is really about gym behavior.
    How it may differ from regular social interaction....when things like this occur.

    When I go to the gym, I'm there to work out. I wave, smile and chat briefly to a number, but I'm not there to shoot the breeze. Most aren't.. part of the reason I wanted to bring this up.

    Was in the gym working out on Sunday, prior to the Superbowl and had been doing my routine for about 30 minutes, when I became aware of a guy who was staring at me. I don't pay much attention to what other people are doing, but when when you pass someone at a machine and they keep their eyes trained on you, you begin to notice something. He was nice looking, 30's, sort of familiar, but not anybody I had noticed before.

    Finally, while filling my water bottle at the fountain, he taps me on the back, calls me by name and asks me in sort of a sarcastic manner, "aren't you going to say hello"? I asked him how he was and it was then he said, "You don't remember me at all do you? We met at Bret's party last September and talked briefly about working out and that we both belonged to the YMCA". I then remembered him and apologized for not recognizing him, but that I'm pretty focused when I'm in the place.
    "Sometimes I don't even see my clients in here", I said (which is true).

    He didn't seem to buy it. He made a comment about what he called "my attitude" and that "I bet you lose clients if you don't talk to them".
    I just told him that I was serious about my workouts and it wasn't anything personal. His final comment was, "if I was built and cute, I bet you would have noticed". I was tempted to make a crude remark, but instead told him to have a good workout and I went back to work. He ignored me the rest of the time. If I had seen him at the grocery store or at another party and didn't speak, I might have been a little embarassed, but in this case I wasn't at all.

    For me, gym time is a little different.


    What an asshole!!! He should be working out, and not trying to pick a fight with you.

    Tell him you're in a rush, and walk the fuck away. He's just a dick.

    I work with enterprise level systems that are 24 by 7. My phone is on, and, I answer it, 24 hours a day, 365 days of year, but, my clients also know that I am a nationally qualified bodybuilder and that working out is my private time. I try to accommodate the client where possible, but, I'll tell them..."I'm working out today from 1400 to 1600, so, unless there's an emergency, Logan and I won't be available." They are more than supportive.

    You don't need little man cunts like the guy at the gym. No wonder queers get a bad name. There are bad ones.

    Walk away. You're the better man. He's just an ignorant, clueless, man cunt.